I can't get over my husband thinking he is in the stuff that is on TV programs. What stage is this?

Mom started that some time ago. We started watching stuff like The Jeffersons (we are white) and old black and white shows. Anything that she would not recognize as her family. It helped.

Get some help with him. You can't handle this alone! You will burn out!

GREAT! Actually I tend to be curt because I have no patience. Mom is where I'm standing right in front of her and she is not processing what I'm saying. And it could be just telling her to sit down. Mom is allergic to deoderant, she breaks out in welts. Arm and Hammer has a scent free deoderant out. This seems to work for her only she tells me it itches. I have never seen her scratch. I told her "better itch than stink". She showers Tues, Thur and Sunday. Sat. is a sponge bath. These r the only times I use the deoderant and it seems to work thru the day she doesn't shower.

When his light bulb was on last night I told him that I can not deal with this. If I can't take care of you then it is a memory care facility with the VA, what ever they say. I told him he had to work with me or be gone. To dangerous with pee all over the place. I do the straight talk because I am an Army brat and a Navy wife, I am disciplined and tough. I won. He has on depends. I think it might work because he has been having other accidents besides the peeing all over the floor. See what happens next. But my bathroom is clean. Lord help me! GOD Bless the Caregivers. My grand daughter will be her soon to help me for a whole week. My husband loves her like a daughter and a grand daughter. She is awesome and she was with us half of her life, we bought her braces, 1st, 2nd, 3rd cars. We helped get her thru lots of stuff, now she is helping us. Just like my kids. They are jumping in more often now. Love & hugs to you all! I pray we can all have a good day!

College, it sounds to me that you've reached a point where there IS only one thing you can do...place him in a facility. You are worn out & wearing yourself out even more. Soon, if it hasn't already started to happen, your health will suffer. Secondly, I know that you feel obligated out of a sense of love to keep him at home...but you're not obligated to have your house destroyed because he has progressed beyond the point of proper toileting & hygiene. Lastly, his urinating on the floor is truly a safety hazard for him, especially, but you, as well. Either of you could slip on the wet floor & break a hip if you didn't realize he'd "missed" the toilet. Who's going to care for him if you're down with a broken hip or leg?

The past two days I have had a break. Now I need to deal with my huband going pee all over the toilet seat when it's down and all over the floor on both sides . Even when the toilet seat is up he does this. What is going on? Our floors are going to rot out and I'm wore out from washing everything and the floor. We only have one little bathroom in our cottage and he won't use the commode? What happens next you all? Where do I go to get the answers. This one is confusing and of course he doesn't know what he's doing! I guess I need time to think about this and I know I need more sleep. I will write a book for care givers when this is over and I better start taking notes now. We need to let these poor caregivers know what to expect. He did this once in a while before, but now it is everytime he goes in the bathroom. ???????????

Sandwich42Plus, you made a critical point, "'if you drop what happens to the two in your care'" It's a chilling thought and one to be taken seriously.

If you have access to the internet on your t.v. you can go to You tube where they have all the old shows. I found Jackie gleasons The Honeymooners for dad ,one of his old favorites. He actually watched it and made comments, which he did not do with the newer programs. The old shows were simpler with no bells and whistles so its easier for them to understand.

My mil would do that too...only she thought she was in "the price is right", or Let's make a deal...she would wave at Drew Cary, and laugh...answer some of the questions...She loved those shows. So, that's what she got, along with any of the older films, 3 stooges, I love Lucy, etc. That's where she was...and it was good. My husband and I just tried to adapt to whatever changes were happening with her on a day to day basis...bibs for eating because she forgot how to feed herself...so we would take turns feeding her...just like a child. Had no idea what a spoon or fork was for any longer.... She passed this Good Friday...with the help of hospice and some respite care that they provided and we really needed and appreciated that! God bless you, hang in there...sites like this are a blessing...We are all in this together as our loved ones get older and need us to advocate and help to guide them on their journey. Take good care of yourself, try and rest when you can...Be well and God bless you!

Dear College - hugs for you!
Caregiving one person is a full time job. Two? Wow.

All I can tell you is that unless it's something else masquerading as dementia, like an infection or medication side effects, then this is going to get worse, never better. Plan ahead to need outside help, because you're going to.

Dementia care only gets harder and harder. It will be a 24/7/365 job, and not even Mother Theresa can work those hours.

Don't take any options off the table by saying "I will never....." because you may very well have to!

