My husband had called 911. I can't shut off the phones. Suggestions?

Bast good thing your loved one is in a nursing home.

Mimi, it sounds as if it is time for your hubby have oversight at all times. There comes a time for all of them. This happened with my mom about 3.5 years ago. She had gone to her bedroom to pout because she did not want to go for a walk with me and her hubby. So we went anyway, only walked half way up the block then returned home. My mom was in a panic, didn't know where anybody was, and trying to call 911 because she thought something bad had happened to her children. Another time when we first started using agency caregivers Mom was sure this woman was in the house to burglarize it. She had the phone in her hand threatening to call 911 and physically thying to throw the caregiver out.

That day I called the authorities, police and fire, to let them know there was a person with dementia in the household. They would, of course still respond, but at least had an idea as to what may actually be happening in the house. All should do this, let the authorities know if there is a person with dementia in the house. This also protects responders as some with dementia will get violent.

Am I the only one who thinks that someone who thinks they need to call 911 because of something they saw on TV is not really safe to leave home alone anymore?

My heart goes out to you, Mimijazz. It is SO hard to be responsible for a spouse with dementia.

At the very beginning I could leave my husband watching golf on tv while I did errands. Eventually I just couldn't count on that anymore. Some days he would do just fine, and others he did unsafe things. I had to be sure someone was with him at all times. It is very sad, and very inconvenient.

My husband stayed home with me the entire 10 years of his dementia. I am the minority in my support group. Most people do eventually have to place their loved ones in a care center. But it really doesn't sound like that is your situation yet.

Preserve your husband's dignity. Let him be (or seem to be) as independent as is safe. But do not let the person with dementia make the important decisions in running the household. There simply Will Be an aide for certain days and times. Or he Will Go to a day-health program x days a week. You must be the decision-maker.

You need to take care of yourself because you are worth it. Your life matters as much as his does. And if you get seriously burned out not only will you not be able to keep him home with you, you might not be up to the next important role of being his advocate in a care center.

Sorry. But I think the time has come for not leaving the dear man alone.

(And how sweet of him to be concerned for the person who was hit by a ball. And how clever of him to remember 911 in an emergency. I do admire this guy. He doesn't need someone staring at him 24 hours a day. He just shouldn't be left alone any more.)

Mimi I'm wondering if the phone company could put a block on any calls except specific numbers, although 911 would have to be an allowed number and that wouldn't prevent him from calling them.

This is a tough situation. There might be a time when he does need 911.

If you've ever watched any of those 911 programs though, you'll know that people call for a lot of silly reasons that have nothing to do with cognitive function. A woman once called because she didn't get the kind of hamburger or something she wanted from McDonalds. Another called when she needed a plumber.

Although I wouldn't disagree that it's a commitment of time and resources to respond to frivolous calls, your husband apparently really thought it was an emergency.

Bast, are you truly serious about dumping her husband off at some nursing home? I couldn't believe what you wrote.

Mimi, I understand that it can be very frustrating to find a cregiver that is a good fit. When your husband put his foot down it was time for you to do the same. This is the caregivers job, the agency needs to keep her working, this is her income. So hang in there you can try a different agency as well. Others may have a good fit as well.

I am currently using a nationwide caregiver agency, and since this was a last minute request for 24 hour basic care, the agency sent those who do fill ins until a regular can be found. I found the employees to be super, watchful, attentive, asking please let me do something to help. Even the fellow they sent wanted to do laundry, vacuum, dust... he wanted to be kept busy.

But my Mom [97 and clear mind] had other ideas, she didn't want the employees in her house.... oops, we have a problem in the room, and her name is Mom. Dad on the other hand was so happy to have so many new sets of ears to listen to his stories. Both my parents are fall risks, but Mom said she didn't want help. So today I cut back the 24 hour watch to just day time watch... and will get one of those alert thingees for Dad to wear... just hope he doesn't lose it :P

What I liked about an agency is that the Caregivers are licensed, bonded, insured, and the company pays them Workmans Comp if injured... and if a caregiver can't make it, they send out a replacement for that shift.

cwillie nailed my thoughts on this. There comes a time when a person with dementia isn't safe alone at home anymore. This could be a wake-up call that more will be needed now that he is becoming more forgetful and disoriented. We have three men whose wives bring them to the local senior center when the wives need to do things. The husbands are in moderately advanced stages of dementia, but do fine there on the computers and exercise machines. The center is a good thing for these wives. They can do their shopping and other things without worrying about their husbands. Mimi, do you have a local senior center that can help like this? It can be easier than relying on friends and family too often.

From what I've read of bast's other posts she(?) reached serious burnout a long time ago and still hasn't recovered. I'm not suggesting he's ready for a nursing home, but I think when the line between reality and fantasy starts to blur you never know what he may get up to without someone there to re-ground him.

Mimi, what a shocking scenario for you to come home to. My mom was watching the news on tv Sunday and thought fires were closing in on her. She was panicky and ran out of the house into the middle of the street looking for firemen.

Agencies can reassign, caregivers are also free to ask for reassignment, those are their rights.
Your right is to have a capable caregiver that is a good fit and nit to have turnover. Stay strong having help is better than not even if you hit a tough patch.