Because he has dementia, he is most likely delusional. He could be envisioning all sorts of things when the aide comes toward him with a razor. Why not buy him an electric shaver? If he is capable, let him attempt to shave himself.
When my aunt who is now dead had dementia I was the only one that she trusted to cut her toenails, they were extremely bad, no one else was allowed to cut her toenails, no nurse, no aid no other family member, somehow she trusted me and me alone maybe you could try to shave him? Maybe he would trust you more? have you tried it? As of right now my father is the only one that allows me to shave him and he is not in the best mental state currently, and is also on Pradaxa so a minor cut could bleed for hours. I also had him buy an electric razor which makes a world of difference if you buy a good one, do not buy a cheap 20-30 dollar electric they are bad for older people because of thin and droopy skin. Also I found a 4 bladed razor works great as well.. Also try to talk about something that calms him down, does he like jokes, or talking about the old days, try to find something that he is aware of that he would remember that would help in calming him down before and during the shave.
When my husband’s Alzheimer’s progressed, I got him an electric razor. First he was able to shave himself, then i helped. When he moved to memory care, the cnas shaved him. As the disease progressed, I found he needed more warning of what was coming next as he couldn’t anticipate and would be surprised and frightened if someone just started grooming him. Best wishes.
My father was the same way, we prepared him ahead of time...he did OK, but not perfectly....but in the end he was happy to see his clean shaven face when we showed him in a mirror....my husband shaved him with an electric razor...perhaps say "Do you know what today is?" You are getting a shave!" give him a hand mirror, see how good he looks...or perhaps if he doesn't like the aid perhaps you can shave him instead?
They say the only stupid question is the one that should be asked but isn't. Therefore, I'm going to go ahead and ask: Does he really need to be shaved? Maybe he would be content to let his beard grow, and then trimmed when he gets a haircut (assuming he gets them--of course I don't know if he is bald or has a full head of hair!).
I have had a full beard for a couple decades, mainly because I have somewhat of an overbite so I feel I look better with a beard (and get lots of compliments on it--especially at this time of the year because it is white!) I use scissors to trim it about once or twice a week, usually after a shower which softens it, and then I comb it out before I trim it.
My dad used an electric razor and took it with him to the NH. The techs (who knows why!) would use a safety razor and invariably cut up his face. He was happy with me shaving him, but preferred my husband, probably b/c only a man would know how much pressure to apply to the various areas of the face and neck, and knew which areas to stretch out for a close shave.
My father is a veteran in the advanced stage of dementia. Always let them know they are about to get shaved. He still jumps around when I shave him, but it works w no cuts. The sound of an electric razor made him unmanageable. I use the sensitive bic shavers (new one each time) with lots(twice the normal amt) of shaving cream/gel. Dampen hair to be shaved w warm water. Coat w cream. Let it stay on for 10 min(if hair is real coarse, wrap damp towel around chin), while bathing other parts. Coat again w cream. Pull skin when shaving. Apply more cream, if needed. Take it slow. Apply his favorite after shave when cream has all been washed off. Brag about how good he looks.
Obviously you've mastered this...but for others just to add that my dad who is functional/capable has used an electric shaver always, and he began to have some terribly red/ dry skin issues. I took him to the dematology people who discovered with me he was using an aftershave that was alcohol based and with his aging skin more fragile that was a horrible thing to be using on freshly shaved skin especially.
Yes - speak with the authorities about this - it is possible that he is being scared or even hurt. Make sure that your DH is NOT feeling threatened by the aide.
Have you tried to shave him? I had to learn how to shave my DH when he was no longer able to stand at the sink to shave himself. We even used a roll-around-cart and a mirror so he could shave himself sitting. But eventually, I had to learn how to shave him. I went to YouTube and watched several videos. I didn't do a stellar job, but he coached me along and it was doable.
P.S. dads1caregiver gave you great advice! please read it again. and again. as often as needed.
