My husband with mild cognitive disorder is causing huge financial problems. Who do I go to for help?

Follow
Share

We have separate accounts and credit cards because of this. He refuses to give me money for his share of the household expenses. The only thing we own jointly is our house. We have an equity loan and the bank has frozen it because of his low credit score. My credit is excellent and I still work.
I am 78 yrs old still work, paying all expenses and don't want to go down the tubes because of this. His diagnosis is "Mild Cognitive Disorder" We feel it is more than this because of the problems he is creating. My son has tried to help but his father won't speak to him now.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
26

Answers

Show:
1 2 3
My mom got involved with a self-admitted scammer on the telephone. Started out with 'you won a grand prize of $10,000' to 'you won a cruise/Cadillac/shopping spree', escalated to 50, YES, 50 calls a day. They talked for hours starting out, and when I answered the phone he just laughed and swore at me. Somehow, a shill working locally met my mother at a drugstore, who bought $400 worth of Visa credit cards off the rack, and gave them to 'some nice man'. She had a book of checks in her purse, one made out to 'cash' for $1000.....I grabbed those checks right quick!...The police were involved. The phone number was changed. The bank account was changed. It was a nightmare. Three years later she's in a nursing home and I'm STILL getting begging letters.....Do NOT start with the Publisher's Clearing House. That puts you on a sucker list, and you will get over 100 letters or more, from ALL OVER-begging letters, sweepstakes letters, offers for extra insurance, save the whales, save the horses, save the children....
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My SIL's mother got hooked on sweepstakes. She sent in $$$$ to these sweepstakes "opportunities" promising to get rich quick. She and her husband were elderly and when her husband found out she was addicted to sweepstakes, he had to take over the mail by getting a Post Office Box.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

You need to talk to your bank manager immediately and ensure that every transaction (check, money transfer) your husband wishes to make from now is not valid unless countersigned by you or your son. Create a new bank account funded with low amounts of cash if he insists on keeping a bank card to keep cash in his wallet, but seriously low balance, renewable by you monthly. Try to convert your joint account to a new account with your signature only, not just because you are working but to ensure that all necessary bills and overheads get paid.. Move to get a properly operating POA.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My mother wrote checks to do-good organizations around the country - the world! - and dozens of checks to sweepstakes companies, to shysters, to psychics, to anyone wanting money (from a stack of over 100 letters she received, coming into her mailbox in a week). I, of course, volunteered to drop them off at the post office on my way home. In the car, I would sort them out, mail the one or two legit ones, and take the rest home to go through the shredder. Next week, repeat. it went on and on until her checkbook at home got 'lost', but by that time she could hardly write her own name anyhow.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Thellmar, hopefully your husband has a will. If so, you will need to probate it first. Find out what debts he has incurred. Is there an insurance policy? Some companies, especially Unionized ones, continue policies after retirement. When you get all ur ducks in a row, call your local Office on Aging and ask if they have a financial councelor that can help u or put u in touch with one that will help u for free or a sliding scale. You may be able to make deals with some creditors.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You are told "when you're sick, do not make any financial decisions! "
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I have same financial problems. Husband just died and I want to know same as you. Maybe someone knows. GOOD LUCK. thelmar
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I think u need a lawyer. Just because u have separate accounts does not mean its not marital debt that u will be responsible for.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My heart goes out to you. I watched my ex-FIL do this, and my ex husband had to step in, bail them out twice, and the third time convinced his father that he needed to live with us. It was still a struggle to keep him from getting more and more credit cards and order all sorts of stuff, or run out and buy a new car (5 in 2 years). He would not sign a POA, and there were many heated arguments between my ex and his father as he tried to make him understand the financial burden that he was placing on all of us with his reckless behavior. Finally it got to where we only allowed him one card with a 500.00 limit per month, and while it made him angry it saved them some money so that they could afford the assisted living that they needed as his condition progressed.

At least my mother so far is not running up bills, but she can't balance her checkbook to save her life now, and it is a challenge to convince her to let me assist with writing checks as needed, so that she can get it done correctly.

I hope for your sake that you and your son can have the tough conversations needed with your husband to convince him to let you or your son take care of the finances, and limit his access to credit or the accounts.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

What I would do is call the credit card companies with whom he has a card and stop all of the credit cards. You can also stop paying the bills on those cards and put them on the back burner until you can afford to pay them off. Not paying the bills or not paying them in full will stop the cards at some point and they will become locked or in active. Another thing you can also do is speak with your bank and remove his name from the bank account in question. Put a small amount of money for him into a separate account. The alternative is to get yourself a new account and leave him on the old one and just move all of the money to the new account except for a small amount for him. That way, he'll have no access to your money and he won't be able to take you down financially. I'm not sure he even realizes what he's doing if he's mentally declined. Another idea is to not keep any cash at home or on you, just don't keep any cash. Normally I don't even carry cash and neither do many other people because most people do use plastic. What you can do is give him a prepaid debit card with a very small amount of money on it. I heard about this idea somewhere on this site and I think it's a good idea. That way, when he runs out of money on that card it will be declined if you have the bank set up the account to not overdraft. This is done by having them go into the account settings on opting out. This might take about a day or two to take take effect, and I wouldn't give him the prepaid debit card until then. The first place I would start is with the unnecessary accounts such as the regular credit cards but get so many people in financial trouble when they rack up a big bill. Again, just have every card stopped and don't pay any more on those cards until you can afford to. Stopping all of those cards is going to be key to preventing any more future debt. If he gets any more cards or reactivate the old ones, just keep stopping them. One final trip is to Google the words 'opt out'. You can opt out of everything and put your number on the national do not call registry.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

1 2 3
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions