Husband has Parkinson's disease, dementia and other health issues and "past is catching up with him." Any advice?

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This maybe off topic, but, I value this message board opinion. My husband has Parkinson disease, dementia. He just had a stroke this month and is in rehabilitation center for further care. He has 2 adult daughter from a previous marriage. He went to visit one of his daughters that lives out of state one weekend since he been sick to give me a break. When my husband returned home from that visit he was very upset with his daughter and son-in-law because he stated that they ambushed him. They carried him to an adult male stating that this male maybe his son. He stated he was with his mother before we started dating and when he asked the young man's mother if the child she was carrying was his, she said no. After so many years now after my husband is sick and can not communicate as well, my stepdaughter insists that dad needs to talk to this young man. She is convinced that this young man is her brother. She feels that I do not want her daddy to know his son. I told her I was not that type of person, I accepted both of you and your sister, so I will accept this other young man, but, your daddy does not accept this young man as his child. A few day later, I talked with my husband to let him know that I feel he needs to call this young man so that you can clear this situation up...all you need is to do a DNA test. Well he called this young man and left a message, that was approximately 2 years ago. Now, my husband is suffering from complication for a stroke, my step daughter wants to bring this young man to the husband. I told her no, because after all the frustration my husband had with the first encounter of meeting this man, I do not want to upset him again since he is trying to bounce back from his stroke. She got upset with me and has not been to see her father. I did tell my husband, since he is getting stronger on what happened and I told him wants he get better and back at home we need to find this young man's mother to see if this child is his. If she said he is, they need to do a DNA test to make sure. My question is "Should I have allowed this young man to visit my husband in the hospital"? Does my step daughter have the right to ask me to allow him to visit my husband while he is in the hospital? I feel now, that the rumor is out that my husband has another child, because my mother is asking me if I need to talk to her about anything in regards to my husband. I told her no. Please advise. Thanks. Ann

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Thanks for all who gave me input to this issue. I really appreciate all of your comments. My stepdaughter is in her 40's and the young man in question apparently in his 30's. I am not sure how my step daughter became involved with this young man. For me, everything came out of the blue until my husband spent the weekend with his daughter and her family. I thought she was being kind to give me a break, but, now, I feel she had this plan. The young man, apparently, is telling my stepdaughter, he did not want anything from my husband. For now, I am going to avoid my step daughter until my husband is able to take clear up this situation himself.

Again, Thanks.

Ann
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I think your step daughter sounds very immature and may be indulging in fantasies with rainbows and unicorns and everyone embracing in a tearful family reconciliation. It's lovely for her if she has befriended this young man and accepted him as a brother, but it doesn't seem as though anyone else, including the young man, are buying into the fantasy. Let her know that you have always been open to settling the issue of paternity with him if he contacts you and chooses to pursue it, but otherwise she should mind her own business.
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You were quite right in refusing to allow the young man to visit your husband.
How old is this young man?
How did your step daughter come up with this story. His mother stated he was not your father's child.
Has the young man requested a visit with your husband himself?
If your step daughter chooses not to visit her sick father that is her loss. Stop initiating contact with her at least for the time being.

Does it really matter if your hubby has another son. It was before he married you rather than the the result of infidelity.

Your step daughter is up to something but I don't know what but it probably involves money in some form, it usually does.
She is going to find out eventually so best to hear it from you.
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Just to clarify, two years ago your step-daughter introduced a young man to her father as a long lost brother/son?

At the time the young man did not want to follow up with a DNA test to prove paternity.

Fast forward two years, your husband's health is in decline due to complications from the stroke and his daughter has brought the young man back into the picture?

Why is your step daughter doing this? In my family we had a meddling women who tracked down a child that had been given up for adoption without either of the parents being aware of what she was doing. She planned a big surprise party to introduce the child to the family. It was a disaster and non of her business.

The young man is not your husband's son until there is a positive paternity test. As such he does not have the right to visit your husband in the hospital. The young man dropped the ball 2 years ago and until there is an explanation as to why he is back in the picture now, I would ensure the hospital knows only family are allowed. Your DH does not need the extra stress.

If the young man decides to have the paternity test and the results show that he is indeed your husband's child, then what? Does he expect to receive part of your husband's estate? What about the family that raised him?

Finding long lost family can go either way. It can be a wonderful event or a terrible one. I do not believe a hospital bedside is the place for it to play out.
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