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I seriously think she could land herself with a world of trouble if she prevented her husband having access to his money. Yes, I agree there is no mechanism to stop her; she could do it tomorrow morning if she felt so inclined; but if questions got asked, and given that the husband is a vulnerable adult, all kinds of insinuations might be made.

But I can't imagine her wanting to do that, anyway.

You make a good point about the continuation of the joint account following the decease of one account holder; we've found that our clearing bank has actually just left the whole thing as is. In fact, now that it's come up, I'm not sure the executors will have thought to tell this particular bank that one party has died. Oops. Better get on to that in the morning :/
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Well actually while it may seem odd, she can certainly take all of it legally right now if its a joint account and she is not just an authorised user and there is nothing anyone can do to stop her.

Can I just allay some fears though. A joint account is not part of the estate of the deceased. The other account holder automatically becomes the owner of the funds in the account.

The bank will make an administrative change to remove the deceased's name from the account. It might do this by transferring the money to a new account but more likely they will just change the account name.

It is not the same as with a single account holder when they do freeze the account pending probate or other evidence of future ownership of the funds
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Rosmarin, Is your husband talking about his own separate funds, such as the settlement he received which may be construed as his separate property?
Whether or not it is determined as separate property, once it is comingled in the joint account it may be construed as joint property.

I did not get the idea that you were trying to steal his money, but instead manage the marital finances to his benefit and yours, as community property, with impending expenses for his care looming on the horizon.

You mentioned going to the bank for advice. See an attorney instead.
Once there is a dispute concerning finances, banks get funny and may take sides.
Ask your attorney this: "Do I have to divorce my husband to protect our finances?"
Don't forget about your own autonomy in an effort to protect your husband's 'autonomy'.
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There is just no respect today for what should be the legal entity of Mr. and Mrs.
There is the husband, a legal entity.
There is the wife, a legal entity.
Then there is the 50% legal entity of division of assets in a divorce.
There should be acknowledgement of the couple's assets and income.

I agree with helping your husband to draw up a will with an attorney.

You are married. Open your own account at another bank, and put 50% of the marital assets in there. imop.

Think about it. How could this get any worse? You are trying so hard, your husband is very ill. That loss is so hard on you already. Your efforts to help him should not be thwarted by his 'autonomy' as he clearly is not thinking of his and your future needs. At the very least, you should become his rep-payee to receive any social security funds to spend on his behalf.
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When did it become right to deprive a person of access to his own money? At best that suggestion is incredibly unethical. At worst, if anyone got to hear of it and construed it as being done "with the intention permanently to deprive…" etc., it could lead to a charge of theft.

Don't do that.
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You stated that you are on a joint account(s) with your husband, and that you are thinking of tough love. Perhaps open up your own bank account in YOUR NAME ONLY and drain any joint account you have with your husband. This will prevent him from giving any of YOUR money away to relatives who show up out of the woodwork at the worst possible times. I had to use Hospice in the US and found them to be wonderful, caring and understanding as well as a small respite for myself as the sole caregiver for my mom. The above poster is correct, finances is not palliative cares business. It sounds as if, so sorry about your husbands illness, that he is being a bit unreasonable or selfish. You have given your life, your all, your everything. Do not feel guilty. You would be doing the right thing. My personal mantra is: 'Right is right and wrong is wrong'. Take charge, and take care. Wish you the best, btw.
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To return to the headline, what prompted your husband's announcement of his intention to give these legacies to his nieces?

One possibility that occurs to me is that he might be thinking generally about inheritance tax - will the estate take you over the threshold?

Anyway. If he's serious, it's simple: you call a solicitor and ask him to visit the home so that your husband can make a will. To be blunt, he has a right to do that and you, as his primary caregiver, have a duty to facilitate it. If you are concerned about your own financial position after his passing, there is no reason why you should not be present to raise your concerns during the discussion; and an experienced, responsible family lawyer will normally be supportive of a spouse's reasonable expectations. Look for a firm with WIQS accreditation from the Law Society - you're not obliged to use the same person who's been dealing with the personal injury claim.

Have you had a Carer's Assessment done? You are entitled to a certain amount of respite care provided by your local authority in your own right. Contact Adult Social Services for advice about that if you haven't already. Adult Social Services will also arrange a home visit from a local authority Financial Assessment Officer who can advise you about your entitlements to care services and whether you qualify for any support. These people are there, paid for by you: use them.