Are they approaching him from a direction where it is difficult for him to see or hear them? Do they talk to him and tell him what they are doing? It is "easy" to shave someone else with an electric razor a bit more of a challenge to shave someone with a "regular" razor. And if they are not using enough shave cream or water the razor can catch and pull the skin. And can cause nicks. There is a razor I saw advertised that was developed for caregiver to sue when shaving someone. It is by Gillette and it is called TREO saw the ad in AARP magazine. It might be worth trying. But...is it a big deal if he gets shaved? You could use the "clipper" side of an electric and keep the beard groomed but not real close tot he skin.
the other thing is if an electric is being used it is possible he does not like the noise. they might want to even try giving him the razor and then guiding his hand to do the shaving. It might be a surprise and he might participate. Men have been shaving for so many years that placing a razor in his hand might bring automatic movements. I know my Husband shaved himself and brushed his teeth himself far longer than I would have expected.
Put Love above all. Attitude is everything. Your’s or the carer’s needs to be with unconditional positive regard and respect for the sufferer. (And yourself, it’s no easy job looking after a relative with this condition). Tips:
PREPARE: • Find a solid shaving cream not a messy foam that goes in his mouth or eyes. Make sure it smells nice and as natural as possible, it will be worth the price. • Buy soft jelly sweets. • Bring a comb or hairbrush or both. • Prepare a razor taking blade out. This one is for your relative. • Bring an efficient good quality safe razor for the cater to shave with. Keep a spare. • Bring a gentle simple aftershave cream not too much perfume if any and one that diminishes any rash or discomfort after shaving. If you do this, your loved one may actually start asking to be shaved because it’s been made a pleasant experience instead of an ordeal for everyone.
•••••••Shaving•••••••
First and most important always before any interaction.
• Help him escape from feeling he’s all alone in his own bubble. Acknowledge his truth no matter how unrealistic his thoughts are. This will help him to become involved in the present moment and see that he has people who care about him around. This condition is fraught with paranoia and fear.
• Make a little small talk.
• Ask him when was the last time he had a good shave, where did he go, how did it feel, would he like a specially nice shave now? maybe to prepare for a good day ahead.
• Remind him of how lovely and smooth his skin is underneath the beard and shave first only with fingers. Ask him if you are allowed to touch or feel his face first.
• Tell him if he’d like to touch your face all over with his fingers too. It’s all about his connection with someone who is not scared of his illness.
• Give your loves one a razor with no blade.
• Continue face shaving and massaging only with fingers with the cream until it’s ready to shave. A small area at a time is better.
• Suggest he tries the (fake) razor himself reminding him that he’s a beautiful clean smart man.
• Start at the edges so that if the job isn’t completed it won’t matter so much.
• Continue with real razor very carefully and discreetly with humour shaving the bits he’s ‘missed’.
• Make funny faces he can copy and mirror so he can stretch his skin.
• Keep jelly sweets around for distraction and to suck. They may help him stretch his skin and won’t be a choke risk like hard sweets are.
•Other noises in the room will be a distraction you don’t want. Make sure your in a fairly quiet area and that the patient is comfortable warm and supported so that he doesn’t have to wiggle around or move too much.
• Help him to move or take a little break. We don’t want a sore or stiff bum here.
• Keep a steady nerve and most of all good luck.🤗
I hope this helps. Please let me know how it goes if you can and add any more tips.
Other notes. A relative is sometimes better at this than a carer. It varies a lot. (On the other hand it can be really difficult for the relative who has already lost the person they once had. That’s painful.) It can sometimes be a good idea to consider whether he prefers a man or a woman to do this. A male can bring up defensiveness, and male competitiveness and pride that could be a barrier. It depends on the relationship they have. A female can bring up resentment at being mothered, bossed about or patronising, but liable to be more acceptable, and perceived as a carer, depending on attitudes and relationship again.🙏🏼🌟💜
I agree that shaving will have to be a leisurely experience. Electric razors may seem more or less threatening to him (noise versus sharp blades). It may take several tries to get him "properly shaved". If after several unsuccessful tries, I'd agree with others to let his beard grow and to just get it trimmed occasionally.
Is he new to AL or has he been there awhile and this is nee behavior?
If it is a sudden change in mental status, alert his doctor. It could be a UTI.
I have had a full beard for a couple decades, mainly because I have somewhat of an overbite so I feel I look better with a beard (and get lots of compliments on it--especially at this time of the year because it is white!) I use scissors to trim it about once or twice a week, usually after a shower which softens it, and then I comb it out before I trim it.
