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Read through these wonderful responses from wonderful people who understand what you're going through. It may help you realize that you aren't alone as well as give you some ideas.
The main thing is that this will change as your husband changes but it will never be easy. I hope that you can keep us updated here online and that maybe you can find a support group to attend - one for spouses if possible. Also, get to know the staff well. As was mentioned, they can be such a big support.
Our hearts are with you,
Carol
No wonder that we are grieving, that we feel alone, that we are under great stress. The holidays only rub it in that most good times are in the past -not the future.
Crying can release some of the tension - but if we are going to survive, become healthy again, and able to monitor his care and help his new caregivers interpret his needs and respond we have to make some changes.
For me the hardest is getting enough sleep. Lack of sleep makes it hard for me to think straight for me and for him.Time to establish a new and timely bedtime routine.
Secondly I need social support. Right now old friends do what they can, But I am finding that the spouses support group at the facility really hits the spot. They know better how to work with his new routine, to participate in care but gladly accept much needed help. They understand the loneliness and the worry.
Each visit now I run into one or more of the wives and we swap tales about how our husbands are doing. The old timers give ideas of how to handle current issues and help me realize that the problem really aren't so bad. They help each other prepare and handle the next step of the disease.
The second group that are beginning to help me not feel so bad are the staff members. Each visit I have made the point of greeting the staff and whenever they help my husband when I am there thanking them. It has taken a while but now they greet me with a smile whenever I visit and are quicker to respond to requests for help. They are my husbands new neighbors and I want them to be mine too. I am not quite so lonely now.
I also need to accept that it is time to plant the seeds of that new life that will be mine alone when this ordeal comes to an end. What form of exercise shall I make part of my life to maintain my health? I am beginning to look forward to being able to travel again. What relatives and friends will I have the chance to visit? What hobbies will I find rewarding at this point in my life? Which books have I been wanting to read? It is time to start these activities on a small scale. I have joined a card group that meets once a week.
Cry when you need to. But resist living entirely in a personal pity party. Accepting the inevitable and beginning to learn to live with it will be a big help. Let's pray for all the spouses who are suffering through this hard change of life - those we know and those we don't. God love you.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
In order to be happy.........I've lowered the bar quite a bit and that works out. It helps to be grateful for even little things. If you've lost a great love............you are one of the fortunate ones who had a great love. I thank God for that.
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