My husband and I care for his grams, but her children are threatening to take her home, which we all live in. What do we do now?


My husband's gram has been with us for a little over a year. The dust has settled, she's happy and comfy. It's hard for me, but I'm ok so far. The problem now is the 2 kids of hers that were already given a chance to care for her (and it didn't work out or she wouldn't be here!) They are greedy hateful people and are pissed she took them out of her will and are threatening to take gram's home (we all live there now). This daughter had already tried to sell it when she lived with her on top of draining $50,000 out of her account that gram's husband left for "her care". So Gram figured she got hers early and the son managed to get Gram to co-sign a loan to buy a mobile home because he couldn't properly care for Gram. About 9 months out of the hospital with a traumatic brain injury, which onset the dementia and seizures, he then takes furniture from Gram's house for his/her TV 2 bedroom suites and God knows what else (they both robbed the poor woman in her darkest hour). Now they're both pissed because they get nothing and could care less that their mother is happy, healthy and relatively seizure free with us. Now the son wants the trailer transferred to his name (still paying on loan), the daughter wants the house and I can see this turning into a hot mess. Mind you, I do not get paid for her care. We pay the bills, except her car payment, health and life insurance, which is not enugh to even cover her burial, so we will foot tht bill too, I imagine. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm sick to think the people who used her and could care less about her wellbeing could take it all from her grandson after we made our life about her because she's like his mother.

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Countrymouse she has no urge to drink. I myself drunk afew and she has actually almost grabbed my beer and given a ohhhh noooo i don't drink tht sh!t! Lmao so no falling off her wagon plus she knos drinking could kill her as she is on more seizure meds than anything else I do kno what ur saying tho my own dad passed from cirrocis of the liver(sorry about the spelling sp ck don't kno obviously lol)
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We have a POA and they r pissed she took em out of her will now we r afraid they will contest(more gson than me lol) the will BUT from what I have read about dementia (TBI induced dementia) she could live another 10yrs(God help me) so can they still contest then? And I've already told these whackos they ought to b ashamed of themselves worrying about her after she's dead instead of while she's alive. I guess that's how vultures work tho isn't it?
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Unless gram has been declared legally incompetent in a court of law and someone else has POA, guardianship or the deed to the house had been transferred to their names - there is no way grams house can be sold from under her nor can she be forced to live anywhere other than her choosing.

Still it would be a very good idea - critical really - that you and hubby take gram to an attorney and set up a legal caregiver contract. If gram runs out of money and needs medical care and/or the round the clock care a Skilled Nursing Facility- a nursing home- can provide, having that contact in place to account for money spent will be necessary for qualifying for Medicaid. It would also be important that gram makes you and/or hubby medical and financial POA - assuming she is still cognizant enough to do so.

Going to an attorney can be a pain in the butt and costly - although if you dig a bit or ask a senior service agency for some referrals, often low cost attorney are available for the elderly - but back to my point, which is important- don't just sit around passively waiting for grams kids to determine your future. Take control yourself. Seeing an attorney in this messed up situation will be money very well spent.
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I don't pretend to know for myself, but I gather that it is always safest to assume that alcoholics stay alcoholics and will at some point fall off the wagon.

I think you and your husband had better take legal advice, possibly including applications for guardianship. I'm not saying do it, just find out about it. And make a plan about where you're going to live and what the options for grandma's care might be.

I hope you won't need another plan. It would be great if this could all be sorted and everyone reconciled and your G-MIL happy at last. I just wouldn't count on it. Get advice.
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I would see a lawyer to protect the house. Not sure how the kids can just come and take the house and sell it out from under you all. Also get a caregiving agreement drawn up. Sounds like a hot mess from start to finish. Glad you are able to take care of her.
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The son was actually moved in before her hubby passed to help her(she was healthy as h*ll but a drunk) and from what I understand(details were never made public hmmm) grams hubby passed and she tried to drink herself to death so being a well known violent drunk what the family assumes is she took a swing at her son he pushed her and she smashed her head off something ( it could a just been she fell honestly) well he left her lay for 2 days yes yes he did this he left the house with his mother lying there with this severe head injury they wanted her unplugged at the hospital before we knew if she would survive then, fast fwd she's released from the hospital(months later) she no longer drinks but has seizures now dementia and a brain injury (this is all within 1 1/2 yrs of hubby passing) and she falls n breaks her arm so daughter decides she should take her guts the house puts it up for sale(told hubby and I herself she planned on buying new one for her and "ma" ) gram had to shower herself find her own food first 2 meals and was being verbally and physically abused(she shoved gram into a bush outside of the back door cuz taking her dogs out at all hrs pissed her off) so we got the call from them she wants to come live with us ok we show up and this poor woman's room is destroyed( she ripped every dam drawer out of her dresser and threw her sh!t on the floor and bed Ali g with the closet,like I said gram was a drunk she had done this to this very same woman as a kid....) She claimed to be happy to see her go and tried to keep as many of this woman's home furnishings and whatever else she could hide from us she had her own husband watching gram (out of work) while she worked left her home alone at time and generally was well a b*tch to her she wanted payback for a sh!tty childhood and she got it. Sue doesn't need pottys or pt,ot,or st she goes to normal Dr appts and her meds were mailed she charged alot for subpar care she didn't do it from a kind heart only greed I kno it's expensive for care but taking 3000. A month to care for your own mother???? And she still got to work????
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I'm glad to hear that your husband's grandmother is settling in well. Or rather that you're settling in well - you've all moved into grandmother's home, is that right?

Um. I'm just wondering. How long did the previous attempts last? - grandma living with her daughter, the Great Mobile Home Fiasco?

The thing is. What you have there is two people who have tried and failed to take care of grandma; and I'm just saying, if it were me, that would give me pause.

I mean, it could be that they're grasping and greedy and just out for what they could get. Or it could be that once the honeymoon period was over and the workload started getting out of hand...

Also, the length of time spent with the daughter is important; because as I'm sure you're finding out $50K doesn't actually go that far.

All I mean is, rather than jump to any conclusions, and especially as you're not getting paid for this and you're footing most of the bills... Maybe just have a good look at the budget and make sure this all makes sense. There could be reasons why the others feel "owed."
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