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My husband needs 24/7 care, and I cannot be there due to working. He is very personable, cognitive thinking is good, but he would spend so much time alone and he seems to thrive on the social aspects of his facility. I am 15 yrs younger and feel guilt when I am not there every day. My stress level is very high and am not able to eat a lot of foods due to allergy, so I know I am undernourished. How does one take care of oneself without guilt and no time?

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I was taking benedryl to help me sleep while Mom was in for rehab last summer after I got poison ivy working in the garden.I continued to take it when I realized it would help me sleep well at night. I stopped taking it after she came home because I did not want to be too drowsy at night and not hear. I now take one OTC, 3 mg. melatonin supplement pill right before bed and this helps me sleep but if I need to wake in an emergency I can.
I was also using Z Quil while she was away, but only for a couple nights at a time...that has the same stuff in it as benedryl...diphanhydramine, so you may want to avoid that if you are concerned about taking benedryl...
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Don't feel one bit guilty, some people like to spend time alone, I am one of them. I'm sure your husband would want you to take time for yourself, he loves you too. You have made sure he is well cared for and that is wonderful. I think you set the bar too high for yourself, time to lower it. I'm sure he rather spend his time with you while you are not stressed out, so in the end you'd be doing him a big favor! Go enjoy yourself....
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A caregiver must first care for themselves or they won't be able to care for anyone else. This includes when someone is in a facility for you still have some caregiving duties. The decision for placement is never easy, I've been there so I know. One must weight the pros and cons, if the person you are caring for has increased care needs and requires you to lift probably needs placement. Placement allows for 24/7 supervision, medical needs are met and new issues are usually caught early due to observant nursing staff. If the one you are caring for is a fall risk, placement could be a good option. If he is in the facility under long term care Medicaid, then contact your local office and ask about spousal impoverishment, if qualified you will be able to keep more of his income which will help to ease the financial burden. No matter what the reason, it is difficult to visit a loved one on a daily basis. If you go weekly and call in between, that should be sufficient. If the weather is bad and you only visit every other week and call in between, that's also sufficient. Try not to feel guilty about his placement and not visiting everyday. This may actually make you feel closer as you are not together everyday. Food allergies are especially difficult, visit your local health food store, they will be able to assist you with nutritional info that will get you back in shape. Good luck
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Re: Benadryl--there was a study which showed Benadryl use associated with higher risk of Alzheimer's. I'm on stupid phone so can't insert a link. But I used to take Benadryl every nite to get to sleep....no longer doing that!
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First, I'd ask your Dr. for anti-anxiety meds to help relieve your stress. Secondly, you have no reason to feel guilty because you are working hard to keep him in a safe facility That extremely admirable. You need to set aside a day or two where you plan an activity for you and your husband for a few hours that day. You also need to take one day every week or two for nothing but you. get a massage get your nails done just anything that may make you feel better. If you can't afford one of those options just take a day where you sleep. or take up a hobby. This will help you to relieve your anxiety and your stress.
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Her allergies seem to be food based. Benydril won't help. Do u feel u have to spend the entire evening with him?
Some places allow you to eat meals with patients. Your husband should understand. Just an hour is better than nothing.
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Benadryl will help if allergies kick up, it can also help you sleep at night.
When husband went into the nursing home, did you ask about the community spouse allowance? You are not expected to be impoverished, you needs should be met. Ask the Social Worker at the facility for help.
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