My elderly father lives with us, has for 4 yrs. He has some cognitive issues, and limited mobility and health issues...heart, vascular). He really is not a lot of trouble and love him dearly. We had to uproot him from his home of 30 yrs because of a stepsister that "owned it all". Anyway, in addition, my mom and step dad live down the street and are also in their 80's, and my mom is starting to need me more and more. I am it! Brother pretty much is in same boat with his mother in law now out of town so never comes up, rarely, to visit.

So now hubs has lost his job, we are in a smaller community, and we may have to move this time in order for him to find something in his field as this town offers nothing. I am overwhelmed with "what if's" at this point. What do I do IF we have to move? I am sick over the thought of leaving my mom and stepdad to fend for themselves with no other family here. And I am sick to move my dad and get him a whole new lineup of doctors. The ones he has were struggle enough! He doesn't do well with change of ANY kind.

Anyone else have to deal with this stuff? What did you do? How did you make your decision? We have savings, so need is not immediate, but it's just a blessing we have been able to stay here this long.

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I think the priority to support your husband. This must be terribly stressful for him. If you make it clear that he and you are the first consideration than things may fall into place. After all, unless you are wealthy, then a job and income really have to come first don't they? Not just for you and husband, but if mother dad and step-dad should need help. Remember the vow you made when you married - you may feel better and more powerful when you have clarified that in your mind. Parents come second.
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Thanks Barb
I do have an extensive list of resources, thank you for mentioning that though.
It's my heart that I'm most concerned with. This is what I am supposed to do, care for them when they are old. However, it is just getting too close to needing more care now, and like I said, I'm sick about it. Many deep breaths today that is for sure!
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when my parents had to move in with me,, as far as the Drs go.. I found a geriatric Dr to handle all their stuff at first, and he is great! So sometimes one Dr can help you out with the others. Look into this in the area you may move to. Call SS and see what you can set up for Mom and FIL.. Good luck!
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Deep breaths!

Something I always find useful is to think "Okay, what if I weren't here?" Not a pleasant thought, but worth exploring.

You can call Adult Protective Services and/or Area Agency on Aging. You need to contact them and find out what is available if you are not around. Knowing what resources exist will help you to plan better.
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