My husband has Parkinson's and I'm finding it more and more difficult to have empathy. Any advice?

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My husband is 14 years into Parkinson's. I think he is Stage 5 - has most of the symptoms. He has absconded mentally from our relationship. He does not take responsibility for his condition or anything else much, doesn't exercise as he should, doesn't attend speech and therapy sessions. I find the apathy really hard to deal with. Every day is the same, when I get home from work and as if he has done certain tasks which I asked him to do I get "no not yet". I want to scream with frustration. Over the last month we have had a serious decline in mobility and I am unable to lift him. His personal hygiene is deteriorating. He is becoming incontinent, not every day but about twice a week I have to wash clothes which he has wet. He cannot handle any stress and when he is stressed he goes into spasms and can't move. Last night we flew back from visiting my brother in Texas (my first holiday in 6 years and I am still working to support us - the holiday was horrible dealing with his problems). He had lost his wallet in Dallas airport, when we arrived at our destination he could not remember having lost it nor that we had been away, didn't know where he was and went into a total anxiety fit. I had to try to calm him down all the way home in the cab telling him he was safe and on the way home. He wakes me up around 3.30 or 4 am every day to help him to the toilet because he finds it difficult to walk. I have to get up at 6 am to work and do a 30km commute each way in heavy traffic. I am always tired, angry and frustrated and don't even like the person I am becoming.
The scary thing is that if we are going to do something he likes, like going out to listen to music, there is nothing wrong with him, he walks quite normally and is ready before me and will just go out to the car. Drives me nuts because I have to wait for him all the time when we have to go to doctors appointments, etc., or if I have to be somewhere. I'm not sure what I'm dealing with here besides the Parkinsons. Any suggestions please? Also I am afraid to leave him alone because if he's having a bad day and falls, there is no one to pick him up.

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If you are talking about getting him off the floor there is the Camel "inflatable chair" product that will air up and get him into a sitting position. Not cheap but a much better solution than getting yourself seriously injured. Let me know if you need details. Good luck.
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My problem is that I can't lift him when he has a episode and freezes. I had spinal surgery 9 months ago and I'm afraid of hurting myself.
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He is just as likely to fall in a facility as at home. You can give just as good a care as a facility but you may not want to. No one could fault you for reaching the point where you just can't handle anymore. That is when you opt for the facility. I fully suspect I may reach that point but I haven't yet. I always say I will know when it's time. I hope so
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He sounds ready for a facility. Start looking into it, it will not ever get better and he can fall or whatever, you deserve better .
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What you describe sounds like Parkinson's Dementia (also referred to as Lewy Body Dementia). One of it's features is fluctuating cognition. With the fluctuation (which is outside the control of the patient) caregivers often question if the patient is just being lazy. Everything that you describe fits into this disease, and it is outside of the patient's control. I have been where you are, and it's awful. It's important for you to accept that these symptoms are part of the disease and not within his control. It will help with your anger. Blessings,
Jamie
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Congrats on the improvement- strange things can happen. My dad (towards the end of his nursing home stage) had bad dementia/alz. However one morning I stopped to see him and it was as if no problems existed. Asked about how all our kids were and had total understanding of what was happening. I have no explanation for that- a body can do weird things as it was a one day deal.

For sure get some help from home service providers as suggested above. Regarding the home aids you mentioned- contact me if you would like as I attend national tradeshows and have seen things most people do not know exist.
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I just read a bit on WebMD about Parkinson's. It sounds as though the takeaway is that you never know, day to day, what to expect. How frustrating that must be!

It also sounds like depression can be a big part of the equation with Parkinson's. Is your husband being monitored by a psychiatrist who can nimbly change meds if they stop working?

Do you like and trust your husband's neurologist? Is s/he someone you can partner with?

It sounds as though you are personalizing your husband's symptoms. I think I would too. But it seems that many PD patients can have a different level of functioning almost everyday. I think you should talk to your husband's  docs about how much to expect from him each day.
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I encourage you to reach out to the Parkinson's Foundation, www.parkinson.org. They have great resources to answer questions. Also, you might explore hiring an in-home caregiver to give you a break - you could get someone to stay with your husband once or twice a week, all night, and then you could get a good night's sleep at least.
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Thanks to everyone for their comments and suggestions. We have an occupational therapist and social worker coming to assess him this week. I have bought every home aid suggested to make his life easier. After all the stress we went through on vacation and for the first 4 days after getting home, I decided that if we had another night with so much distress I would call 911 and have him admitted. Since Thursday there hasn't been one wetting accident, he hasn't woken me at night and manages to use his urinal bottle and his mobility has improved to the point where he can walk with just a cane most of the time; sometimes even without a cane. What's with that? Im not discounting his Parkinson's, he does have problems and im willing to help as much as I can but my whole vacation was ruined because he allowed his anxiety and self centered behaviour to take over. This morning he is walking completely but he did struggle when he first woke up. Can anyone explain this huge change?
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Maybe it would be best if you didn't depend on him to do any tasks. He might not be capable
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