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My husband has pretty severe night incontinence and refuses to use the bedside commode I bought which fits into a small alcove within three feet of his side of our bed. He insists on using a urinal bottle but all too often misses and urinates on the carpet, the side of the bed and himself. I have a waterproof sheet and large pads tucked everywhere and inbetween sheet and matress and on the floor but he manages to dislodge them. I have tried so hard to calmly help him change clothes, guide him to the bathroom which us also closely, have a rope light around the edge of the bed, but this morning I finally got angry when he would not let me help change his wet shirt. I am putting the commode up again and need suggestions as to how to better handle his stubborness about using the commode. He also urinates on the bathroom floor. I have tried restricting liquids from early afternoon until bedtime. Help!

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I hope you get some suggestions about how to deal with this. I didn't encounter this with my LO. When she became incontinent, she was in AL and they just put her in the Depends and that was it. She didn't protest at all.

Have you talked to his doctor about it? I wonder if the doctor could suggest going with the Depends, just for awhile, so that husband may accept it. Convincing him to use the bedside commode or not to urinate on the floor, won't likely work, since he's not thinking clearly. Some people go with the Depends and then an adult one piece pajama that buttons in the back and the person isn't able to remove, so they can't take the Depends off. They are available online at various sites.

I'd explore some options, since I'm sure you are exhausted from lack of rest, plus, there's the smell and germs from the urine. It's a lot to handle. I hope you find some answers.
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My stepmom made my dad clean up the mess. He started cooperating.
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Bumping this up. The Alzheimer's Society has podcasts about dementia, incontinence, and challenging behavior. So sorry that you are going through this.
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If he is a veteran, he can get his briefs free from VA....has to see a VA doctor, who has to write an order, but well worth the effort!!!
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My husband is incontinent (both ways) and bedridden. It took a long time, but I finally convinced him to wear incontinence briefs. I was told by a nurse not to call them "diapers" because that could be humiliating to an adult. Even then, he soaks the bed every night, right through the pads. He is on diuretics for congestive heart failure which makes it worse. We experimented with different kinds of briefs, even ones advertised as overnight. At this point, I'm considering doubling them at night. Remember that this is probably humiliating for him as well as emasculating. But he needs to make a choice to either get up to use the commode or wear briefs at night.
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I appreciate the suggestions and answers. Husband has agreed to wear depends and I do have the correct size, but they still leak terribly. He wears regular underwear over them and so often wakes at night with soaked clothing. He can get up and remove them himself sometimes - yet not every night. I did show him all of the wet clothing and had him sit in a chair this morning while I changed the bed and put even more pads over the edge. I said that he must use the commode and I removed the urine bottle. He also said that he was using the depends during the day now. My new worry us the expense of multiple oars of depends daily.
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If feasible, pull up the carpet. There is nothing like a hardwood floor or flooring strips or squares that look like hardwood. Any washable surface would be better than carpet. Mother went from carpet to vinyl hardwood and we love it. Great advice above.
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You could try condom catheter with depends also? Just a suggestion. I took care of my mom for 41/2 years and it was trial and error.
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It sounds like you may have to just go ahead and take away the urinal and make sure he can't get a hold of anything else he could use as a urinal. That way, it gives him no other choice but to use the bedside toilet. Another thing to consider is if you haven't already done so, perhaps adult diapers might be needed and maybe even consider putting him into a facility, but one with a good rating. I had an elderly friend who also became incontinent but I think a good majority of it was not an accident due to his behavior toward the end. I went to see him one time and there was an almost diarrhea feces all over the bathroom. I guess he thought I was going to clean it up because one other time he threw a fit over nothing and expected me to clean it up but I set boundaries. He quickly realized I wasn't taking no crap from no one and his attitude changed.
In the case of your husband, you would know if this was a behavioral issue but definitely remember you're dealing with a health hazard. Hopefully you have good machinery and carpet shampooer if you want to keep him at home and keep cleaning up these messages. However, the bigger the messes, the harder it will be to clean up because the longer it will take to clean it up and the deeper it will get into the carpet and then into the wood floor beneath. Eventually it'll go even deeper so hopefully you'll consider removing the carpet and maybe putting down a rubber floor to alleviate this problem. It also sounds like you either need a real good plastic mattress protector or a waterproof hospital mattress with hospital equipment wipes like they used in hospitals. If he's on a regular mattress without some form of protection, he's going to end up ruining that mattress, especially if he still sleeps with you and not in a separate bed. Instead of those flimsy mattress protectors they sell in stores that are often easily ripped, I would go with window plastic if you're protecting a regular mattress. Window plastic is more durable and you can tape it in place after wrapping it underneath the bottom of the mattress. Packaging tape is actually handy for this kind of task and this is the route I would go in your particular situation. If he has a hospital mattress, all the better. You can still make the bed as usual and still make it comfortable for him so the plastic doesn't get hot and uncomfortable.

You may want to consider getting a hold of your local aging services to see how they may be able to help you. While you're at it, I would contact any kids you all may have and any other family to see who might be able to help you because you just can't do this on your own, especially if he's bedridden. I would definitely be getting some help or putting him into a facility especially if the incontinence gets really bad, and only you know just how bad it is. If you're constantly drained or even aggravated at always having to clean up these messages, it's time to look at alternatives. I personally wouldn't put up with this too long and he definitely shouldn't be allowed in bed with you if he's really that incontinent since it would also affect you. These days there are better beds with two separate individual mattresses, you see them on the market, but when someone becomes in continent there's no way to stop them from coming onto your side and I making a mess. This is why separate beds are actually a very good idea
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Don't know how serious the dementia/alz is- are mobility problems of getting in/out of bed a big factor of why he doesn't use the commode? If so- assistive products could help. A Superpole (or balance pole of a Friendly Bed) would allow him to grab the pole to stand and pivot onto the commode (and pivot back to bed). No walking means less chance of falling when sleepy, weak, medicated, and in the dark. Just throwing ideas out- good luck!
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