My husband has Alzheimers and ED and continually wants sex, to no avail. How do I handle this without destroying him?

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I have explained that he has ED - for a moment he remembers. But the efforts on his part is never ending. I feel horrible. He is groping me all the time. We have been together for 38 years. I love him dearly. It is hard to feel loving in that way with his Alzheimer's and all the issues that surround it.

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OK I get the point that mine isn't as far gone as yours with the dementia. Please disregard my answer. I am sorry to have answered what I felt was a logical response. I apologize for not really understanding I guess. Please stop coming back with negative comments on my thoughts. I will no longer post anything.
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I agree with Gorlin. Dementia is not going to allow the man to remember.
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I appreciate your response. Explaining this to him is logical, if he was still here. He will forget the explanation... Dementia is unforgiving. I agree with your theory, but implementation in this fashion, with him, would be impossible. Thanks for the input.
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I disagree that you have to do sexual things that are unpleasant to you in order to appease your spouses last days. Just have a discussion with him explaining that while he has these desires they are not your desires and just love each other with hugs and loving words. There is no need for the caregiver to be dehumanized and do things they are not comfortable with. Please this is just not necessary
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Yes, but sex with someone who is mentally ill is a whole different ballgame (no pun intended). That is who I live with.
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Not there yet, but I think NotHisFault is the way I'd go too. My Dad kept wanting my Mother to sit by him and she didn't much because she was so bent on doing her housekeeping. I wish she'd been there more for him and I'm trying to remember that as I care for my 86-year-old husband with dementia.
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This subject has come up several times - and my point of view isn't the norm. As one poster said - the right answer is what's right for you. For me, my husband was the same way and wanted sex all the time - even though he could only go through the motions and couldn't perform. I was so caught up in taking care of him at home and working full-time (mostly from home) that I had very little desire or energy. Having said that, I made a conscious decision to make this sacrifice for him and do with him whatever he could do. I let him grope or whatever made him happy. That 'stage' didn't last very long because he soon forgot about sex - and most everything else. My beloved Bill died last June from Alzheimer's disease. He was physically healthy otherwise. As I look back, I'm grateful I made the decision I did - because, for me, it was a small thing I could do to make his last months on this earth just a little happier - when everything else had been taken from.
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he has moderate dementia. from what you guys are telling me this will pass. but by then I may be to old to know that has happened...lol I can imagine how hard it is for him. The frustration that we all share is the frustration for the caregiver is so often minimized. wish there was a pat solution. i am definitely going to try the back rubs. thanks everyone!
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If your husband has Parkinson's they may be giving him a medication called Robinirole which is a carbadopa levadopa booster. The side effects are sexual desires and gambliing. (look it up on the internet). Ropinirole is a dopamine agonist of the non-ergoline class of medications. It is manufactured by GlaxoSmithKline, Cipla, Dr. Reddy's Laboratories and Sun Pharmaceutical. It is used in the treatment of Parkinson's disease and restless legs syndrome. Showing side effects of ....Some people have experienced new, unusual, or increased urges (eg, eating, gambling, sexual urges, spending money) while using ropinirole. Tell your doctor right away if you notice such effects.

Currently he is on a antipsychotic medication that seems to have calmed his urges. Plus he is now catherized as the disease progresss.

They can increase the Synamet (carba dopa) and decrease the Ropinirole but that is not always the best solution as in his case he immediately had worse Parkinson's symptoms.
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Thank you for your frankness and sex is part of our standard of living. Memories of the good times can stimulate the appetite and I am 96 with desires still within but without a partner I satisfy whatever needs I have in work which is not the relief I need but is the distraction.
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