What do I do when my husband keeps asking to go home with me?

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He is an assistance living. He crys when I go visit and crys when I leave cause I won't take him home. I visit 3 times a week for 5 hrs at a time.

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You are doing all you can. This is hard for you, but likely when he gets used to you being gone, he does okay in AL. He's reminded of the good times with you when he sees you, so continue to give him the love and caring when you are there, but stress that you love him enough to care about his safety and health and that he needs this extra care now. This is his new home and you are there as much as you can be. You'll have to learn, somehow, to detach from his crying, knowing it's temporary (and maybe even manipulative?). Don't let guilt eat you up. You don't deserve that. This has to be depressing for you, so be sure to do things you enjoy with friends who can give you support.
Take care,
Carol
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Ask the Senior Center or other resources in your area about support groups. You will deal better with it when you find out how NOT ALONE you are in this situation. There is nothing more you can do except change your own response to it. Otherwise, the undeserved guilt will eat you alive. God Bless for the time you do spend. That is more than most.
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I sympathize with you. My husband is in a nursing home since his stroke 2 1/2 yrs. ago. He keeps asking me to come home too. There is no way, since I work and he needs around the clock care. I tell him someday when he gets better. It's hard, but I don't think he'll ever come home. He has too many health issue to deal with. I too visit my husband about 3 times a week. I don't stay as long as you do but at least I'm there and we are in contact via the phone. It's hard to see them there, but at least we are there because we care about them. THere are so many that never have visitors. Bless you, I know how you feel.
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Does husband possibly need a mild dose of anti depressants? I can only imagine how sad they must be when they want to come home and can't and don't understand perhaps the why. God Bless you
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I would like to say that guilt is the caregivers biggest enemy. Those of us who visit our loved ones regularly are already the type of person who is sensitive and loving people. We have a wonderful quality of empathy, wich some folk lack. Those qualities as wonderful as they are, are also the personal traits that cause our guilt, because we can never do enough. We are in a battle with ourselves to have some resemblance of a life of our own and still care for and be responsible for someone who we carry in our hearts in a deep way. I moved my Mom closer to me almost 3 years ago. She was in assisted living down the street from me. She is a stroke victim and due to many small strokes is an invalid. It would have been unsafe to have her live in my home and due to her weight I would not be able to care for her. I have visited het basically every day, with a few smal breaks with my husband occasionally. Yesterday I had to move her to skilled nursing - the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. She is trapped in her body, unable to speak or express her needs except for one or two words at a time and they often come out different then what she is trying to express. She cannot read or write and although her hearing is good now has trouble following television or books on tape. Her eye sight is minimal. Her mind pretty much understands and hears everything even though television is difficult for her. Even music can make her nervous I visit her daily spending 6 hours a day because I am her major communicator. I know her enough to know her needs that she can't speak. Caregivers don't have the time to wait for her to express herself as they have other residents with needs too. In assisted living the staff at least became familiar with her needs and ways, but now that she has had to move to Skilled Nursing, we are starting all over again in helping others understand what she tries to communicate. My point here is that no matter how much I do, or how loving, kind or supportive of my mom I am, I feel guilty I cannot do more. I cannot relax and enjoy my life knowing she is living the kind of life she has now. She was a Court Administrator, a woman of pride, a kind and good mother to me and has been stripped of everything. I have not figured out yet how to resolve this within myself and move on with my life. I have a good husband, adopted and raised two responsible children, have 2 adult step children and 7 Grandchildren...and this has been the most demanding nd difficult time of my life to watch my Mother struggle with the basics of life....and I cannot help but feel guilty because I can't do more.
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My mom has been in a nh for 3 years; she babbles but largely none of it makes sense except for the i loves you which come every few minutes; i am grateful for those. Mom is happy and mobile and can say let's go now, or i want to sit down and some others. I suffered alot of guilt to but have only bits and pieces of it now. I think after awhile I unconciously just accepted the situation for what it is. You mom has been in assisted living and away from you so why did you find it difficult to place her in a nursing home? That's the only place my mom has been a nh. She has alzheimers and didnt deserve a nh but she had no money, i couldn't support an assisted living arrangement for her. medi cal only allows one to go to a skilled nursing facility. Take one day at a time; breath. Relax and know that your mom is being cared for 24/7.
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Knowing what I know now, and only if the clock could be turned back, I would find a way for your HUSBAND, not your mother, father, aunt, uncle, cousin etc. to come home. Yes, you read it correctly...come home. Depending upon his age, and other health considerations, I'd say to myself: What if the roles were reversed? What if it were I, laying there in that bed, asking just to put me in a room upstairs and send a tray up three times a day. I'd find away to change my own diapers, and read or watch TV. I wouldn't bother anyone.
The time will come when he'll be GONE, so try to be kind........understanding....loving......and thank God that there, but for the grace of God, go I.
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My husband is in assisted care facility for one year now, and it isn't any easier. I feel guilty that I cannot continue to take care of him. Long before he entered the facility, our Dr told me he needed skilled nursing. Day Care evaluated him and said skilled nursing, lock down Alzheimer Unit recommended. I feel lucky to have found the assisted care home he is now in, but the guilt won't go away. He doesn't always know me, but welcomes the attention and asks me to take him home, says he will pay me to drive him to his home. I have actually brought him home for a visit twice. He doesn't know the place and will say he has to go now. It breaks my heart. We've been married 51years. So, I know how it feels to be in your shoes. It is a hard walk. I hope you find some peace. God bless.
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