My husband won't do anything doctor says. What can I do?

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Husband 2nd stroke and diabetic brought home after he learned to walk and be independent. This includes exersice of any kind, eats constantly, "horrible" momentary mem. loss then gets mad at me and yells. MUST have his meals on time or else. I have tried everything I know how & it's taken a serious toll on miy health which he won't believe. I am recoveing nicely from broken leg 1-3-14 but I get so tired & he hates it if I sit down and fall asleep. I have to stay as far away from him as possible or listen to his LOUD ballgames all day, yelling about something - in short treating me like a slave. We are in a small town certified help is impossible to find (ins. requires it). He was much happier in the nursing home but I understand (in MN) a patient has to be hospitilized for 3 days for ??? or he doesn't qualify for NH. I don't dare just leave him by himself and no there is no family that is either willing & in other cases able to help. I feel so defeated and alone. I told him I feel alone and his remark was "You are all alone". Wouldn't that make yiou feel good???! Have a good day. Thanks

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I have to disagree with BrightBod on "this is just a phase". NO it isn't. It's called dementia.And by getting him to a hospital and telling them no you are not able to safely care for him at home is NOT abandoning him.You are advocating for him.Again, if you are in your 70's you cannot do this alone and if this is dementia it will NOT get better.Again, don't let people guilt you into a situation that isn't safe for your husband or yourself.I love my husband but I would have the sense to realize when we had come to a crossroads and that it was more dangerous to try to keep him at home and care for him myself.Just because you would seek to have him cared for in a facility doesn't mean you don't love him.Be proactive, don't wait until he or you get hurt. If he starts to fall you are not going to be able to catch him,and will probably get hurt yourself,then who will take care of him?Again, don't let others make you feel guilty because you aren't Superwoman because no one is Superwoman.We are only human.You can't fix dementia,you can only deal with it and sometimes that means that you cannot and should not try to do that all on your own.This also means that keeping him at home is not a good choice for either of you but again that doesn't mean you are abandoning him.You can visit him at the facility where there are shifts of people to watch him while you can get some rest and not get injured or destroy your health in trying to take care of him at home.
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Caring for an elderly with health problems and other conditions that makes them least of a mature person is really not easy. Seeing someone that you love who is now suffering from dementia, Alzheimer Disease or other ailments that makes them not the person that you used to know requires time to be accepted. The reality that the person you once look up to is not at his or her 100% anymore is troublesome and can really stir different kinds of emotions in us. Most of the time, these emotions are negative and detrimental to us.
IN your case, your husband is still in a situation where he feels depressed and down about the things that recently happened to him. His negative emotions are all brought by the sudden changes that he is facing in life right now. Has he always been rude to you? Does he always treat you wrongly even when he was still healthy and strong? If not, then this change in him is brought by the sudden changes that he had to face. If he is the sole or the main provider of the family, his being not capable of doing his responsibilities now is a license to feel bad and unworthy. How long has it been seen he got sick? If it is still in the one to three month period, you can conclude that this is just the adjustment stage. Things can get worst or can get better in the future. Sticking with him even with all that negative energy coming from his is a good choice. Imagine you being in his shoes and he being in yours. Would you want him to leave you alone or stand up for you and be strong during the time of your weakness and defeat. Again, this is just a stage. The challenge in this is that his improvements in your hands. Giving up on him now will not improve anything. So just hang on. Ask for medical consultation, talk to a friend or a professional about your hang-ups and dilemmas during this stage or be involved in a support group. This will definitely help you in deciding on what to do next and on emotionally preparing yourself for the challenges that are about to come.
Again, this is just a phase and your patience will be put into test. But again, he is your husband, the love of your life, so you might as well be strong for him while you fight this battle together.
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If "something" happens, fall,etc. call 911, get him admitted to the hospital and then tell them they better find a social worker to get him placed in a facility because you refuse to take him home as you are no longer able to safely care for him. Do not let them guilt you in to taking him back to an unsafe situation,stand firm.Make sure first that they have admitted him to the hospital. Also make sure they realize that there is NO ONE at home to safely take care or him.You are not abandoning him, you are trying to get help for him. If you are in your70's you probably have health issues of your own.You no longer are able to provide a safe environment for him at home,stand firm.
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burnedout, if his dementia is advanced, he is not capable of following orders. Call the nearest Nursing Home and ask if they will come out and evaluate him. You need to do this now, your own life is at very high risk. Save yourself.
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freqflyer had such good advice. I second what she said. The closest home to you would probably be in a larger city. That might be inconvenient, but it will give you some needed rest. Sending good thoughts your way.
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Call the VA Monday morning. Call his doctor and tell him that you can no longer care for him. Don't take no for an answer.
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Oh my gosh, I was reading a previous post of yours going back to 2011 and you were only 73 at the time. No wonder you are so tired, you probably are totally exhausted. Since your hubby is retired military [Navy 22 years?], he should be able to get into a VA retirement home. Check with the VA to see what steps you need to take. Otherwise, hubby might outlive you.... then what?... then he will go into a nursing home and live many more years. How fair would that be to you and your side of the family?

Hope you can find a happy outcome to this situation.
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