My husband is buying things on impulse. This is not good. What can I do?

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Last night he jumped up and said "where are the keys? I'm going to buy a ferret." I told him he wasn't, we couldn't afford it. But he immediately got agitated which I have learned is dangerous so I drove him around to pet stores who very thankfully had no ferrets.

Tonight I went to get him Chinese food, because when he wants some type of food he gets agitated and angry until he at least knows it's on its way. So, while I was gone he called someone on Craigslist. When I walked in he handed me the phone and told me to give the person our address. I asked why and said so the person knows where to deliver the TWO ferrets I just bought.

We honestly could not afford it. We already have 4 cats and 3 dogs. He wants food from different places every night rather than home cooked. (He used to only eat my home cooked food, suddenly after years he doesn't like my cooking.) We are going to go broke very soon if he doesn't stop.

He was just diagnosed by a neurologist although I have known for some time. He just started medication but will it help with these urges? Will I be able to reason with him a little bit more?

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If he lived in the barracks that would work but we live off post. He also wants me with him at all of his appointments to remember things and he has less anxiety when I'm around. He tells me that. I've tried staying home a few times. It was a disaster.
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RobinH, is there any way he can be transported by fellow soldiers? That would give you a little time to rest in between. Ask his CO.
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He has had the impulse issues for quite a while. I am concerned about the one medicine because it says it can cause "excessive gambling." I am not worried about him gambling but I'm worried about his other impulses getting worse.

We are going this week to do POA, update will and advance directive. I have never been a good liar, but I am beginning to see the importance.

The VA....crazy as it is they won't help until he is no longer active duty...the Army doesn't seem to have much along the way for dementia care support. I am so thankful he is in the medical transition unit, now if I can just get them to reduce his hours. 9-4 is just TOO much for him and me.
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Robin, I'm unsure as to what your husband's diagnosis is or the meds he might be taking, but, you might want to either check with his doctor or check on the internet as to whether or not some of the medications might be causing his sudden impulse to purchase items. I was told by my husband's Neurologist that the new medication he is being given for his Parkinson's and Dementia might very likely cause his to have unusual impulses such as gambling and purchasing things that might seem odd. If it is his medication, and if this behavior has just suddenly started, you might want to ask his doctor if there is something else that he can be given? It is a good idea, if possible, and if your husband is at the point of being irrational or irresponsible to consider getting a POA (Power of Attorney) that will allow you to control what is being spent and for what.... I do understand your concern and anxiety and I agree with others who have suggested you tell a few "little white lies." This might suffice in the interim until other more suitable arrangements are made. We are here for you so keep posting so that we can try to share our experiences and thoughts....
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Robin. You are on the right track. Yes continue to use the VA it will save you a lot of money in the long haul. He will also be able to be placed in a VA facility if needed and wont end up with people much older than he is.
An eldercare attorney is one who deals with the problems of the elderly exclusively and know how to set up necessary legal documents. The VA may also be able to help with this. There is nothing to be ashamed of with your husband's condition neither of you caused it so be open about it. When he does something inappropriate just tell people he has a mental illness and can't control his behavior sometimes, or just say he was in the Military and can't get over some of the things he saw. There is so much in the news these days that people have an understanding of PTSD and hopefully make allowances.
try and take a nap today if you can. Worrying never solved anything. You have reached out and everyone is here to help you and others have had husbands who have been in the military. If you are still awake make yourself a warm drink and curl up in your favorite chair with one of those cats, they have to be good for something. God Bless. keep writing - someone else is always awake!
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Thank you all. I waited until he was asleep and contacted the owner. I haven't heard back yet, probably because I sent a message at 3am. It's been a rough night I haven't been able to go to sleep yet.
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As advised do not allow him access to credit and debit cards. Get your name off
any joint cards. If he dies and has run up big balances on joint cards you will be responsible for paying. Cut off your land line and just use a cell yourself.
This is a very hard time but if you can't afford take out tell him just that. Are you afraid he will become physically violent if you refuse his wants? Has he ever hit you? If there is a history it will only get worse. If he does assult you call the police even if you don't want to because he needs more help than you can give him and he may need to be stabilized in a psychiatric facility. Explain to the police what you need done and follow their advice.
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We go to JAG this week. I didn't think about him not having access to money. That seems like such a simple solution. I'm not sure what an elder law attorney is. He will medically retired from Army very soon but would I still use them even though he is very young?
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Lie my friend!! Go to another room if you can and tell the ferret seller the truth, you cannot afford them! Tell your spouse you are allergic or something Try stalling about when you can get them? Change the passwords on the computer and tell him its an internet problem. Tell him the carry out is busy.. Whatever it takes! Sometimes you have to go to tough love to get through. When dad got obsessed about the car, I told him had the keys last, where did he put them? Then I told him I had to order new keys from the dealer and they would "take awhile" to get here. If you are worried about your safety let his Dr know, there are more drugs out there that can help. Nameda helped my Dad so much!!
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Some medications take a few weeks to really kick in. At some point you will need to protect your finances. He should not have access to any credit cards and NO debit cards either. I think now is the time to sit down with an Elder Law attorney and talk about ways to protect both of you.
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