How do I handle caring for my elderly mother who has a fractured hip when my husband is playing the self-pity card and is causing me more stress?

"My mother has had two previous hip replacements " and'"now has a fractured hip". What a mess! Were those partial or full replacements? Sounds like her bones are extremely brittle. What is her bone density?

LJ6249....my husband is the same as yours..my father was terminal with cancer last june was his 74th birthday (his last b-day) we had my dad a b-day party & my husband attended. My whole family knew this would be dad's last b-day. My husband got mad & left my parents home stating that his wife wasn't paying him any attention...my husband caused me sooo much stressed during my father's sickness.
Now my mother is terminal with lung cancer, I have been living with her for over a month to care for her! I told my husband that I love him. I also told him that I was gonna take care of my mother, she's the only mother I have and if he can't understand that.....then husband's are a dime a dozen!......I was not present with my dad as much as I wanted to be to care for him...I did spend the last week with him...but this is a big burden on me now, it haunts me to this day..and NO ONE will stop me from caring for my mother when she needs me the most! Spouse's should be the one people that understand and they should appreciate the fact that they are married to a caring person....I don't understand what's wrong with some people....but please...care for your mother..you won't regret it and God will bless you for it...God Bless You and your Mother

Wow LJ I do not even know how to reply to this. I'm an only child and of course I'm the only one to take care of my mom. My husband and I married very young, and his mother seemed uninterested in any of her 4 children, my husband especially, so when we married my mom stepped in, she has been far more a mother to him than his own, and I must say he loves her much more than h is own. So he tells me "whatever I have to do is alright with him, he and Leo (golden retriever) can get by without me.
We as caregivers do not need the added guilt of someone as selfish and childish as your husband......... as my husband says "whatever you have to do" You will have to make that clear to you immature husband. I'm sorry if I sound bitter towards him, but he is acting like a spoiled child.

I watched my grandmother go through this. Her sister had terminal lung cancer, then her mother got sick....my grandfather turned into this childish, petty, whiny man. I have to give me grandmother kudos that she didn't kill him *L* Everyone else wanted to!

Wow, this is exactly why We are the caregivers... I know what you mean. I have an ALF (Assisted Living) for seniors in south FL and my b/f does that whining thing, makes me want to (but I'm not a violent person) so then I think of showing him the door...
But he gets over it when I repeat our mission statement to him (we're a non-profit and I do a lot of advocacy for people who will never pay me a cent) and I point out that he's only got One job and for now it's 4 days a week.... And that when his folks get there, I will help and that my mom also lives with me/us, and she needs help and he's a big boy.
Right now, my seniors come first and everyone knows that

If HIS mother is still alive, then what is he planning to do when her health goes south? That for sure will take him out of his comfort zone. Start praying now, cause God help you all then.

Thank you Lilliput for your reply.I have been up front with him and this is not the first time that he has gone through this with me and my Mom.My mother has had two previous hip replacements and heel surgery.I am always there for my mother .My husband is a creature of habit and admits to being self centered.This situation causes a change for him.He is caring,loving and is there to do things for others---though it has to be the right day and time for him.Other wise it messes up his personal life.No my Mother is living on her own. I was there for him after back surgery----non stop for 6 months. I guess I do live a busy life with work and family but I always come home ready to give more of myself to him and the home instead of myself .

I think the "right-up-front" approach is always the best. Tell the hub that your energies are not limitless and, for right now, Mom is in position #1 for your attentions and you would appreciate his cooperation. Do not buy into his pity party...you are only one person - you cannot do everything. Tell him that this is putting additional stress on your life.
Is your Mom living with you? that does complicate things sometimes...everyone sharing the same space can get challenging.
The hub should thank his lucky stars that you are a compassionate person who is present for your family...never know when he may need the same loving care.