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About 1 yr ago my mother & grandma had heart attacks. My grandmother ended up passing days later. My mother has custody of mu niece & nephew and she is married. We offered to take my niece and nephew into our home. We brought the kids up last summer to our house and my mother came too. She decided that she would not leave. She said she can not live my stepdad. He has moved in with 1 of my brothers. My mom is mean and hateful. She can not handle the kids but if we get onto them most the time she yells at us. She tells family members lies about us all the time. She is very rude to everyone. I am sure she has vascular dementia but refuses to talk to her dr. She is very jealous if my kids come for a visit. People at the schools and kids sports try to avoid her. My husband & I can not handle anymore and we want her to move out. None of my brothers want her because is so rude, hateful and unappreciative. She is very sarcastic. What can I do?

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first, hello , I, AM HELPING MOTHER THAT HAS ALZIMERS AND MY FATHER WITH A LITTLE ALZ,S BAD HEART, Diabetes, AND ABOUT 300LBS. PLUS, I HAVE NO HELP MY SISTER TRY TO STEAL PILL'S AND MONEY, BUT YOU HAVE YOUR HUSBAND WITH YOU MY WIFE STAY HOME IN OUR NEW HOME I MOVED TO SC. TO HELP MY PARENT'S MY BROTHER PASSED 2YRS BACK, HE HELPED, MY WIFE COME'S TO SEE ME ONCE A YEAR. YOUR NOT IN THIS BOAT BY YOUR SELF. SORRY I DID NOT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION.
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I would move her, and fast... those children do not need to see that kind of behavior... My Mother's mother my Grandma could be mean and hateful she treated our Father terrible. She lived with us most of the time I was growing up. When my parents had the opportunity to buy an acerage (my Father's dream) she was moved to the nursing home at age 90! I would encourage you to find a place and move her. There are many options at this point in time. Independant senior housing, assisted living, and nursing home of course...Please think about you too... I know this is hard... take care
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Jeannegibbs hit on a lot of really good issues. Think about them one by one. And definitely contact the Social Services department in your town or city. This is their job, and they are trained to help and advise people in your situation. I did and they have been a HUGE help to me.
On a more sympathetic note, I am in a similar position. My mom lives down the road, doesn't drive and I do EVERYTHING for her and Dad (he has dementia and is nasty too), for three straight years. Mom is sometimes mean and nasty and drinks. I have two siblings that do nothing and don't even call me. We just put Dad in a NH. But I can't do this anymore. My mom rents and I am going to suggest she move back to her home town to be near her Friends since my siblings won't help me, I can no longer do this alone and at least she'll be near friends. I'll even help her move, set up Meals on Wheels and the shuttle service. etc... I just can't do this anymore. It's killing me, my marriage and my body. I'm a mess. So I hear you frustrated.

Write back if you want to kabits some more.

-SS
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Has she always been mean and hateful, or is this new behavior that you think might be related to the suspected dementia? Did her personality change after her stroke? This might make a difference in the way you should proceed.

But whatever the answers to the above questions, the basic solution is in your own description of the problem. "My husband & I... want her to move out." The solution is to make this happen. It is your home, your decision. It doesn't matter what your brothers decide. You get to make the decision about who lives in your house.

You've decided you want her to move out. Now comes the practical part. Is she capable of living on her own? If not, what degree/kinds of assistance does she need? How will her moving affect the niece and nephew? Could she insist on taking them with her? What is her financial situation? Was she renting before she invited herself to live with you, or does she own property?

You have lots to figure out and I know this isn't going to be easy. Maybe you'll benefit from professional guidance from Social Services once you define all the questions.

But it sounds like you've make the basic decision. You want Mother to move. Get moving toward that goal.

Good luck!
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