My husband's in a nursing home. Every time I go see him he says he has to get out of there. I don't know what to say?

What an awful predicament for you, just wanted to let you know that I sure feel bad for your situation, I am pretty sure that someone on this site has been through this and can guide you, just a big hug for you, it must rip you up each time you think about it and when you go there and come home.

My mother did the same thing to the point that we thought she was so miserable we brought her home twice only to have her end up sick and in the hospital within a week,, she needed the skilled nursing.. we tried lying to her at first and she never forgot we told her she was going home and it was non stop calls,, my sister her poa had to block her calls it was so bad.. We finally stopped telling her she was coming back home and she seems to have accepted it a little better she has her days, she tells us she doesnt want to die there.. Its and awful situation. They told us she is fine during the day and she only calls us during her lucid moments but for the most part shes wheeling around in her own world,, so sad..

I heard a story on NPR last year about a memory care facility that built itself a "busstop" right outside its facility. When patients get agitated, they can wait at the busstop with a staff member until they get distracted by something else!

My Mom was in a memory care facility. thy were expert at distracting the residents. When someone wanted to 'go home' they were told the bus was delayed and they would come and get them when it was through the traffic jam. 90% of the time, that was fine. On to the next activity. Think creatively -- traffic jams, houses being painted, furnaces or air conditioners that aren't working well and being fixed, etc. Good luck

Well, if he doesn't think he is in a nursing home, maybe he is talking about heading south for the winter. He is manipulating you, attention-seeking, but doesn't know quite how to do it. Agree with him and talk about the "vacation". Ask what he liked about old vacations and share happy memories, hold hands.

Its hard. Try distracting or going to do some activity with him at the nursing home, but if he needs to be there, he needs to be there...when he sees you he thinks he needs to be back with you, and that would be very normal and natural for him to want.

How long has he been there? I assume that his care at home became too much for you to handle. I assume that you feel guilty, because we all do, no matter how hard we try. This is so sad for you, especially if he is a loving and loved husband.

He will probably settle in even more. In the meantime, try a little therapeutic lying. Tell him he has to stay in this "hospital" or "rehab" for another week until he gets stronger. Maybe don't actually say that he can come home then, but let him think so.

He is happy and well taken care of when you are not there. (If you doubt that, send in a spy that he would not recognize, who can see how he acts when you aren't there.) What he needs from you is love and comfort. Your guilt feelings don't help him to be happier, so try to let them go. He does not need you to take him home, or to explain to him why he has to stay. Tell him you miss having him home. Ask him why he doesn't like it there, and agree with his complaints.

Give him in fantasy what he can't have in reality. Discuss how nice it will be to sleep in his own bed, to walk in the back yard, to see his friends in church or at his favorite bar. Act as though it will happen again, just not right now.

Avoiding the harsh truth and indulging in reminiscing will give him comfort, and make it easier on you. The easier it is on you, the more time you can spend with him loving him. God bless you.