I was with my husband for almost 30 years. He is now 54. After 2 years of a misdiagnosed brain tumor, and 7 years of caring for my husband who has Brain Cancer stage III with mixed gliomas, and Dementia, it is a miracle he is still alive. He takes the highest dose of Namenda made, Prozac, and other meds for the damage from 4 surgeries and radiation. Instead of celebrating him still being alive, it became a nightmare for me. My sons, now 19 and 21 blame me for not being able to make their Dad "happy", so that he was content at home. I would come home with lists from doctors of do's and don'ts and that just made me the enemy. He loved to pick on me and admitted that to his doctor right in front of me. I can't begin to tell you the surreal nightmare it has been here year after year, never knowing if he was going to make it because of bad MRI's every 3 months, and his behavior. He turned into another person after the 1st surgery. He is basically missing 2/3rds of his right frontal lobe. On the last trip to UCSF 7 months ago he decided to take off and hooked up with his estranged family who had done nothing to help us with him after all of these years. They were kicked out of the hospital during the first surgery (2007) for bringing liquor to him and being so loud and obnoxious. They have never liked me because they think I'm too much of a "goodie two shoes". According to my attorney, Divorce was my only option, and I am in the middle of that with my husband's brother, as I know he does not have the cognitive skills to answer questions. I have cared for him, quit work to care for him (no pay for spouses), spent my retirement(s) for medical bills, medical travel, living expenses, etc...I have found out over the summer that he had been selling tools, assets, planning his "escape", and our so called patient advocate had been helping him. He is now in California and scheduled for a 5th brain surgery at the end of this month. He stayed there after the 4th surgery, hooked up with the long lost family, and has never looked back. He rarely calls his sons, although when he does he says he is homesick. We all know he is not getting good care, but don't have any say about that any longer. Since the divorce was filed I have spoken to him a few times, and had to say a final good-bye at our oldest son's graduation, under very stressful circumstances.. All the legal aspects are being done through his brother. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this with their spouse and dementia? Was it the disease and dementia or me being naive? He could really put on a good show and sound great at times, but if someone was around him enough they could see the "real him". Thank goodness there are a few people that had seen that and knew I did the best I could. I got a letter from once of his doctors thanking me for all my years of selfless care for him. . Any advice? The heartache from this has been and still is unbearable, and my son's attitudes hurt the worst, although we are now starting to try and build a relationship again as the truth comes out about how bad the dementia was, and how worn out I was. I honestly did everything I possibly could for this man that I knew how to do because I believed in the "for better or worse" part of our marriage. I now have nothing but debt, a huge mortgage (mortgaged to help pay medical expenses), and 52, worn out, and am trying to figure out what to do from here. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't know how to find "closure" on this. Sometimes he would not remember getting married or having the boys. It has been so surreal for so long, it is hard to figure out how to start over and to understand the man I married was gone long ago from this illness. I guess I don't really even have the right to "worry" about his upcoming surgery and lack of care from his remaining family. It is very hard on our son's too. They know he is not getting good care and of course worry about him. What do we do?