He can't understand basics and afraid I'll empty account. We've been married 29-1/2 years. We had separate checking accounts (joint) and a few years ago I noticed that his Social Security & foreign pension funds were no longer being deposited. I was alarmed. Later I found out he had opened checking, savings & credit card accounts with a separate bank in his name only. This has been a bone of contention ever since, however "my" (joint) account remains but now I'm unable to work very much outside the home (filing for disability) and have to spend time at home caring for him. He knows he has dementia. He relies on me to do all the household business. He doesn't know what day/date it is most of the time. He can't write a check nor does he understand the bank statements or credit card bills. Even after seeing them, he insists there's "no money" and says I'm "stealing" from "his" money. He can't understand why I don't go to work except rarely(says I'm lazy) and thinks I should pay half. I'll be 62 in 10 months. Right now I have no health insurance (can't afford & FL ineligible for Medicaid w/o dependent child regardless of very low income). How can I convince him to make that trip to the bank so that I can have my name added to the account? Otherwise I may have to see a social worker or lawyer to take more drastic steps before his memory gets worse. I can't even sign the rent check (we live in senior HUD housing)! I did, however, secure an "authorized buyer" credit card (told him the bank gave it to me because I'm his wife). I alone know the online banking password but he knows his debit card PIN and withdraws excess cashback at the grocery store. I'd hate to have to go online and request a new PIN. Problem is I'd have to watch the mail early like a hawk since the mail of course would come in his name and I'd need to get it before he sees it. I know that in FL all of our money belongs to both of us but I hate having to do these things. Has anyone else had to deal with hostility and paranoia when dealing with financial issues with a cognitively impaired spouse? Help!

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Find Care & Housing
Margaret, being ignorant of what HUD is (!) I just had a look at their website. If you look under Topic Areas, you'll see "Information for Senior Citizens", and if you then scroll down the menu you'll see "Stay in Your Home" leading to "Housing Counselling." This leads you to a state by state guide to approved counsellors who are able to advise on financial matters.

I'd start there, because these people are pretty much bound to have encountered your situation before. So even if they don't have answers for you, they will probably have useful suggestions about where you might find help; and they should certainly be able to advise you about how to handle the rent payment process.

Best of luck, please let us know how you get on.
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