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He was a labor lawyer, very involved with the world but everything is narrowing. He just entered what I hope will be a positive program called Stepping Stones and I hope he deals with the issue there.
He was always a very moderate wine drinker but now will consume a bottle through the night so I am limiting access and feel horrible. He actually could go across the street and buy his own wine but so far hasn't. He swears he hasn't drunk the bottles I find around the house, brought by friends. He manages to generally mask his inabilities for a while in social situations but then starts to ask the same questions...and knows he is doing it but can't stop as he wants to communicate. Heartbreaking. He is wearing the Exelon Patch and is depressed, but is being treated for it and seizures from Melanoma that went to his brain (surgery successful).

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Here's a thread that you may find helpful, DowntownLA.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-do-i-help-alcoholic-mother-stop-self-medicating-155081.htm
Take care,
Carol
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How old is your husband? Has he been diagnosed with alt/dementia? Is there some brain injury from the disease? At some point he may no longer realize that his memory is fading. At that point there's no use in arguing with him. You may convince him of some point in the moment but it's gone soon thereafter. The drinking is a tough issue. I've had to put the brakes on my intake a time or two in the past. it must be hard for you to not seem like the nagging wife. It may be hard for him to understand the slippery slope of alcohol if he is currently handling one bottle a day without negative consequences. (Hangovers?) I'm guessing you'll get lots of helpful responces on this site. You may want to post in the discussion area as well. Glad you're dealing with this early. Good luck.
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How big of a man is he? Alcohol is a drug. It has to be consumed in the right dosage. Women average size are told.to consume 2 glasses 4 Oz of red wine for heart health. Men might need.more. but a whole bottle is too much. Maybe your doctor can take.out an old-fashioned RD pad and write down "2 glasses per day after 6pm" and also.write "if amount exceeded or time is earlier, you will be admitted to County DeTox".
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Do I understand correctly, that there has been some lasting damage due to the melanoma? I took what I read to mean that the only reason he was not as brilliant as he once was, was the side effect of the melanoma spreading to his brain.
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My husband was a brilliant lawyer too working for the government in the Estate and Gift tax department. This has been very hard for him. He became extremely depressed and started having temper tantrums over his frustration of not being able to say what he wanted to say. He is on 2 different antidepressants now. Is your husband on antidepressants, they might eliminate the need for the alcohol.
Where do I find the discussion group?
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That sounds a lot like my parents. They were always high achievers in every aspect of life. Once they entered their 70s they began drinking wine heavily and basically declared they were "done with life". This consumption grew from all afternoon to eventually starting at 7 AM and in lieu of food. It's been a roller coaster for 4 years. My dad just returned home from a month in hospital and physical rehab. and the diagnosis so far is alcohol dementia which has shrunk the front portion of his brain. He is otherwise potentially pre-Parkinson or Lewy Body dementia, but has not been solidly diagnosed as having either one of these. The alcohol situation is incredibly difficult because it is a coping mechanism, but it exacerbates all of the other problems. Both of my parents have been near death (the doctor's words, not exclusively mine) within the past 10 months. If it takes the place of food, if he starts getting days and nights mixed up, etc. it will have to stop. I found an interesting blog at "The Immortal Alcoholic" where I have learned a lot and benefited from reading others stories.
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First, tell his friends to stop bringing the alcohol. Next, you need to talk to the doctor who did the surgery.
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Take him to a Reformers Unanimous meeting at a local church.
Reform U website.
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Why should you feel horrible about wanting to save your husband from dying with cirrhosis of the liver from too much wine? Dilute the wine with water. Exelon patches can cause the depression, and I never would let my husband have any of those meds (Aricept, Exelon, Namenda) after one dose of each and the nasty side effects. There is going to be five steps dealing with dying so read Dr. Kubler-Ross' book. She was dying when she wrote the book and it remains the "bible" for those dying. Each of us has to deal with dying. How one handles the inevitable is unique to that person and some deal with it by trying to hurt themselves and others don't. It is not your responsibility and you do not need to feel guilty. Be patient, loving and listen to him...
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I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time. It's going to be hard, but you're going to have to get rid of the alcohol. Mixing with meds is a recipe for disaster. Drinking can worsen depression. I had a patient years ago who enjoyed a cocktail before dinner. She became very depressed after a close friend passed away. One glass of wine turned into a bottle. Her family enabled her, and despite nurses and doctor intervention, she continued. She fell and broke her hip, which confined her to a wheelchair. It's must be so hard to watch a person like your husband, a very intelligent man, begin to lose memory and decline after such a successful career and life. It's hard to say no. But, you're an intelligent and informed person, and you know what's best for your husband. He's drinking because he's depressed, and the alcohol is a temporary band aid, albeit a dangerous one. Have you let the doctor know? I wish you well:)
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