My husband was placed in memory care 3 weeks ago.

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He wants to leave and it is suggested I don't visit for another month. I am heartsick.

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My husband was placed in memory care three weeks ago as well. Until yesterday he was sharing a room with another man. Now he is in his own room. It may be too late for you now but our Case Manager suggested that before a loved one (or a not so loved one!) goes into care it may help with the transition if things from home are in place before admission. This way there is an immediate link to home.

My husband thinks that he is in a hotel. Not surprising since I put a "mini bar" into his room yesterday! Now he has his bookcase/books, CD player/CDs, the 42" screen TV that was in our living room, the duvet/pillows that were on his bed at home, his radio and table lamp from his study. The only thing that is missing is his MAC, which is OK because although he asks about it from time to time, he can no longer use it.

Given that the rooms are so large with a large en suite bathroom and that the food is prepared by a "Red Seal" chef, I would almost be tempted to stay there myself. At $2,000 per month it is costing less than what I am paying at home for city taxes, utilities and food!

Of course, I don't think that "someone" is "out to get me" so I am quite happy to visit twice a day--just 2 miles down the road. I am sure that the person who suggested that you stay away for seven weeks (why seven? Is he miraculously supposed to be adjusted by then?) had good intentions but, like Jeanne said, seven weeks seems more like abandonment.

As in all things, follow your heart. You know your husband better than any paid caregiver. I think that adjusting to a new situation (for both of you) is frightening enough without the added feeling that there is no one familiar around to reassure you that you are safe and loved.

Although I visit twice a day I only stay for about an hour at a time and some of that time is spent lying of the bed with my arms around him while we watch TV. Last night we had a glass of wine together--just like we did at home. The night before he got a manicure--just like we did at home. All you can do is reassure, over and over again.

It took six years of full time caregiving before I was ready, i.e. unhealthy enough, to place him in care. It was the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. People told me that I could now get my life back. Yeah--that sounds fine until I realize that HE is my life. As I said to him "It's not the best, but it is the best I can do." Bring "home" to your husband and allow others to care for him while you start to give care to yourself.
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7 weeks does sound a little extreme! I'd do what You think is best for him, but 1-2 weeks sounds reasonable. So sorry, this must be agonizing for you both! Take care!
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pamstegma, two weeks is not seven weeks
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My sister lives in a group home. If she moves to another home, I stay away for two weeks so she can settle in and focus on the new staff and roommates. It is for her benefit, not for mine.
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I'm with Jeanne. You know your husband best, do what you think is right. The Memory care place I had my Mom in, also suggested I stay away. I smiled and thanked them . AND I showed up EVERY day. I stayed away on days my family was visiting but I was there 5 days a week. NOT all day. I went in the morning as I found this to be her best time and it worked for me as well. Somedays I joined her in the activities and others we did our own thing. Walks in the garden, Beauty day (nail filing and moisturizer), 'reading magazines together, walks down the hall, singing etc. You can actually find lots of things to do. She was entertained for an hour watching the landscaper do the lawns! GO and visit, you will feel a lot better!
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I've heard the reasoning about letting the person settle in.

I don't think I could stay away from my husband for 7 weeks while he was in memory care. That doesn't sound like letting him settle in -- that sounds like abandonment.
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