Temper getting worse - A little steam release. Any suggestions?

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His temper is getting very short.


ANYTHING can make him blow up. He is not violent but he then starts to shout and swear a lot.


It takes all my skills as 'an ironer' to smooth things back onto a level plain. I am the optimist, he is the pessimist. He only seems happy if he is moaning about something. It is so tiring.


Apart from a lump of wood over his head, have you guys got any suggestions that would help me please?


That feels a little better just getting it off my chest.


Thank you for being here. :)


Buzzy

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BB, have you tried telling him that his behavior is unacceptable and at the very least he needs to give you the courtesy he would a stranger. Better or worse does not mean mental or emotional abuse is okay.

Do you have someone helping you to get aid?

Hugs, it will come through soon!
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Do you have any type of senior centers near you or can you get transportation to one that offers mens breakfast or lunch, maybe some billiards or a walking club?

Just thinking of physical things with other men, I know that it is important to connect to the same sex occasionally. We joke about how hard it is to only talk to your wife after a career spent with other men. Yikes! I'm thinking they should try our shoes for a day, I suddenly after 50 years need direction on vacuuming. Men need Male talk as much as women need female companions.

I hope it all starts coming together soon for you love.
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BuzzyBee Sep 9, 2018
He has good and casual friends. He talks to anyone at any time. It is only when he is home, he 'loses it'. He has a face for anyone that is not family and one for me.

Once he is unable to get out and about, then things will get a lot harder for me. That is why I am trying to get us into the system now.
To be honest, it is easier for me IF he does go out. My bad, but it is true.
If I can get help here (more than I have managed to get by myself) then that would relieve some of the pressure.

It is only me that sees his 'true face'. But that is my job, I think. For better or for worse. In sickness and in health.

I am picking up a little today, so can COPE again, for now.
Thank heavens for this site.

Make sure you take care of yourself too.

Buzzy
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Oh BB, what a terrible situation, you needing his physical care and him needing your mental care.

My husband told me the other day that he gets frustrated to the point of verbal outbursts because he screws up something he used to do with his eyes closed. I get it, it makes us confused and irritated, now learning to ignore the outbursts has been my challenge. I was grateful that he told me what was behind them.

Is it possible to get him to engage in new activities that challenge his brain in a new way, not the things he doesn't have to think about. Does that make sense?

How is it going for you to get help that takes some of the burden off him? I pray it comes thru quickly.

Does the UK have programs that work at keeping folks in there home? I hope they do, comes a time when relocating is not an exciting adventure.

Hugs to you love! 🤗
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BuzzyBee Sep 8, 2018
Thank you Issy
That is the system I am trying to get us into. :)
I will think on the new 'activity' for him, but it must be mostly physical - if it is tooo mental, it will stress him. He is more a creature of habit now, and it takes a long time to digest new things. But it will be great if I can.
Buzzy
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Buzzy I don't know your living situation but do you think it may be time to start exploring moving to a more supportive community? Given that he is your caregiver and you fear he may be slipping a little there is going to come a point where you two will not be able to manage successfully without help.
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BuzzyBee Sep 7, 2018
Thank you cwillie :)

I am only just getting into 'the system'.
I have things pending. :) I am trying for help for me first, then I can get him 'in the system' too. It needs me (as the one being 'cared for') to get allocated Attendance Allowance first. Funny rules in England.

It seems that if you have no conscience and can lie, you get everything the state can offer. (Benefit Scroungers).

Sadly I tell the truth and we have always 'coped'. I really do not want to have to move as we have been in this house over 50 years.
Saying that, when it gets really bad, I will reassess. I was just having a bit of a bad day.

Buzzy
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He is very reluctant to go to the doctors and at the moment I am positive he would not harm me.

His doctor is not my doctor (we are at different practices) Also his doctor would not discuss anything with me as its against his ethics - privacy and all that stuff.
I have an emergency mobile phone. But am not at the stage where I have to remove all sharp object.

Thank you for your concern though.
Buzzy
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Your profile says that your DH has AD. Is that right? Is that who has the short temper and blows up? Being patient is awesome, but, I would encourage you to take it very seriously. If his anger worsens, it could turn violent and he may really harm you, himself or others. I see it in the news on a regular basis. It's due to the brain damage, but, it's still harmful.

I'd discuss it with his doctor, so they can test for UTI, other infections, illness, etc. to rule them out. Any change in mental status should be reported. If it's the dementia, I'd ask for geriatric psychiatrist consult and explore medication to help with his anxiety and agitation. Both are not uncommon with dementia. In the meantime, I'd make safety plan and discuss it with a professional in your community. I'd have ability to call 911 at all times and I would remove all weapons, including knives and sharp objects out of the house. Stay safe.
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I do try and get him to go out walking, he loves that. BUT he is a little OCD and also gets diverted A LOT, so he is playing the martyr all the time. He refuses to write a list, he says he does not need one. If I try and remind him, he blows up. I think he knows he is losing the plot a little and wont admit it. Yet he will get me to write down stuff so I wont forget.

He loves pottering about in the back garden but as soon as he does something wrong, it is toys out of the pram and he 'starts'. I can calm him usually but it is making me so sad, and I am not usually a sad type of person. Sorry did not intend to ramble. Thank you for your suggestion. :)
I will be better tomorrow.
I need to watch a weepy movie or a comedy. ;)

Buzzy
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People get a short fuse when they are constantly frustrated or feel backed into a corner, is there anything he'd like to do for fun that you can help him with, or any former interest that you can encourage him to return to - maybe just a regular day out with his mates??
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