Get him to the doctors already mentioned, the people who specialize in geriatrics and neurology. I wouldn't waste my time with a GP, as they are just not trained on this stuff, and should refer you anyway.

Get in contact with your local agency on aging because they will have a lot of resources for you, to connect with services and support.

You do not need to do this by yourself. You will need a plan in place to preserve your sanity and wellbeing because if you drop, what happens to the other two in your care?

It can drive one batty: Alzheimer's being like a lightbulb that's loose in its socket! Flickering on in understanding one moment & flickering off to completely clueless
this is reflected in the confabulation we encounter in conversing when someone has ALZ. Confabulating is distinct from lying because there is no intent to deceive, and the person being unaware that the information is blatantly false. Carers challenge: is what they say true? The mind is damaged by Alzheimer's Disease. Not only is memory damaged their ability to processt houghts and conversations is impaired.Sometimes the rational switch is on other times it is flckering. Yet the though train can be very logical

UncleDave...I love your description of Alzheimer's being like a lightbulb that's loose in its socket! Flickering on in understanding one moment & flickering off to completely clueless the next. How very, very true!!

HelperMom, the last lessons that my dad recently taught and is still teaching me are patience, acceptance, tolerance,
stick-to-itiveness and understanding on a brand new level. You are learning those things too, we all are but you and College get to graduate with a double major by learning from two loved ones at the same time. Bless your hearts. The first day that I spent taking care of my dad while my mother was in the hospital with a broken hip, I glanced at the door several times and thought to myself, "Run Amy! Run!" That was a dark day. Thank God I grabbed onto that acceptance lesson quickly. I'm so grateful that I've finally learned to enjoy him even though he is a handful. But he gives me long, long moments of contented amusement to soften the hard-knock lessons. 😊

{As has been said by the wise people on this site, you'll be having to change fast to keep up.}

Soooo very true. Forget about labeling and stages. It is difficult for carers to accept their mind is damaged by Alzheimer's Disease and changes occur moment by moment.

We live literally in our living room. My ADW and I spend a lot of time watching TV. No longer can I watch my program choices without thinking what she will absorb from the TV. It can be her covering herself in bed to protect from the rain forecast. Suddenly the TV is a window and she seeing live activity. I get to listen to hours and hours of classical music on the TV music channels. The brain has become like a light-bulb loose in the socket on one second a flickering a moment latter. caregivers Just Never Give Up

IamAmy, wow, thank you for sharing that very wise Amy Grant story. It honestly made me tear up because I spent half the day with my folks, dad has Alzheimer's and mom dementia, they are in AL but dad can have very bad days sometimes and this was one of those days. But he's still my dad and I still love him. I wonder what the lesson is that they're teaching me? Maybe it's just that they're still there for each other after 60+ years of marriage. Hugs to you, and to College, my hat is off to you for doing double care giving duties for both mom and hubs. God bless.

Ooh....sounds like you can handle this bc it's just too much for one person. Get him into an NH!

One thing that came to mind just now when I read, "this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do" oh boy you are so right. My dad is so childlike sometimes because of his dementia. With actual children we can accept that they are childish because they are children but in a grown spouse or parent it's just bizarre at times. I love the story Amy Grant shared when she was dealing with her dad's dementia. She had been venting her frustrations to a friend when her friend finally said to her, "these are the last lessons that our parents will ever teach us." Bittersweet.

College, I couldn't help myself, I grinned from ear to ear when I read about this sudden acting career and giggled like crazy upon reading a later comment where you mentioned how dramatic he gets at family get togethers. Oh dear, dear, dear. I don't have any advice to offer you, it sounds like you have the right attitude, its just tinged with a bit of natural frustration. Great advice from everyone who commented. I just want to thank you for lifting my spirits. God bless you and those you are caring for. Hang in there.

Mom has been with me a year. Most of the time she thinks she is in another place and we have come to get her. Today she wanted to know how I knew where she was because she was at the movies.

JoAnn29, my Joe is always figetting, he is never still, makes me nervous too. It must be something to due with dementia, Joe was hyper before but now it is wacky hyper, poor man. I have to take control on all of this TV stuff. I have to make my kids understand this too when they come over. I have loads of DVDs from our church and I will play them for him too. Thank you for the information. I need all the help I can get. This is a battle and I'm going to win. I have to just stay ahead of him and figure out what to do next. This is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do.

