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My best friend’ mother was like this. Turned out she had A fear of being told she had dementia. It got worse as she grew older
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Reply to Secretary1
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This reminds me of my dad. He was 92 with an unspecified type of dementia.

We kept hoping this behavior would just go away on its own, so we took no real medical action and tried our best to distract him in various ways or to assure him that what he thought was happening really wasn't, and that he was ok.

The only thing that really helped settle his concerns was Seroquel and as needed anti-anxiety, prescribed by his neurologist. We moved on from his PCP who prescribed Memantine, which did not help at all.

Looking back, my dad lived for months on end as a confused, frustrated, agitated, annoyed, irritable elderly man. He was not like that before he turned 90. He must have been miserable, but we just did not know what to do. He was so different. I think we were in denial.

Seroquel helped. When his ability to swallow decreased, the pill was ground up and mixed with applesauce or pudding. Anti-anxiety allowed him a break so he could be at peace and content, which meant the whole house was content, too.
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Reply to DaughterofAD3
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My husband was the same. He also twice ran off and was brought by the police to the emergency room, where they excluded UTI, hydrated him, and sent him home. He was a darling with the doctors and nurses. Luckily the third time in the ER he pushed aside a nurse, tried to escape, and was transferred to a psychiatric hospital were finally was given appropriate medication.
I don't know if calling the police during an outburst and asking them to take him to an emergency room would help, he may be calm and sweet with them and then mad at you. I would try to talk to his doctor for advice if you can call without being heard. Should your husband end up in the ER, be sure to talk separately to the doctors if you can (I couldn't).
You may want to consult Adult Protective Services, the police sent them to us the second time and a nice experienced gentleman managed to convince my husband to see a doctor. Hubby ended up in the hospital before the appointment, but maybe the visit would have helped.
Please stay safe. My husband, who would otherwise never hurt a fly, threw me on the floor a couple of times during one of his crises.
I am sorry you have to go through this, I hope a solution will be found soon. Don't forget to take care of yourself if you can. A big hug to you.
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Reply to AnnaKat
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Geaton777 Oct 24, 2025
This is why taking a video is helpful.
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Oskar7811: You could garner knowledge on the disease by reading the book, 'The 36 Hour Day.'
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Reply to Llamalover47
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I’m sorry to see your husband with behavior problems. Dementia has its challenges. So no choice but to wait for an emergency to send him to the hospital. Memory care is the best arrangement.
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Reply to Patathome01
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Take him anyway. If it's dementia it is only going to get worse. If it is UTI, etc. it needs to be treated immediately.
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Reply to JustAnon
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My mom never believed in going to the doctors. She got so angry if you tried to make appointments for her. My mom's Dementia mad this worse. If your husband was always stubborn, he will get worse and even combative. You may have to wait until he has an emergency trip to the hospital. That is what I had to do with my mom.
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Reply to Onlychild2024
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If this is sudden and new , or an increase in anger and paranoia call 911 , have EMS take him to the hospital to be checked out .
Sudden behavior changes can happen from multiple issues . Some of those could be a UTI, Sepsis, pneumonia , dehydration , electrolyte imbalance and others .
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Reply to waytomisery
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Sounds like your husband has some form of dementia as paranoia is one of the many symptoms and thus why he is angry because he is aware that he is losing it and has no control over it.
Contact his PCP and see what if anything you can do to help him. And also check to see if he may have a UTI as that can cause dementia type symptoms as well. That you don't need to take him to the doctor for but can buy an over the counter test to check for a UTI.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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How old is your husband? What other odd behavior does he display?

Paranoia is a very common behavioral symptom of dementia. My Aunt went through it, and the anger and negativity. My Mom has bouts of paranoia. She is now on Lexapro and it seems to help a lot. She has mild/moderate dementia.

If you are his PoA and it requires a medical diagnosis of incapacity to activate the authority, then I would go into his medical portal and let his primary doctor know about this behavior, that he is refusing to go to appointments and that you need a diagnosis to begin managing his care and finances. You may need to create a therapeutic fib to get him in and the primary will know what to do. You tell your husband that Medicare has a required free annual wellness exam. Maybe make back-to-back appointments for yourself as well. Stay in the room during his exam and test (and he can stay in during yours). Make sure he agrees to take the cognitive/memory test. Based on the outcome, you may need to do more testing (like MoCA or Slums) or see a neurologist. Dementia is mostly diagnosed by discounting all other medical causes. You may need to tell him he needs to be checked for a tumor. Whatever it takes.

I wish you success in getting him in to his doctor and getting an accurate diagnosis.
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