My husband is very dependent on me. All suggest placement but don't know if I can do it. Advice?

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I have been caring for him for 5-6 years. Getting very agitated daily. He gets aggressive every day a 5;30-6;00. am really getting tired olf it all. Wo't let me bathe him or hange clothes

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Hugs to you, xhausted, There really is nothing like having a life partner with dementia. You not only continue with your prior duties, you take up your partner's former duties, and you also take on the additional duties of caregiving -- sometimes without appreciation. It is, indeed, exhausting!

What kind of help are you getting? For example, do you have someone to come in a bathe him once or twice a week? Do you have a personal care attendant to stay with him several hours a week so you can go out on your own? Have you discussed his sundowning behaviors with his doctor? Is his doctor a dementia specialist?

What kind of support do you have? Are their friends and family members how call you often or come and visit and tell you what a great job you are doing? Do you attend a support group? Have you considered therapy for yourself.

Putting your life partner, your soulmate, in a care facility is not a step to be taken lightly. Sometimes it is absolutely the right thing, the necessary thing, the best thing to do, for both of you. But before taking such a drastic step, I suggest taking the intermediate step of getting help in your own home, and getting more support for yourself. If you are already doing these things, then maybe it really is time to look for a good care facility.

Hugs to you. This is hard!
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I don't want to sound unfeeling, but I took care of my Father who had dementia and was violent. It was a blessing when he died. For the past fifteen years, I have been the sole caregiver for my Mother who is 98 years old and needs everything done for her except eating, which she can still manage. I am in my sixties and have no real life of my own. If you are able to place your husband into care, DO IT. You are entitled to live your life and be free of the awful guilt and anxiety that being a full time caregiver causes. As long as he is well cared for, clean and comfortable, visit him once or twice a week and go live your life. In my experience, People like my Father with dementia do very well in care, and sometimes treat the professional caregivers with more respect and consideration. That was true in my Father's case. You'll never get the years back and you'll become bitter yourself. It's not worth it.
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It sounds to me like he would be lots better off in a 24/7 care facility. He will have skilled care there and believe me, they do bathe and change their clothes. At the rate you are going, he is going to outlive you. Where does he go, then? I think you need to make that move, now. You can still care for him and be with him daily - but you need some rest.
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xhausted, what would help is for you to know more about your husband's condition and that to expect so that there aren't any surprises. What you are going through, from what I have read, is not unusual. Click on this website which is part of AgingCare https://www.agingcare.com/Alzheimers-Dementia
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What about a part time home health aide or respite care? If he qualifies for Medicaid the state will cover it. If you are reasonably well off you can hire someone for something I can't currently afford but it not much $10-15/hour. Although now that I think about it, respite care is ideal, you can try out a few homes and get a feel for them and he can slowly ease into the idea.

I am not sure how it works as I did not know about it until it was too late with my mom but homes take people for a few days or a week and the caregiver gets some rest.
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I just shaved him and he got very abusive verbally. Then he says he loves me- says it constantly but shows nothing but hate.
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When people with dementia become agitated around the same time everyday it's called sundowner's syndrome. It usually happens late in the day which is why it's called sundowner's.

You can't prevent it but you can anticipate it. Make sure he's had a snack and some fluid. If he is prescribed an anti-anxiety med make sure you've given it to him. Don't expect anything from him at this time (for example, not a good time to attempt to bathe him). Again, you can't prevent it but you might be able to make it easier on him and you.

If your friends and family are beginning to suggest that you place him in a skilled nursing facility maybe that's something you should think about.
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