My husband, who will be 65 this summer, just was diagnosed with early onset dementia and other health issues.

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I have ongoing health issues that make it difficult for me to deal with all this plus take on the role of his Caretaker, when my husband has been my Caretaker for the past few years. I think we are way too young for a facility, and my husband has much denial about his condition. He is undergoing the "executive testing" to ascertain his current cognitive status in the next few months, but he is already planning on "shining through" or "acing this test" to prove his abilities (see how sharp I am doc?). This does not get me help with his condition, and I wonder how others have processed this step in this illness. We are way too young to have to consider things like his not driving but that is our reality. Financial decision making has been stressful and off kilter for the past few years, and he has made some poor decisions that have affected our future income negatively. Our living expenses will be increasing greatly and I cannot return to work due to my own health issues and we are way too young to plug into his long term care as it will be exhausted when we are even older and need it the most. I have just reached out for my own counselor to assist with the stress of accepting this diagnosis and I am completing as much research as possible to get things organized for us. It is overwhelming to say the least and I cannot wrap my head around things getting even worse with his mind over the next 20 to 30 years!

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I remember an Episcopal-linked care community near where I grew up - it required the couple to give all their assets to the community, and in turn, the community cared for them the rest of their life. I remember there was a significant minimum "donation," and I don't even know if places run like that anymore But it certainly would be helpful.

A friend of ours had a husband who was diagnosed with early onset. He picked back up smoking (outside only), drinking, and eating barbeque and threw away his statins. He said there was no point in prolonging the inevitable.

He eventually forgot how to smoke and where the key to the liquor cabinet was hidden. The barbeque did nothing to shorten his life, but he enjoyed his last years. If living dangerously makes your husband happy, as long as it does not hurt anyone else, I am all for it.
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I'm sorry to hear the news about your husband. That must be very difficult to digest. I like the idea above about exploring living options where you can get support and have many things available to you, like transportation, meals, etc. I would first consult with experts to get an opinion on how to legally protect your assets. There may still be time for planning that can help.

Also, you said that your husband is not convinced of his condition and has lost your money. I'd see an attorney about that too, because, it could get worse. I'd find legal ways to get control of the funds for protection.

Do you know what is causing his dementia? Depending, some people progress quickly. My cousin went from running her own household, balancing checking account, shopping, to not being able to live alone within a matter of months. So, I'd look into care options for husband now.
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oH MY, you sure have a lot on your plate. I don't know what your financial situation is, though you refer to some 'poor ' decisions of late. If you can afford it, I would suggest you look into a continuing care community.
To begin with, it will remove home maintenance for you and streamline expenses. Some of the ones near me, have small buses that take the residents to an assortment of places - doctor's offices, shopping malls, supermarkets, etc. They also have doctor's on site for routine issues. The reason I suggest this is the possiblility that they are secure like the one I am familiar with. It removes the issues of your husband wandering off (totally). They may also have aides available as things progress.
Separately, have you family that can help to support you emotionally and with the sale of your home and moving?
I would urge you to take one day at a time. Dementia is a challenge and looking ahead 30 years will give you emotional stess beyond belief.
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