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Brother is in charge of her medical and financial care. He got this power having her sign a POA and changed the terms of the trust when we were sent away on a vacation trip he organized for us (I thought it was such a nice gesture- such a fool I was). She was deemed unfit to make decisions 10 months prior to signing the POA and the changes to the trust- which the brother refuses to show my husband. Dementia is progressive and there is no way she knew what she signed. Immediately after, he evaluated her again and got an official doctor’s letter to declare her Incompetent. My husband has lived in that house for 37 years and we lived with her after we got married and had a daughter, to be with her and take care of her. My husband collects things so the house is not in the best shape but he takes care of his mom for little to no money, since the brother holds him hostage for everything. Clean the house, then I will give you money, fix the pipes and I’ll give you money. When his wishes are not fulfilled the first thing coming out of his mouth is : you will not see a penny. Are your credit cards payments coming? Good luck paying them. Every time is the threat of money and then he threatens to throw us out, evict us etc etc. They have gotten into fist fights many times and my daughter is severely depressed by the situation. He doesn’t care at all what he is doing to all of us, and we do not have enough income to leave.


Years back to cover paying property tax after inheriting the property, they took a life insurance on her name and when the amount paid, exceeded the benefit, the brother cashed it out without consulting with my husband and pocketed 176k which when confronted he said is in the bank and refused to tell us where or whether in whose name it was. My husband procrastinates a lot, and the fact that needing an attorney will cost money we don’t have, we don’t know where to turn.


Some advice will be truly appreciated. This is all my daughter has known. These will be her memories of a broken childhood she will carry forever.


Please help!

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Get a lawyer. If she was deemed unfit to make decisions 10 months before signing paperwork, it would not be valid.
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Reply to tacy022
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Just a few questions, I find your account a little confusing.
When did you and your husband move in with MIL, and why, has she needed care since she was in her mid 60's? Was there a caregiving agreement, or any kind of formal agreement?
If you had a child soon after moving there I assume she is an adult now and not really stuck in the middle of the family dysfunction, or are you very much younger than your husband?
And you mention cashing out a life insurance policy - generally that would only be the amount paid into the policy, a small fraction of the insured value - where is the $175K figure coming from?
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Reply to cwillie
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