Husband with vascular Alzheimer's is violent and verbally abusive to me but not to others.

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My husband has vascular Alzheimer's. He is violent and verbally abusive to me but not to others - how can that be. His memory is almost completely lost but has the strange ability to lie effectively to others

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So, my elderly aunt cared for my uncle with dementia at home, " because if he went into a facility, he'd die".

So, one day, one of my cousins showed up for a surprise vist. Aunt and Uncle lived in Florida; cousins were in thee Midwest. So, he sees his mom is covered in bruises. Uncle has been beating her black and blue, because he wants to get out of the condo to walk. On the Interstate.

Uncle goes to memory care. Aunt drops dead of a heart attack about two months after placing him ( built up stress? Who knows).

Uncle lives happily and healthily for 3 more years.

Please get him into the right level of care. Now. For your sake and for his.
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Regardless of how he may manage okay with others or how he may lie effectively, there are remedies for your protection. Do not hesitate to get protection.

It's not just you who could suffer if he really hurts you either. I posted on this site about a month ago a man who had dementia in NC who was arrested after he killed his wife and adult daughter. Neighbors, family, friends were very upset, because they just didn't think he was capable of killing his loving wife an daughter who care for him in his home, but they knew he had dementia and they did not protect themselves. Now, he's facing murder charges, even though, he has dementia. I'm not sure what will happen to him.

Please get yourself some place safe. There are places he could be well cared for.
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You must protect yourself. No matter how much you love him and how much you want to stand by him, remaining in a dangerous situation is doing neither of you any favors. It is time to find appropriate placement.
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My girlfriend kept her husband at home until he became violent. For your own safety please consider getting him to a safe facility, even a hospital.
Yes he can tell fabulous lies, but in his mind they are real events. Please call your MD and ask for help keeping safe.
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