My Mom also gets TV and reality mixed up, dreams too. My Church puts video up every week for shutins. I put a small table in front of Mom with my 17in laptop on it. For the next hour she sings the hymns and recites the usual things. She got so into it last week, when over I told her she needed to get her shower she sais "in Church?". We have a number of cable stations that have the " old" shows. Those she watches. No news and no emergency shows. If there is a fire or bombing she thinks its going to happen in my house. Not sure what stage you would call it but I have seen downhill changes in Mom the last month or so and she is now in Daycare. Right now she is sitting next to be figetting. Bugs me. :).

OzarkOlly: I'm far from a super anything. I do have an angel of a husband. A close friend finally got through to me the importance me keeping my sanity and dealing with the anger I felt. Respit care became a life saver, both at home and for several days at an assisted living community. It was hard dealing with the guilt I felt.
But I had so many people asking how did I know what to do. That inspired me to design an 8 week class (once a week for two hours) with the last 3 being tours of 3 different styles of communities.
I retead my earlier text and saw my spell checker converted calamity to calamari. Funny. 😊

Take care of the hateful part first, a simple change or added Med will help that. My husband, if I blink will pour the liquid on his pills, so I now pay very close attention. He doesn't pour water in tissue boxes but empties every box, plus toilet paper, paper towels daily, folds them ever so neatly and stuffs his pockets so full it's hard to remove then he will ask for a nose wiper, forget that he already has pockets full. At night once he's asleep I take two plastic grocery bags fill one with unused paper the other with used, discard the used bag and fill a container up for the next day for him. I tried not buying tissues, then I'm looking for TP when I need it, it's strange but it's what they do. I do not have the tv problem, he's not interested. He's late stage 6. You seem like you can adjust easily & that is what it takes, every day. 💜💜💜💜💜

My husband started putting himself in TV shows and movies about two years after his diagnosis. I think he felt at a lost as to who he was and was trying to have purpose. That phase lasted about 9 months. It was very traumatic at the time, but now I think back and smile. The worst situation was after watching the movie Uncle Buck. He wanted to look for the children we were babysitting and was very upset when we could not find them. For a long time, we only watched shows with commentators, such as on the History channel.

Everything I've heard makes so much since to me now. Forgive me when I repeat my self or you all. I was so much in denial before, now I understand. I have a peace from all you have told me. I know now it is the disease and not him playing tricks. GOD bless the Caregivers! Hugs!

We have been experiencing same from time to time, but since Dad is next door we are able to limit his tv viewing to a few select channels and he seems fine with that. He did used to assume roles - mostly as policemen; catching the bad guys and either putting them in jail or by shooting them. The shooting thing was rather frightening, sometimes graphic and may have been indicative of his frustrations about loss of independence. He still goes to bathroom by himself also and has adapted to disposables. Not bad for a gentleman approaching 90!

Ozarkolly, Last night Joe did just like your Mom but it was because of a Family party. We played a game with three volunteers to take their card and they had 3 minutes to dress as the character from a pile of clothes(etc) on the floor and we all had to guess what they were. Well when we got home Joe kept looking into drawers trying to figure out how many outfits he could fix up. He is very slick to be sick with dementia. He laughs all the time at sad things and says things he shouldn't say. He was a preacher! (10yrs)

Thank you for all of the things I need to hear. Joe is 73 and I am 69. I will talk to neurologist and see what he will do for us. I guess I also need a psychiatrist for the bipolar?

Wow, Dianepod...I have NO clue how you could caregive for 20 years & then go on to be an Assisted Living Administrator. I've been Mom's sole caregiver for the past 5+ years & I'm also a licensed nurse. I'm SO burnt out that I honestly can't imagine returning to a nursing position once my caregiver role is over. Even the thought of it makes me want to cry. I just don't have the empathy any longer that nursing takes & very selfishly just want someone to take care of ME for once. You must be an extraordinarily strong woman to do what you did...and continue to do.

Kudos to all of you! You haven't shot yourself out of anger or frustrating situations.
I was my Mom's caregiver for the 20 years she lived with us.
As long as they can manage their ADLs it's easier - sort of.
But the advice to pick your battles is important. As long as the statement or behavior isn't dangerous or harmful, take a deep breath and ask yourself if it's worth fighting over.
I found the safest channel for TV was DogTV. All sorts of animals, lots of puppies and all to gentle backround music. It worked for hours. During the last two years of Moms life, she passed away last February, I became an Assisted Living Administrator. Now I teach classes to help people better understand and also be more prepared for their future instead of waiting for calamari then trying to react.