I wouldn't, myself, involve the palliative care team in financial differences of opinion. They may - or may not, depending on how they view your husband's right to autonomy - be sympathetic, but this isn't their territory.
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Update - Eyerishlass - husband not able to get to bank on his own but I shall be going there this week for advice. He does not seem to understand we need the money to get care in - he doesnt want care in! Community palliative care nurse calling again next week so I shall get her to talk to him. He might end up in our wonderful local hospice which would be so much better than a hospital. I have always supported them with donations. The UK government only gives them 13% of their costs unfortunately.
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Many thanks Garden Artist & freqflyer! I was told by the lawyer dealing with his claim that if he gets mesothelioma he might get some more compensation but the consultant said it was just lung cancer though I dont trust them to know as they didnt pick up the cancer until too late - they kept saying it was scar tissue.They should have given him a proper scan instead of just X rays last year or earlier I realize now. The NHS is not that great and I feel sure if we had still been in VA/DC area he would have been looked after much better. I had wonderful treatment there . Our NHS is always short of funds so treatment is sketchy - you have to keep pushing them and when older patients are treated its hard as they usually have several different diseases. Its all a question of funding and if I had been on the ball I should have gotten a scan for him privately. All your advice is very helpful and its so good to know that you care!
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FF raises some interesting questions. Did some quick checking to confirm my recollections. Johns Manville was an asbestos supplier, and was named in the (probably class action) lawsuits for it's role in causing mesothelioma. In 1981 it filed for Ch. 11 protection as the asbestos lawsuits were affecting its stability.

As I recall and I didn't research this aspect, settlement funds were set up for future asbestos claims, limiting the amount of damages available to sufferers of asbestos related diseases.

I do NOT know, though, whether this settlement affected JM's American only or nonAmerican operations. Since Rosmarin is in the UK, I don't know whether or not the Ch. 11 outcomes affected it's worldwide operations including the UK.

From what you wrote, Rosemarin, it may be that your husband has already gotten as much as he can get in compensation for his asbestos related injuries, and that's unfortunate - Johns Mansville is still in operation and from what I've read is expanding operations.

In addition to the site FF suggested, there's also some historical information at Mesothelioma..
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GardenArtist Thank you so much for reply. The situation is my husband is 81 with lung cancer from asbestosis . He had a small settlement for this from the government which only funded a car suitable for a disabled person. Because he had smoked for many years though given up for over 20 years the settlement was only 10% of what it should have been. He is terribly weak physically and I have to do everything but he resents losing control especially of finances. I feel he has become irrational and this latest move seems to confirm this. We are not broke but still not flush enough to give money away to virtual strangers! I cant get a job because of my age and want to preserve our savings. We have joint bank accounts and house in joint names, I have hidden the cheque books! He has always controlled my spending though happy to spend lavishly on smoking and alcohol for himself over many years! He is too frail now to undergo any chemo or radiotherapy. I am thinking he might have some dementia not yet diagnosed. He would not sign for POA I am certain.
Yes its time to get tough though I did storm out of the place today - then had to return after an hour to see if he was OK!
(I cant update my profile as this site wont accept my UK postcode).
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rosmarin, I have just read previous postings regarding your husband's lung cancer, so sad he and you have to go through this. You had mentioned he got the lung cancer from asbestos.

Here in the State there is a huge class action lawsuit regarding asbestos that caused a medical condition known as mesothelioma. Check with a solicitors or barrister to see if the UK or the country you live in has this class action lawsuit.
Go to asbestos.com for more information. Do this immediately while your husband is still able to understand what he is reading regarding legal documents, or hopefully you have some type of Power of Attorney for him.
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Rosmarin, has his cancer metastasized to his brain? If so, has he had whole brain rads (radiation to his brain)? There's a phenomenon known as "chemo brain" which affects cognitive thinking. He might be suffering from this.

I think it's also possible that he realizes he's dying and wants to reach out to long lost relatives; perhaps he feels some guilt in not maintaining relationships with them over the years.

However, I agree that he needs to provide for you first. And he definitely is not thinking clearly or reasonably.

I don't know if you could muster the courage to do this, but a good way to put this in perspective is to tell him that if he wants to give money to the nieces, you'll contact them, tell them his schedule and ask when they can be expected to come and take care of him, because you can't since you need to be looking for a job to support yourself after he's gone.

Despite the emotional pain you feel for his suffering, sometimes you do have to get tough to prevent someone from doing something irresponsible.

If he does have chemo brain, and although it will be unpleasant and you'll feel guilty, you might be able to have one of his doctors certify that the rads have affected his thinking so that you can use that statement to get control of his assets before they're frittered away.

I don't know what the procedure would be to do that in the UK.

OhJude, CountryMouse....any others here from the UK who can provide information on the issue of taking control of her husband's assets?

BTW, her post on the cancer issue is here:

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/get-strong-to-cope-with-husbands-terminal-lung-cancer-195450.htm

It helps to know the anguish she's undergoing now.
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Your profile doesn't say anything about your husband. Does he have dementia?

Is your husband able to get to a bank on his own and do this without your help?

Do you have POA? Is your name on the accounts too?

You said you've been caring for your husband for many years. Does he realize that that money may be needed for his care if he wants to remain at home for the rest of his life?
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