My husband is destroying our house!

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My husband has had urinary incontinence for at least 4 years. He is also on diuretics, which makes it worse. We can't find any diapers that are truly leakproof. He refuses to wear a diaper at night and consequently there is a crater in his mattress from urine. He sits on the edge of the bed in the morning and just "lets go". The area rug is soaked and I don't even want to know what our fairly new laminate floor looks like underneathe. We paid over $1,000 for a lift chair for him a year ago, and it also has a urine crater in it. The flooring planks under it are buckling and warped. The chair has stopped working. If I buy another one, he will ruin that one too. He refuses to be catheterized, and with his penchant for infections, life-threatening ones, that terrifies me. He needs the lift chair to get up or I wind up calling 911 for help. He is stubborn and resistant. I think he truly believes that his chair, at least, will be "self-healing" and he turns a blind eye on all the other damage (too extensive to list) that he's caused, leaving me to deal with it. Does anyone know of a truly waterproof lift chair like they have in hospitals? It obviously can't cost thousands. I am at a loss to know what to do or say to him.

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Exactly, Sunnygirl1, he can pee on the floor, in the chair at the NH, and they would clean it up.
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It sounds like your husband's dementia has caused such resistance to care that it makes it impossible for you to care for him in the home. All of the suggestions are not feasible if your husband is not inclined to try them. Since the nature of his resistance is so prevalent, I'm not sure how aids coming in for a few hours or part of the day would help. I might explore placement, so that he can be somewhere that they have shifts of people who have the training and equipment to handle these issues. I wouldn't think that continuing with his current behavior would be very sanitary and could eventually cause some health problems.
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I suggest you have your family meeting with an elder care attorney. It will save you untold stress and money in the long run.
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Thanks for writing back. I'm glad you have family to help you make decisions and that you found a chair. This is probably too late to bring up but here goes. Don't wait until that's all you can do. Put one foot in front of the other. By then you have nothing left to enable you to make the important decisions you will need to make and your family will have two of you to care for. It cheats you of being able to spend quality time during the last days you have with your husband and depletes your ability to plan for your own future. Move forward with that meeting sooner rather than later. You have so much hard work ahead of you. Take extreme care of yourself.
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Thank you, everyone for your concern and good advice. I have purchased a "Geri-chair", which is just like the ones I've seen in the nursing homes. It's vinyl and should be a little more resistant to the urine leakage. I don't know how it will hold up to being sat in for 18 hours a day though. Right now, I am taking it one day at a time. He is getting worse, and soon we will be having a family meeting. Then I will be facing everything from financial issues, selling the house and what to do with the dogs and cats. For right now, one foot in front of the other...
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Hello Hugemom. Your situation is so hard and expensive. You've had several suggestions. I'll try to mention a fee more. How about a urinal located close to his chair? Do you get him up for routine trips to the bathroom? I wonder if a male occupational therapist could help? Perhaps a therapist for the both of you?
Perhaps an upholstery shop could cover a chair ( or at least the cushion) in a waterproof material? OR an auto body shop might have someone who could upholster the chair or fashion some covers that would hold up?

Has he seen a urologist or had testing to make sure his bladder completely empties when he pees? There are meds to help with that. The idea here is that when he goes to the bathroom and empties his bladder he won't be dropping in just a few minutes. I've read therapist can help with bowel control so perhaps they have suggestions.
Whatever you do, take action. As you've already seen allowing the current situation to continue will only make matters worse. It must be so discouraging for the both of you.
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Hi Jessie! Yes, it does. and here is why from chemistry website
You can use a black light to detect body fluids. It's actually a good way to look for pet urine or make sure a bathroom or hotel room is really clean. Cat urine, in particular, glows very brightly under ultraviolet light. Urine glows under a black light primarily because it contains the element phosphorus. Phosphorus glows yellowish green in the presence of oxygen, with or without black light, but the light imparts additional energy that make the chemiluminescence easier to see. Urine also contains broken down blood proteins that glow under a black light.
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Does human urine glow under black light? I know cat urine does, but I'm not sure if the same is true for all species. Does anyone know?
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Pet stores sell black light indicators that show where urine has been spilled/sprayed. I've had friends use that to see what areas were affected. They also sell multiple products for breaking down urine and smell. I've used Nature's Miracle for cat spray, and flu accidents.
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This truly saddens me. All have good suggestions, but whew. How sad that life has come to this. A HUGE issue/problem for Hugemom--something that she shouldn't have to worry about--but it is. My husband's catheter bag leaked all over our living room before we noticed. Doesn't anyone have a remedy for the awful smell? In addition to constant clean up, how does Hugemom or anyone else get rid of the SMELL? This just happened yesterday and I'm trying vinegar, peroxide, Fabreez--still smells AWFUL. Of course, I don't know exactly where all of the leakage was, so I'm missing spots. Without pouring vinegar all over (which I might do anyway), what am I going to do? Looking at buying a commercial product, but (sigh) there are so many out there. Anyone have any ideas? I've read warnings NOT to shampoo before treating it properly. I have six grandchildren. DON'T WANT THEM ROLLING AROUND ON URINE. Help?
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