Follow
Share

He is very happy being here, where we've lived 45 years. How much should I push this?? Our daughter lives with us, so I am able to get out and about some by myself.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
The "experts" don't have to deal with them. Advise is cheap and easy to give. It's not their problem. Let's see how it would be if the shoe was on the other foot. Do what's best for your husband and to *ell with the experts.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thanks to all you folks for your helpful comments. The experts say it's best for him to get him out and involved, such as a daycare center, but he would be so upset with me if I did that to him. So for now, I'll keep him home while he is happy and content.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Mopsygirl,
What is the goal you wish to accomplish by taking your husband out, social interaction, exercise, keeping abreast of the world outside? Often people with Alzheimer's/dementia have lost the ability to be social or they realize they have mental deterioration and don't want to embarrass themselves. They also can't navigate (both physically and mentally) like they used to and possibly don't want to look dependent on you or, God forbid, get lost (be separated from you) while out. Maybe he is confused enough that he is spooked by "the big bad world" out there. (Just listen to the news!) If he doesn't seem sad to give up going out, I wouldn't push it. Take coffee or tea in the back yard and sit in the sunshine, (Good vitamin D). Can you both walk to the mailbox down the street and back? Is there a park close by? Could you both visit a neighbor who lives within walking distance?
I take care of an autistic epileptic gentleman. He loves his room and feels the most comfortable there. It's his sanctuary. It can be a chore just to get him to walk around the rest of the house for a bit of exercise. You can be assertive but I would not recommend being aggressive in this case. Just my 2 cents. 😉 Good luck
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I hate city interstate driving. No matter what the time of day now, people are always on the road. I wonder where all these people are going at 1:40 in the afternoon on a work day. Why aren't they at work? Why are they on the road? I don't know why city traffic is always so bad now.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Venturing out to drive is a challenge. I do a fair amount of driving. Practically, every trip, I encounter a person coming towards me in my lane....The reason? They are texting. It has become epidemic. In 2016 drivers have so many urgent messages that they must text while driving their car. It's unbelievable.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I've found that I'm enjoying staying home more, but part of it is the increase in wild traffic. Sometimes I don't even drive more than a mile to get out of my neighborhood w/o someone tailgating me and honking his/her horn b/c I'm driving at the speed limit.

Then once out of the subdivision, there's the risk of an accident within the first few miles because of congestion, wild drivers running red lights, crossing up to 3 lanes w/o signaling or moving from one lane to the next. Running lights has become commonplace in my area.

Driving has gradually become unpleasant except for rural areas. I can't imagine how much the traffic might stress out someone with any kind of dementia.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

My mother and father are home bodies. When they lost physical and mental abilities, they both became progressively more home bound. Toward the end of his life, my father was terrified of leaving the house. He didn't understand things like distance to the ground because his vision was fading. People scared him. He became increasingly autistic, so going out was torture that could send him into meltdown. I didn't force going out on him.

My mother is getting the same way. Now when people are going to be coming to the door, she'll take a long trip to the bathroom or her bedroom to do something. She'll make excuses about it, but I know she is just avoiding people. She stays away from everyone now. The only time we leave the house now is to go to church or out to eat. I have the feeling that pretty soon she'll be staying home all the time. She doesn't see well, her mobility is poor, and people confuse her. It is all too much for her. I sympathize and won't force her to go out if it is hard on her.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

I wouldn't push him too hard either, but I do appreciate the comments of Pattisage. I know with my Dad you can ask if he is hungry, he never is, you just fix lunch and hand him his tray and he will eat pretty well.

But this is a subjective call. If you can plainly see that he benefits from getting out of the house, maybe push him a little. If it makes him nervous to go out why bother.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I would think that this friend might have a little more concern about what her friend wants. Granted, some things have to be done, like meds, baths, etc., but, getting pedicures? I wonder if she might consider that her friend just doesn't want to do that everyday. Since the patient loses so much control, I think I might allow her the right to make those decisions that are not harmful. I would think that staying inside and not going shopping might come under that category. At least not on a daily basis.

At some stages of dementia, the patient grows confused and is not able to process some things. Forcing them to become overly stimulated might be quite unpleasant for them. I'd respect his feelings.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I'm caring for a dear family friend in-home, with the help of her best friend (lives here too) and a caregiver that comes in for the daytime hours, 7 days a week. She's in moderate/late stage dementia. We think it's important for her to go out every day with her aide, Some days she refuses at first, but the aide tells her. "This isn't a discussion. You need some fresh air and sunshine. It always makes you feel better once we're outside."
And it always works. She may pout for a few minutes, but she goes and she ends up loving it. She gets mani/pedis and enjoys going to her favorite frozen yogurt shop around the corner. It's working for now.

One thing I've learned, if it helps. We don't ask anymore, not about eating or food choices or going out, etc. - She started having a very hard time choosing anything, even if only given two options. The dementia has also eaten up the part of her brain that controls hunger, so she'll say she's not hungry, if asked about the next meal and it's late already. So we've found SO MUCH peace in just being the "leader" and telling, not asking. "It's time for dinner." "It's time to go out now." "It's time to take a shower/take your medicine/go to bed." Taking the questions away made a huge difference for us. I hope you can get him to go out again. I think it's so good for anyone, especially emotionally. Blessings and the best of luck!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

I wouldn't push it; he may not feel safe outside b/c of his dementia. The outside world can be very frightening to someone losing cognition.

I would focus on keeping him happy inside with activities that are appropriate for his level of Alzheimers.

It's wonderful though that you are able to have some private time.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.