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I was caring for him 24/7.

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My husband died 11 years ago after 41 years of marriage and a family business (which I am still operating). I found myself asking "Now who am I--as just me?"
I found that talking with friends and relatives who were also widowed was very helpful (I sometimes say that one thing I can do is hug widows). Also found that it was good to spend time with my own family--especially ones that I had grown up with. Old friends--people I had gone to high school and college with before I met my husband--were good company. I have gotten involved in church activities that I hadn't been able to do in my husband's last few years. And sometimes I tell myself that there is nothing I can do to change the facts; just do what I can to develop gifts and abilities that I hadn't had time for earlier.
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That's a very long time to be married. I can't imagine how life changing this loss is. I would be patient with myself. There are so many feelings you must have.

I know that with some of my parent's friends, they bond together when they lose their spouse. Some are neighbors and others are church friends. They call each other on the phone at least once per day. They meet for breakfast many mornings, go to the Y for walks, take day trips, go out to dinner, go shopping and just stay busy.

I know that the grief must be difficult. I would encourage you to reach out to others. Sometimes sharing with others who have gone through something similar can be helpful.
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I'm sorry for your loss. Check out your local senior center or community center for activities you may enjoy. Start slow, check out other groups in your area, volunteer for your local hospital or nursing home. You will meet new people and may find new activities you really enjoy. Your husband will always be in your heart and memories, but you will find you can enjoy life again. Go forth and have fun.
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Elsabee, that is a long time. So much of your life has been together that it may take a while. Do you belong to a church? That would be the place I would start, because there are groups that do things. There are activities to volunteer for that accomplish good things for the community. You are in a position that many women find themselves in late in life, since women tend to live longer than men. I have a feeling that you will find several friends who know exactly what you are going through. When you are ready, these women may help you find a new direction for your life. If you're interested, you can also join the local senior center. Many of them have so much to do. You may make fast friends with the people there. Many people are widows and widowers who have found new things they like to do.
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53 years
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Elsa, I am so sorry for your loss. Finding yourself will take awhile, a day at a time. Find a grief support group, many churches have them. Getting together with people also going through grief will be a good start. You will find things you have in common, perhaps meet for a cup of coffee or lunch. Does your local library have a book club? What do you like to do? Swim? Hike? Or just go for a walk? Cook, play cards? There are many informal groups that do all sorts of things together. Google "meetups" you will find groups in your area that share some of the interests that you have. Sewing? Knitting? Line dancing? Opera? Ballet? Even birdwatching. Take your time and take care of you.
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Elsabee, I am so sorry you lost your husband. How long were you married? It is going to take some time to heal. I don't think there is any best way to find yourself again. You never really lost yourself. Your direction just changed to taking care of your husband. I think it is totally okay to spend some time just being yourself and breathing. Do the things that bring you some contentment. Allow yourself to feel bad. Let your friends and family know you still care about them and share time together. In time you'll see new opportunities of roads to travel and realize there is a lot of happiness left for you. We probably each have to find our own way out of the grief. It is a sad thing about being human. Grief can be a huge consequence of loving someone.
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