Have you tried to shave him? I had to learn how to shave my DH when he was no longer able to stand at the sink to shave himself. We even used a roll-around-cart and a mirror so he could shave himself sitting. But eventually, I had to learn how to shave him. I went to YouTube and watched several videos. I didn't do a stellar job, but he coached me along and it was doable.
P.S. dads1caregiver gave you great advice! please read it again. and again. as often as needed.
Good Luck to you. May you be blessed.
Do they talk to him and tell him what they are doing?
It is "easy" to shave someone else with an electric razor a bit more of a challenge to shave someone with a "regular" razor. And if they are not using enough shave cream or water the razor can catch and pull the skin. And can cause nicks.
There is a razor I saw advertised that was developed for caregiver to sue when shaving someone. It is by Gillette and it is called TREO saw the ad in AARP magazine. It might be worth trying.
But...is it a big deal if he gets shaved? You could use the "clipper" side of an electric and keep the beard groomed but not real close tot he skin.
the other thing is if an electric is being used it is possible he does not like the noise.
they might want to even try giving him the razor and then guiding his hand to do the shaving. It might be a surprise and he might participate. Men have been shaving for so many years that placing a razor in his hand might bring automatic movements. I know my Husband shaved himself and brushed his teeth himself far longer than I would have expected.
Put Love above all. Attitude is everything. Your’s or the carer’s needs to be with unconditional positive regard and respect for the sufferer. (And yourself, it’s no easy job looking after a relative with this condition).
Tips:
PREPARE:
• Find a solid shaving cream not a messy foam that goes in his mouth or eyes. Make sure it smells nice and as natural as possible, it will be worth the price.
• Buy soft jelly sweets.
• Bring a comb or hairbrush or both.
• Prepare a razor taking blade out. This one is for your relative.
• Bring an efficient good quality safe razor for the cater to shave with. Keep a spare.
• Bring a gentle simple aftershave cream not too much perfume if any and one that diminishes any rash or discomfort after shaving. If you do this, your loved one may actually start asking to be shaved because it’s been made a pleasant experience instead of an ordeal for everyone.
•••••••Shaving•••••••
First and most important always before any interaction.
• Help him escape from feeling he’s all alone in his own bubble. Acknowledge his truth no matter how unrealistic his thoughts are. This will help him to become involved in the present moment and see that he has people who care about him around. This condition is fraught with paranoia and fear.
• Make a little small talk.
• Ask him when was the last time he had a good shave, where did he go, how did it feel, would he like a specially nice shave now? maybe to prepare for a good day ahead.
• Remind him of how lovely and smooth his skin is underneath the beard and shave first only with fingers. Ask him if you are allowed to touch or feel his face first.
• Tell him if he’d like to touch your face all over with his fingers too. It’s all about his connection with someone who is not scared of his illness.
• Give your loves one a razor with no blade.
• Continue face shaving and massaging only with fingers with the cream until it’s ready to shave. A small area at a time is better.
• Suggest he tries the (fake) razor himself reminding him that he’s a beautiful clean smart man.
• Start at the edges so that if the job isn’t completed it won’t matter so much.
• Continue with real razor very carefully and discreetly with humour shaving the bits he’s ‘missed’.
• Make funny faces he can copy and mirror so he can stretch his skin.
• Keep jelly sweets around for distraction and to suck. They may help him stretch his skin and won’t be a choke risk like hard sweets are.
•Other noises in the room will be a distraction you don’t want. Make sure your in a fairly quiet area and that the patient is comfortable warm and supported so that he doesn’t have to wiggle around or move too much.
• Help him to move or take a little break. We don’t want a sore or stiff bum here.
• Keep a steady nerve and most of all good luck.🤗
I hope this helps. Please let me know how it goes if you can and add any more tips.
Other notes.
A relative is sometimes better at this than a carer. It varies a lot. (On the other hand it can be really difficult for the relative who has already lost the person they once had. That’s painful.)
It can sometimes be a good idea to consider whether he prefers a man or a woman to do this.
A male can bring up defensiveness, and male competitiveness and pride that could be a barrier. It depends on the relationship they have. A female can bring up resentment at being mothered, bossed about or patronising, but liable to be more acceptable, and perceived as a carer, depending on attitudes and relationship again.🙏🏼🌟💜
Best Wishes Naomi Porter