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I have been reading your story's, and I want to introduce myself. Each day my husband says...That I cause his outburst. If I work on a craft project, & he feels I have worked too long on it, he gets mad. He accrues everyone of stealing from him, and lying including me. Says I hide some of his clothes, so I show him where a certain Jacket is at in his closet. Tells my 18 yrs. old grandson he can borrow his chain saw & my husband *also* told me..... Then we stopped by my daughters home for an hour, & as soon as we get back home my husband comes to me & tells me , Well now I know where my chain saw is at, Your grandson took it, I reminded him the he told me * himself * that he was letting him take it home to use. Husband said NO I don't remember telling you that, and I thought he was only going to use it here at our home. He finds fault with everything anyone happens to barrow & makes sure he tells them in an angry way. Most don't ask anymore, & my family usually only stop by for a few minutes, or ask us over rather than come here & take a chance of being accused of stealing something. Its not just family, its also neighbors also.

Is all of this part of Dementia? It seems like one minute he can be ok, then you never know. His adult 2 children a son and daughter, live 2000 miles away West Coast, we use to travel to see them every year, due to health issues & really can't afford it, Air Fair has went up, & my husband stayed all of the time in motels instead of with his children.
Son has visited us 2 times, rented a place, rarely came by. Daughter has never been here, yet tells all family each year she plans to go see her dad. When he dad was really sick in the hospital, & we thought he was going to loose his R.leg his daughter tells him & everyone she can't afford to take off work or buy an airline ticket... My husband has in the last 3-4 years has told them so many lies about me that his daughter call our county sheriff out to our house to try & have me arrested, my husband is very hard of hearing..... But no excuse for me yelling, & husband answered the phone & it was his daughter, & he told her, Oh , I can't talk right now, she is really mad. He couldn't find his phone/address book, & thought I had hid it, or stole it, and said I was having an affair, when I did grocery shopping at Wall-Mart , So I lost it & I was yelling...that I had not seen his address book, nor was I having an affair, & I was tired of being accused of all kinds of things, when all I have done is try to help him, & that I have health issues also, back fusion surgery 2008 that failed, a Pain Pump put in 2012. He can only hear or understand me or anyone if I am right in front of him about 5-6 feet from him & he looks at who ever is talking to him.
Yet refuses to try to get a hearing aid. I am not sure what his daughter told the sheriff here in our county, but 3 cars of them 2 to a car pulled in our drive way.

I just could not believe it required 3 cars, & asked what in the world had they been told. But they wouldn't say much in detail, but did have to tell me who called them. Husband thought that was ok.
I don't know my husband anymore, he doesn't seem to even be the same person I married & doesn't at times even act like the person I knew.
Sorry, I have written such a long letter, depression has set in for today.
Thank You , Twinkle, I Wish

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4Dear Twinkle, I feel how sad and stressed you are. This is such a sad situation. Have you talked with your husband's doctor about what level of care he needs? Atthe very least, he needs to be seen by a doctor who specializes in prescribing medication for elderly patients with dementia...there are antidepressants, antianxietyv and antipsychotic drugs that can help.
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Go stay with your daughter if you can, until he settles down. If I were you I would move to Assisted Living and get the heck out of Dodge. No, he is not the same person and you need to protect yourself from his wrath. Tell your MD you need a week of respite and relief.
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We must be married to the same man. I never know what is going to set my husband off. He has accused me of stealing from his bank account, seeing other men, hiding things, and lying. My favorite incident was when he had to have his teeth pulled a few months ago. We made several trips to the dentist during and after the procedure but in his mind we went once. He is convinced that I told the dentist to sedate him and pull his teeth without his knowledge. No amount of reasoning or showing him proof of his consent worked. He even called a lawyer to sue the dentist. He declined the case when I told him what actually happened. He also told a friend of mine that he was sorry to have to tell her the "truth" about me. Then he proceeded to tell her his version of the denture ordeal. Fortunately, she already knew what happened.

Thankfully I've never had the police show up at my house. That must have been awful. I would not only be hurt but also embarrassed. I really feel for you. My husband sometimes tells me that if I was married to anyone else they would have had me killed by now or beaten up. He also says that it's my fault when he gets mad.

I didn't know what was wrong with him until he was diagnosed with dementia almost four years ago. It has progressed slowly over the years. Lately, it's getting worse.

My mother has been living with us for over two years. She also has dementia but at least she is nice. Well, that is, unless I force her to take a shower or brush her teeth or wash her hands or change her clothes, etc.

I'm glad you told your story because now I know someone else is going through a very similar situation.


My mother
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Twinkle, please contact his doctor to discuss his behavior. Has your husband been diagnosed with any type of dementia, or are you just wondering at this point? Also, contact your doctor. You may need to find a support group or more info on how to deal with his upsetting behavior. An antidepressant helps me...ask about it for yourself. How long have you been married to him? It's only going to get worse.
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Your husband sounds out of control. Dementia can do that to a person. I am wondering if he is on any medication that help keep his anger and paranoia in check.

How are you able to care for 2 people with dementia? That's too much for one person, it's can't be done. Their dementia is only going to get worse. Have you considered a memory care unit for your husband?
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Eyerishlass: I appreciate your concern. My husband can still function so he's not ready for a memory care unit. I couldn't afford it anyway. He was prescribed Namenda and Aricept when he was first diagnosed and he started to take it but then stopped after a couple of weeks.

Twinkle: Are you feeling any better today?
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