What can I do to help my husband who has he decided he doesn't need insulin anymore?

What do you mean he decided "he doesn't need insulin" -- because he wants to die? Because he believes he is cured? Because he doesn't think the insulin works, since it didn't prevent his foot amputation? What is his reasoning here, do you know?

If my blood sugars get out of whack, I get crabby! This has always been a temporary situation so I don't know if I'd get verbally abusive if it went on indefinitely, but it wouldn't surprise me.

When he is calm and in a stable mood (is this ever the case now?) talk with him. "I want to support you in the medical decisions you make, but have you realized that being off insulin has affected our relationship? You are now verbally abusive toward me. I don't deserve that, and I wish you'd reconsider the insulin issue for the sake of our marriage. I'll not hang around and be abused. I will leave your presence when that happens." If he interupts, goes into a rage, won't let you finish talking, leave the room. Put your thoughts in writing and give it to him, as a kind of notice that verbal abuse is not acceptable.

I am so sorry this is going on. He is too young to give up, especially since he was doing pretty well after the surgery.

A doctor can't force him to use insulin, either, but I certainly hope his doctors are aware of what is going on.

To babalou, we just got the application for the VA aid & assistance program yesterday. There are documents we have to send for before we can send it in. Started making calls today. Wish us luck.

The VA here in Georgia needs a lot of help. Even though we are both veterans, the hoops we would have to go through for medical care is ridiculous. I truly don't think he would agree to any depression intervention at all. He says it is all my imagination.

The other thing to remember, casper, is that uncontrolled diabetes can cause metabolic dementia. Do a search on this. It's vicious, and it can easily occur in severe cases of diabetes (I have a friend who is sliding down this road, and NO ONE can stop this). You need to discuss this with his doctor because as a vulnerable adult you don't want "the system" deciding that you weren't providing proper care and taking over from you. Living in TX, I can tell you that the VA definitely needs help and our veterans don't get nearly the support they need.

He has decided insulin is a waste of money since it doesn't 'work anyway'. You know how some men get about their health. His doctor knows about it. He has talked to him and so have I, but he acts like he knows more than God and you can't get anywhere with that attitude at all. I have walked out, waited until he was calmer, and tried to talk to him without harping but I'm still wrong. Sorry but I'm getting frustrated and I don't want to lose him quite yet. I just don't know what to do.

"Maybe the insulin doesn't completely work to prevent all problems in your body. You seem to be right about that, unfortunately. But going without insulin does affect your personality and that is hard on our marriage. Would you reconsider for my sake?"

I think it's logical to try to help someone you love. The part that's hardest though is to find way to determine if that person really has changed, or is going through a temporarily difficult period. But remember that any changes have occurred because of medical issues, not because of you. If anything, you've likely been a stalwart supporter and companion during his ordeals.

I hope you find some peace in this challenging situation. I'm also wondering if the VA would have counselors who could intervene, even though you're not yet qualified for Aide and Attendance. Is your husband getting medical care through the VA? They've stepped up their depression screening and might have some resources to help.

So sorry to hear that. Warm Regards to you and your family.

Have you talked to his doctor about the fact that he's quit walking, that he's non-compliant with his insulin and that he's become verbally abusive?

Is he on an anti depressant? Has he seen a psychiatrist?

No, you can't force him to take insulin. But you also can absent yourself when he becomes abusive. Leave the room, leave the house, leave period. No one should put up with abuse, verbal or otherwise.

I have thought that myself and it has become a deep hurt. Maybe I'm just grasping for straws.