Husband recently diagnosed with dementia and now facing the following.

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My husband was diagnosed with beginning stages of dementia in Dec. 2015. He is currently on Namenda XR. What I am currently seeing is some repeating of questions and the fact that when I go out, how soon will you be back. He often admits he does not like to be alone. One of the biggest issues is when I tell him that I am going out with a friend for lunch or dinner, he says sure you can go. Then when I am getting ready, he will ask where I'm going and yells that I never told him, when in fact I did. I even write things on the calendar. I am trying to figure out how do I deal with the fact that I told him, but he doesn't remember. He makes me feel like I'm telling a lie, which I am not. All help and suggestions appreciated, thank you.

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Yes, we are playing Qwirkle, with just a slight deviation of the rules. So far, so good. On some days he does great, other days, just a tad slower, but still gets it.
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holy cow- Quirkle??!! I cannot even figure that game out !
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when my mom got to the point where she forgot to look at the calendar, I would tape a full page note to the kitchen table. Written in large black marker - my name, where I was and time I would be back- drawn as a clock.
Perhaps, since he doesnt believe you-as would my mother, she would think I "just" wrote it on the calendar- You could have him write it on the calendar himself (get a HUGE desk calendar) I never argued with her, I always just pointed at it.... But large sharpie on a single piece of paper succinct and to the point note so he can re-read it as needed-- taped to table- I tried the wall and she didnt see it :P
Anger is fear being expressed...
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dearie123, are you and your sister living together?

I know how very, very painful it can be to be accused of things by a loved one who has dementia. During that period my mantra became "It is not my loved one who is saying these things. It is the disease." Repeat that to yourself as often as necessary! Don't falsely admit anything, but also don't argue with your sister over these accusations. Be sympathetic and comforting. "Oh Lucy, you can't find your embroidered tea towels? I remember how nice they were. No wonder you want to find them. I haven't seen them for a long time. I'll look in the storage boxes for them tomorrow. If we can't find them, do you want to go buy some new tea towels?"

For some people with dementia the phase of accusations does not last long. Hang in there!
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Our son gave us a board game called COLORKU. It is basically sudoku played with marbles. It is a solitaire game but my husband Coy (LBD) and I did it together. Coy's biggest handicap was being a little color blind and not being able to tell two of the colors apart. I could tell within a couple minutes of play whether he was having a good day cognitively or not. I sometimes said, "You know, Coy, I don't think I can concentrate on this game now. Can we put it away for now?" But when he was having a good day he was amazingly good at it. And he was so pleased when he found the right color marble before I did!

Coy had been an engineer and he had a good mind for this kind of thing. His form of dementia does not involve as much death of brain cells as some other kinds. Cognitive abilities fluctuate greatly in LBD. So our situation would not match all dementia situations, but in general I think allowing/encouraging/assisting persons with dementia in activities that challenge the skills they have left can be very rewarding. Obviously this shouldn't be done to the point of frustration.
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Sunnygirl1...thanks for the concern.
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Again, I thank everyone for their help and suggestions...I am only at the beginning of a long journey ahead. I am signed up for a Care Givers class that the neurologist wants me to take for four mornings in October. He feels it will be beneficial and will provide some answers and insight. In the meantime, I try to keep him as active and engaged as possible.
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My Dad has dementia and mom and I have learned to operate "In the moment" due to his short term memory problems. Any planning ahead for the simplest things is pointless. So Mom has learned to get up, get her coat on, and Dad will ask what's up, she'll tell him about the doctors appointment, and usually, away they go.

You can't argue "Yes I told you about such and so". He does accept that his memory isn't as good as it used to be. I just tell him that at his age it's no big deal to forget something once in a while.
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What sometimes works for my husband, who has Dementia, is to have HIM write it on the calendar or white board himself. If your husband is still able to write, that might help. It doesn't seem to help him remember, but when I show him on the calendar, he recognizes his own handwriting, and he knows that what I am telling him is true, that we did talk about before.
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Dearie123, you can seek support at places like this site. There are many caretakers here who know what you're going through. I find it a great place to share, get ideas and support.

I might also discuss your sister's agitation with her doctor. If she's overly anxious and/or obsessed, medication might help her mood. I know that my cousin, who has dementia, used to be easily distressed and obsessed with certain things. It caused her to get anxious and agitated. Medication really helped her and she is now normally content. Also, it may that the things she is doing right now may pass as she progresses in the dementia. There is no way to predict that though.

I don't know of any way to convince someone with dementia that they are wrong, that you did tell them something before or that they are just not remembering things correctly. Even if you write it down and they can later look at it, it may not translate for them as proof. It's not just memory that is fleeting, it's also reasoning and focus.

What worked for me was to agree with my cousin with a short explanation. So, if she said, why are we doing this? I would say, it's what the doctor said and we have to follow doctor's orders. That's what you've always told me you wanted. And then change the subject. Even if I had told her 10 times, I wouldn't bring that up, since it didn't matter. She wouldn't recall it in 5 minutes anyway.
As far as patience goes, I was not able to care for my cousin in her home due to my own commitments, but I was able to have her placed in AL (now Memory Care AL). There is still much involved in being a caretaker, but having her cared for in that way did help relieve some of the stress. I would encourage you to explore the options now, while she is still functioning. Can you get some inhome care for her? The challenges and need for patience are much greater once they become incontinent, are wheelchair bound and require assistance with every single daily activity and to which they may be resistant.
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