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Maybe he needs to get out on his own a bit.Also, he could feel a loss of identity, as many men do, after retirement. If you don't need the money, he could find outlets in volunteering. The RSVP (Retired Senior Volunteer Program) can help him find a focus.

However, you should be able to get breaks from caregiving, too.

Carol
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Men, by and large, are hunters. That's the way we're designed. When I get behind the wheel, I just want to go ... somewhere. No maps, no apparent purpose. There's a soothing, edifying effect to what many call "mindless driving" or engaging in activities outside the home that don't seem to make sense. Particularly when I've already made sure when my home is secure, stable, and provided for.

I suggest you maintain avenues of communication open with your husband at all times, particularly when you need assistance in caring for YOUR father. Let him know ahead of time, as even if he has no clear cut plans for the day he might become resentful if you don't.

Most retirees I know don't know what they're retiring to; and caring for the elderly isn't and probably will never be their idea of spending the time set aside to enjoy the rest of your life and the fruits of many years of labor. Be supportive. If he wants to go hunting, don't stand in his way. He's earned it.
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It gets me, big time!! Two yrs. ago we lived in this simliar situation and my hubby worked fulltime. It stressed me out big time and I cried and hired Grannie Nannies, went to movies, had alone time, had dates and trips w. hubby and more. I felt like an awful person because I didn't Want to take care of Dad and hubby went away to "job" all 12- 10pm. After a yr. and a half of it, I cracked and had to be in a psych ward for a week. We left the state where Dad lives for 10 mos. and had a whole different living situation and I was content with that. We found ourselves forced to move back in with Dad and constant care and I said I do not want a repeat performance, so the stipulation to moving back in w. Dad was "hubby" not work outside the home...he patted me on the head as if to say "ok" but had a sly smile at the time. Now when reality hit and we were in the moment again, I was reminding him of his "what I thought was his promise". Things have cooled and we are ok again, thank God...but he still says he'll go off and go to "work" one day........I remind him...."only when absolutely necessary" and he pats me on the head and acts as if I have no say in the matter.....Hey!
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