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Short history- my husband was adopted and is an only child. His mom was abusive and still is, shes 73 and has multiple health and I suspect mental health issues. she is mean/ diagreeable and rude in public. He says she's always been that way. I don't know how I'll keep my sanity if she moves in.. I applied for guardianship of my adult niece, after my sister died. Lisa is sweet but will never live on her own. my mother in law treats my niece as sub human. I don't know what to do.. anyone else gone through this?

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Is you husband insisting that she move in? This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. He can do the "right thing" for her by getting third party help through social services or somewhere without endangering your welfare, his welfare, your marriage and your niece. Maybe he feels obligated and doesn't know he is not. Helping is great. Being abused is not. He does not have to go on being abused. Would a counselor be able to help? A pastor or Rabbi?

Carol
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Carol has a point - you must be willing to draw a line before problems start.

have you considered charting what-if scenarios & going over these with him? If he is looking at diagrams showing scenarios & choices of outcomes it may be clearer to him ..... sometimes if you take the emotion out of it and use charts & diagrams as examples it is an easier conversation to have.
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Do not have your niece live with you or his mother. Find other public homes for both of these needy human beings. That is the answer. You will ruin your marriage and your life by having relatives live with you You will see that happen and regret it so stop it before that happens because it will.. Simple as that. Your life WILL be ruined This is a train wreak waiting to happen STOP it NOW I finally moved my father to a home after 2 years of fighting with my husband It DOES NOT WORK...Your niece has to go and his mother must go . BOTH must not live with you..
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Thanks, guys, I did talk with my husband to run a few "scenarios ", like where do you see her staying? (all our BR's are on the second floor) and who will be here during the day? and a list of nursing services and the cost... It didn't take him long to consider alternatives, when HE was the primary caregiver.We also had a long talk about the way we want to live and who we allow to disrupt it. He spoke with her today and told her he thought an assisted living home would be best and she suddenly began feeling stronger and had friends and neighbors whom she loves and spends time with. Then this morning she called and asked to go with me today because she has no no one to talk to (4hr drive both ways) to visit my grandbaby ( the one she screams at for singing) I polietly said no,but I wanted to scream NO WAY! anyway I digress, I am getting better at not being manipulated and appearently she isn't as sick and weak as she pretended.
Also I am going to get some counseling and I'm checking on services that she is eligible for that will keep her in her own home.
And Lisa will always be with me, I was like her second mom, so putting her anywhere would destroy her, and she is mentally impaired but she is a also a sweet sweet kind soul, who never raises her voice or complains or is rude.
I really appreciate this site!!!!
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Good for you Miss SusieQ. Hope to hear more as time goes on, you have lots of support from all of us.
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