My husband got violent for the first time. What should I do?

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He was ready to leave for Adult day care and he refused. When I handed him his coat, he shoved me across the room to the wall. This is a first in the 38 years we have been together. I was scared but mostly hurt. I know it is not the man I married, but I don't know what to do. He is 9 years into alzheimer's and in Stage 6.

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The bus driver was there and saw the whole thing happen. I felt scared but I knew if anything happened the bus driver could call 911. I didn't want to ask him to intervene. That is not his job!' He is such a nice man.
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From now on, let the center pick him up. Take yourself out of the equation. He will be much nicer to the bus driver than to you.
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Several people have mentioned UTI and I will get that checked out on Monday. He does have a cold and has been coughing, Dreaming every night out loud, but I can't understand because he doesn't talk much at all. I knew he hated going to the Day Care. He has never wanted to go. But he always goes. Last Tuesday he said this SENTENCE: (Mind you he barely talks) He said, When I get home this afternoon, I'm going to kick you out of my house!" I just said OK, Have a good day! And off he went. This has been building in his mind even if he can't remember, he know he doesn't like to go to the Day Care. He has said, "They are all goofy!" Meaning he is not, I guess. He did hit something when he pushed me, maybe the wall. His hand was bleeding and he said, Look! and showed it to me. I said You probably did that when you tried to hit me. It didn't mean a thing to him. I am sure he forgot by then. It was around lunch time. I cleaned it for him and fixed it but I was feeling really ticked off. It's almost like I wanted to have a reason to hate him. Which I can't because he was the best husband ever. But he is so far gone, there is so little of him left. He is not the man that I married obviously. But after 38 years I have to still love him and feel responsibility for him. This all happened yesterday and I feel better today. I am over it. And he is back to his pleasant, gentle self!
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You mentioned that he was ready to go to day care and then refused. When he woke up, was he disoriented? Was he not his usual self? How was he during breakfast? When he woke up, did he tell you that he didn't want to go to day care? Or was this refusal at the door happened suddenly, out of the blue? I'm trying to figure out if he - from the time he woke - if he didn't want to go to day care. And in his mind, you were 'forcing him.'

It could be a number of things. A one time event, or a beginning of a new stage. Everyone's advice is spot on because it could be a number of things that triggered his physical violence towards you. I don't blame you for being afraid. But it's very important not to show this to him. He might use this new behavior to get his own way. Definitely try to get him to see the doctor to rule out UTI.

Something triggered this behavior (hopefully it's not a new phase). Is he in pain, or any new medication that may have caused the aggression? Hopefully, it's UTI.
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In the ten years he had dementia, my husband was on the verge of violence with me only one time. I report this just to assure you that one instance does not create a pattern. Obviously you'll be on your guard a bit more now, but this may never happen again.
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You poor honey! Call his doctor; this is a change in mental status and need s to be looked into. It could be a uti, other infection or an indication that he's in pain. Please get it checked out.
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My poor MIL had to call the police a couple of times. Her husband had torn up a neighbor's lawn ornament, with a hoe and another time when he tried to take the car. i know it was devistating for her, but it was better than, either of them getting hurt.

I am afraid that you are in the same situation. Every month here in AZ. a dementia patient gets away from home and lost. If he needs care that you can't give him, it is time for him to move to a nursing home. (My mother resides in one.) I am sorry.
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He sensed your tension and urgency and reacted instinctively. If you are going to take him anywhere you must be calm and your posture must indicate control. The voice must be calm and even toned. One shriek and it is all over.
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I called the Day Care Center and we discussed it. They say he is fine there and even has a pal that he hangs around. They volunteered to come and get him. But there was no changing his mind this morning. I am afraid now that I won't have and free time to myself. 24 hours a day gets old really fast and VA paid for this.
It cost nearly $1000 a month for two days a week and VA took care of it.
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Perhaps this was just a one time incident; maybe not though. How's he getting along at the Adult Day Care? Have they had any problems?
This disease is terrible as it can take some of the kindest people and turn them into dangerous people. This type of acting out behavior is one of the main reasons ALZ pts eventually get placed in a care facility. I would suggest you let your husbands doc know about this incident, perhaps a check up and a medication adjustment is needed. Please be careful. Don't underestimate the determination and physical strength your husband may have. Take care and I wish the best for you.
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