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I tell him he is imagining things and I get upset with him. I know you will tell me to try and not get upset but it is difficult not to. He even says to me if you know I am sick why do you get upset?

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This is tough because dementia manifests itself in different ways for everyone. You HAVE to go out, if for no other reasons than to grocery shop or take time for yourself. But, when hubby accuses you of hanky-panky while you’re out and you try to explain to him you’re not, he comes back at you with “You know I’m sick, etc.” Interesting. So on some level, he knows what he’s saying isn’t true and by that he means you should excuse his accusations.

A few responses come to mind, “Me???? HA!”, or “With THIS old lady body?” Or take the complimentary tack, “Oh, honey, no one could compare to you!” Or, “I am way to tired for that stuff!” Or simply give him “that” look and walk away. Don’t dignify his remarks with long explanations. Sounds like a little self-pity on his part. Don’t indulge him.
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My father in law used to accuse my mother in law of having an affair with the priest at church, the mailman, neighbors and family members. It’s all a part of paranoia and the fear that some experience. While it was difficult for her to deal with at the time, she would just give him a kiss and a hug and tell him no one could compare to him and then give it no more energy - arguing with someone who has dementia is pointless.
He stopped the accusations about a year ago and now when she isn’t right next to him he usually asks where she is (every five minutes!) but we’ve noticed even that behavior is changing and often he forgets altogether she is away.
Hang in there and do your best to make light of the situation.
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This may stop.
It is funny, all the things that bother us at one point will stop and new "problems" or "challenges" will arise and you will think back that the other problems you had were minor in comparison.
I did not have this particular problem with my Husband but a few women in my support groups have dealt with this although their husbands were not diagnosed with Alzheimer's but Lewy Body Dementia.
If you have not had your husband to a neuro psychologist or geriatric psychologist that is familiar with all forms of Dementia it might be time to make an appointment. There are medications that can ease the paranoia. It may take a while to find the right drug and the right dose but it would be well worth it for both of you.
Would your husband be a good candidate for Adult Day Care? It would give you a break and give him something to do to take his mind off the fact that you are gone.
And I can not stress this enough...IF he becomes very agitated at some point and becomes violent in his accusations you MUST do everything you can to protect yourself. Even if that means placing him in a Memory Care unit. You can not care for him if you are injured or killed. You can still be a caregiver and advocate if he is placed. But you are your first priority when it comes to safety.
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That's a tough situation. My goodness...I hope you will get some responses on this. I suppose that I would discuss it with his doctor. Perhaps a referral to a geriatric psychiatrist. Also, I would ensure that the house is proofed for any dangerous weapons. I'd be concerned that he could get overly upset. and make sure you are safe.

I just thought of this as well.  At one phase, my LO was very scared of what was happening to her. She wanted me there at all times. She was not rational.  It was apparent that she needed to have someone with her at all times.  She needed that reassurance and comfort due to the strange feelings she had. She often described it as being in a dream. Maybe, your husband could benefit from someone being with him at all times.  I wonder if being  alone might trigger their fears.
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I agree, your safety comes first. If you can consult with a geriatric psychiatrist, there may be medications that would help him with his anxieties. In the meantime, make sure that you take care of yourself. If you are really worried about his behavior you can contact Adult Protective Services to help you evaluate the situation. Wishing you the best.
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The answer to your question is that yes, eventually he will stop with the accusations. Until then, by sure you are safe.
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My husband did the same thing for about 6 -7 mos and then ,I guess because his disease was progressing, he stopped and never mentioned it again.
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Remind yourself that it is the disease talking not your husband. And if you are a praying woman pray for grace - I sent that prayer up multiple times a day.

You have received some good suggestions. I would parrot what Sunnygirl said regarding having someone with him. My mother would get so lonely - even if I was just mowing the lawn. They are not in charge of their feelings at this point and when they are alone they feel bad...so it is your fault for not being there and you are who they take out their anger/frustration/fear on. It is worth a try to see if it improves if someone is with him to distract him from your absence.

My method may work for you. Schedule a caregiver to come into the home for a few hours every week to "clean" while you get your errands run. You "need" him there to guide him/her and answer any questions he/she may have. She/he prepares lunch which they eat together, thus they talk, thus a relationship begins to form. In time he/she may become the "friend that comes by to visit". If endorsed by the agency, they may go to the hardware store, out to eat (I gave caregiver gas money and mom paid for their lunches). Then come home and play dominos or whatever. Hubby has an interesting day that includes needed socialization. My mother was always happy when I returned. The socialization was good for her.

Having a set time each week allows you to plan for your doctor appointments, errands and time with friends. You need time on your own to nurture your own needs.
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Go to your husbands physician and tell him/her what is going on. Something like Zoloft would help to curb this behavior.

Your husband can't help the worrying about you possibly having an affair - my DH was worried about what I would do after he's gone. He is only on 50mg Zoloft and the change is remarkable and he is not all doped up. He can actually smile again! I'm only sorry I held off on him going onto the Zoloft for a full year; I was afraid he would be doped up and I didn't want that for him.

Now at 96, he sleeps most of the day.
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Doesn't matter what man I talk to he thinks that's my boyfriend. This to shall pass. I tell him you are safe. I'll never leave you alone. He needs to be able to see that someone. At day care a lady looks somewhat like me & he thinks it's me so they keep them seperate. Doesn't bother me as long as he's happy. Won't remember in one min.
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