I am in need of some serious help. My husband, a Korean War Vet, was living at home with me up until a month ago. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 6 years ago and I have been his primary caregiver. After an incident of him wandering a mile from home (even though had an alarm on door;he banged on it which disengaged it) was found by a passerby and taken to local hospital. It was at that time that I was encouraged to take the offer made by our local Veteran's Home of a bed available. I did place him and needless to say it was the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. In the month that he has been there, I have seen a major decline. I am frustrated with the around the clock caregivers there! I want to bring him back home! As hard as it was careing for him at home, their must be another alternative to getting him back home, with assistance from an in-home or live-in caregiver. Would A&A assist financially with this? HELP PLEASE?? Thank you for any and all advisement. Cinammon99

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Don't bring him back home. It takes those with dementia quite some time to adjust, as some like to call it. For some it happens, for my mom, now on hospice, never did adjust to a comfort level experienced by some.

My mom's behaviors when I was caring for her became very difficult and tiring after four years. I just got to the point I could not do it any longer, much due to twisted sisters denial of how sick mom had become. So, she was first moved to a large facility with a smallish memory care ward. She experienced a significant decline. She was moved to the care home a couple of months ago, again a significant decline. The decline happens with almost all moves. Moving him back home would probably cause further decline even if it was home.

But you asked if A&A would be available for him at home. He would have to qualify financially, but the A&A is less than $1,500.00 a month. Not much when paying $20.00 an hour for caregivers. You are tired and cared for him for a number of years. It is time for you to be a wife, visit him, love him and let someone else take care of his daily needs. You just get to enjoy his company now and take care of yourself. You deserve it and it is nothing for you to feel guilty about.
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Bumping this up.

I really don't have an answer for you, but I can tell you about one family member's experience.

My uncle, who was a dear, sweet, gentle WWII vet. He developed dementia. My aunt was determined to care for him at home. He was a wanderer, like your husband. My aunt used to keep the keys on a string around her neck, so Uncle couldn't get out to wander on the highway near their condo in Daytona.

One of my cousins paid his parents a surprise visit. My aunt, wearing a sleeveless top, was clearly being beater black and blue by her husband, in an attempt to secure the keys.

My cousin was able to hire a geriatric care manager who took aunt in hand, visited assisted living places with her and together selected an appropriate place.

Aunt visited every day; she dropped dead of a massive heart attack a couple of months into uncle's placement. He lived for another two years, quite contentedly.

Your husband has dementia. Caring for a dementia patient is no easy task for three shifts of caregivers. How much more so is it an impossible task for one elderly person!?

I'm so sorry that you are suffering this dilemma. The decline you are seeing may be the inevitable one from his illness, not from lack of care. Be well.
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