My MIL new husband had a heart attack a month ago. He can't care for her anymore. I am too ill. He has burnt his bridges with his own family with his paranoia, bad attitude and the beginnings of dementia of his own. He lost 35% of his heart this last heart attack. Until the attack his normal way to cope was to jump in the car with my MIL whenever people didn't do exactly what he ordered them to. He sold his home because he didn't want the government to take it. They have been homeless for 2 years.

SO they have been living with us on and off for years. This last year they have been here 2 months, gone a month, here 3 weeks, gone two weeks.. you get the picture. He is accustomed to dropping off my MIL and leaving for his own activities.
She has progressive supranuclear palsy. It is progressing. She can't feed herself, walk, go to the bathroom by herself. I am glad she agreed to wear depends. She refuses to have a wheel chair. She says she can walk perfectly fine. it is part of her dementia. Luckily we have chairs we all use that just happen to have wheels on them so We can push her from her bed to the kitchen table. Until July 31 I was her caregiver whenever he dropped her off.

Being her caregiver I ripped the transverse muscles and it took weeks for me to heal. I CANNOT, as in it is not physcially possible for me to dress her, put her on the pot or put her shoes on. I can still cook for her and feed her.

A week ago he told me he was leaving for a cross country trip and he was doing it alone because it didn't appreciate us trying to interfere. He got in the car and drove away without his wife. I was in shock. I don't know if it is dementia or anger issues. We had to take her with us on our family trip which changed everything of course. Luckily My husband and sons were there. My husband got a hotel room so he could care for his mom while I was at my own mothers house being with her for her time of her husband death. The sheer selfishness of my FIL.

Well 4 hours down the road my FIL has to stop and get a hotel room, he has another attack. He sleeps over night and then comes back 2 days later. He says he changed his mind but I think it scared him.

He is always looking for a fight so he has an excuse to jump in the car and go. He can't do that anymore. Well three days ago he manufactured a fight and moved into a weekly rate hotel room with my MIL. He looked into reduced rate housing but that meant that he had to fill out the forms for medicaid and he believes if he writes down the gifts he has given to his daughter, the government will go to her home and take them from her. So "to protect his daughter" he can't fill out the medicaid forms.
He hired a gal to watch my MIL for 4 hours everyday, sometimes longer so he can drive around town. So he will have spent 600 this week just so he doesn't have to be in our house.

I am grateful. He is hard to deal with when he is looking for a fight. I am concerned for my MIL. Their money will soon be gone at this rate. He doesn't have the strength to drive out of town. He is paranoid that someone will call
'the authorities" or "the government" on them.
well...His own paranoid behavior will probably lead down that path someday.
until then options?

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This situation sounds vaguely familiar, someone wrote something similar this past summer, but the elders in question were living and driving in a RV, and the wife had serious medical issues. Let me see if I can find that.... those answers would be helpful.
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A definite yes, get him off the road. He is a danger to himself and other innocent families when he drives. Report his license plate number to your local police and let whatever happens happen. This a tragedy waiting to occur!

Get him admitted to an ER for evaluation and advise them you are unable to care for him at home. They will find a facility for him. Contact his family and let them know what is going on NOW. It should be their responsibility at this point to see to his care. He deserted your MIL on several occasions and proven he is unable to care for himself or her.

They are in your house now? Next time he provokes, call 911 and let them know you are afraid of what he might do. Hopefully before that happens you can get him admitted to a hospital for evaluation. You husband needs to step up and take care of his first responsibility - you and your children. This is a very unhealthy situation for your children!

You need to be taking care of yourself and your children. Just let hubby know you can't and won't do this anymore. It is his problem! Good luck.
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Just for moral support, in case this wasn't already 100% obvious: your being involved directly in caring for the Bonnie & Clyde of the dementia care community is NOT one of the options. Over to your husband to do the worrying, may I respectfully suggest? I am touched, though, that you clearly do care what happens to this couple, in spite of everything. My condolences on the loss of your own family member.
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They will end up wards of the state unless you pursue Guardian status. He is losing control of the situation and he knows it. BUT the guardian proceedings would be up to his or her children to agree on and pursue. In-laws have very little status before a Judge.
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