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Husband with Alz. constantly wants me to buy him a car so he can drive. I sold his car two years ago when he was diagnosed with Alz. and started getting lost and confused. Now he yells and screams every morning about wanting his car back. I have had the doctor talk to him. I have had the State of Florida revoke his license and have tried several times to explain that it is no longer safe for him to drive that he gets confused(of course we all know explaining anything to an alz person is useless.) His explanation to me is no one knows what they are talking about and I am not making any sense. I am at the end of my rope with his yelling and screaming every morning about the car. I have tried redirecting him. He goes to day care three times a week to try and distract his attention but each morning its the same story all over again. I usually walk away until he calms down but this morning he pushed me and said "you have to listen to me" which I do until I can't take it anymore.

Anyone have any suggestions. Please help.

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Find Care & Housing
Thank you for all the hugs. The assisted living was for respite care. Medicaid would pay but only for 14 days a year and I would have to take him to one of their approved ones. The one I went to was the best one and I did not like it, all the Alz people were behind a locked door and I did not like the smell. Everyone there was worse than him just sitting around watching tv. He is much more active and like to talk and do things.he is in the mid stage and I can leave him alone for a few hours. So far he had not wandered and he always tells me how much he loves being at home and he does know what home is. I think it would be better if I can get someone to come to my house and stay with him while I go on vacation would be better. Medicaid will not pay for that so I will have to save money to be able to pay some one. Does anyone know how much it would cost if I needed some one 24/7 for 5 days while I go away?
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sheila - you haven't posted for a while. How are things? I tend to think that an ALF is a good answer too. ((((((hugs))))
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Sheilaallison1, google "assistant living Hollywood Florida".... I found 7 different places in your area. Or use the blue box on the right side of the page "Find Housing and Care" and put in your zip code and neighboring zip codes.

Go look at each of the places. You might be pleasantly surprised.
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There must be more than one assited living facility in your area . There can be huge differences in the quality of care. Look around and see what's out there. It may be a tough transition for him but you have to have a life without so much stress .
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I'm answering you here, not on your other post about needing to buy another car without starting WWIII.

Your friend are just plain wrong about assisted living. He will not go downhill there, he will have better stimulating activities, more companionship and you will have peace of mind. Your are under tremendous stress, working and caregiving with no respite and now some physical aggression. Certainly talk to his doctor about this, but if it happens again, it feels like a game changer to me.
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Thank you for the hugs. He is on celexa and ativan and it has calmed him down quite a bit but the car thing is his long term memory and since he is physically in good shape he gets bored and wants to drive he gets agitated. I work full time and on the weekend I have him with me doing errands, taking him to shows, out to dinner anything I can to distract him. I have no help except a friend of his who comes over sometimes to keep him company but people have their own lives and I cannot depend on other people all the time. I looked at an assisted living faciity for respite care but it was so depressing and everyone there was in worse shape than him. My friends and I felt it would make him worse. Basically he is OK except for this car thing every morning. I am tired of having to do everything and not having time for myself. We have been married 34 years and he is very attached to me and seems to be scared when he is alone and does not see me. I would love to have a girls night out or go to a movie or vacation without him.
Also someone asked if we have guns in the house. We do not. I have also hidden all the knives, not that he has ever picked up one to hurt me but just as a precaution.
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Dear Shielaallison, So sorry it has come to this. He must not lay harmful hands on you. The car situation is non-negotiable. Never mind if he kills himself, what if he kills the neighbor's child? But beyond that, remember back to my Dad at this point....do you have guns in the house? Get the out now. You can take them to a gun shop and they can sell them for you. The Sheriff's will usually come get the ammo or you can try selling it yourself or give to a neighbor, etc. My Mom got rid of Dad's gun when he got irrational and one time when he was really upset he went for the gun, but it wasn't there. Thank God.
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Edit.. my Dad has never been physical with my mom or me... just incessant arguing and demanding. I didn't see that he pushed you.. yea.. that is getting serious and shouldn't be taken lightly.
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Aww.. I am so sorry you are going through this. This sound like what my Mom goes through with my dad.. and I know how hard this is on her!

My dad periodically yells at her in the mornings also.. different issues but same kind of thing till my mom is just in tears. Sometimes it is just annoying and repetitive but then sometimes it escalates like what you described...and the argument always illogical.

Usually if I go over I can distract him or I take him somewhere. Do you have anyone close by that you can call to come in to distract him? I know mom could not do this on her own... she couldn't generate enough of a distraction. Other than these occasional outbursts.. my dad is really pretty easy going.

Anyway just wanted to give you a (((hug)))... I know how difficult this is for you. I would like to get a resolution to this as well.. I hate seeing my mom in tears.
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Physical abuse is never acceptable even with an alzheimer's patient. I fear for your safety. Is there a safe place you can stay? Can you have a rational discussion with him that he understands? If you can, you should state in no uncertain terms that you will not tolerate abuse and you will call the authorities if it happens again.

Also, it may be time for some sedatives, anti depressants or other pharmaceutical intervention. Perhaps assisted living so you can be safe?

Angel
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