My husband, who is wheelchair bound, feels I should automatically know how to care for him. Any advice?


He feels I should know his every need. I don't. He has spent the last 6 months in a nursing/rehab facility. He came home a week ago and feels I'm not giving him the care he needs. I don't know what he needs. He went in using a walker and came out in a power chair. Would going to a CNA class help? I'm lost in the sauce.

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I agree with GardenArtist. I have also been thrown in at the deep end. I have more or less worked out a morning routine now, writing down every single task that needs to be done. Next I'm going to time each task with the stop watch on my phone so that I'll know what time to start in order to get my husband out of bed and into the lounge before noon as happened today. This includes things like breakfast, exercises, washing, emptying catheter bag, meds, checking and dressing pressure sores, diaper changing etc. My daughter and I managed to get him up without dropping him today, yay! He was so used to having people at the sub-acute hospital do all this- the nurses aides, the physiotherapist, occupational therapist, the cook (who made him special little dishes) the doctors, the wound care person - a really long list. And to be all cheerful and positive at the same time - yikes! Lots of luck - you can't know all this automatically but hang in there.
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I agree that he became accustomed to so much care he expects it automatically, not differentiating between paid care by multiple people and unpaid care by his wife.

You might want to prioritize the care aspects you're providing him and learn more about those first; taking over someone's full time care is a big job if you're not used to it.
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I just remembered that there are a lot of videos on you tube showing the nurse aide lessons. Check there and you may be able to learn a few things that would help you right now.
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naderah, could be your hubby is of that generation where he thinks that all women are automatic caregivers knowing what to do next at the right time. Hey, we weren't born knowing how to cook and clean, we had to learn from somebody whether we were interested in it or not.

On the other side of the coin, could be hubby is upset with himself that he now has to use wheelchair now, so he is taking it out on the closest person which would be you. Is it fair, of course, not. Is he assuming you will help him with things that he should be doing for himself?
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Naderah, without knowing more about your husband, such why he was admitted to nursing/rehab and why he spent 6 months there, and why he came out worse, mobility-wise, than when he went in - well, I can't really say why he feels the way he does. So I'm going to venture a guess.

He has spent the past 6 months with trained personnel who did know what to do and how to do it. I suggest you hire a home health aide or someone who can show you the ropes and ease you into this caregiving role. I have taken the CNA class and actually did pass the state exam at the time, but I've never worked at it and it expired. However I did learn a lot of the basics of care, how to move dead weight by yourself was a big help. At that time, it was offered at the local community college and lasted less than a month. We did do a lab in a local nursing home. It was very intensive and lots of studying at night. If you have the ability to take the class, I would recommend it. A lot of nursing homes will also offer it, but they require you to work there afterward.

Good luck and I hope that your husband calms down a little as he gets used to being at home.
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