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When I do see them I have tried to tell them about diagnosis of moderate to severe dementia but they blow me off because he can hold it together for an hour or two and they don't realize how vunerable and paranoid and negative he is. We have been married for 25 years and they resent me just because I have a heart beat. How do I handle them believing his false accusations? He thinks I am hiding documents, stealing, claims I scream at him all the time, says I won't get him new clothes that he asked for----ALL NOT TRUE, NONE OF IT. I have always been a problem solver but this situation is getting way over my head.

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I did read ur other post. Do u think maybe family has resented the age difference?

I agree, maybe your DH needs something for anxiety. And you are not the only person thats DH has thrown accusations at. His reality is screwed up. Paranoia is a big problem.

Do you work? Is there Adult care near you. I had Mom in 3x a week. They came and got her and brought her back. Even showered her for me. Gave me a much needed break. He is only going to worsen. You may want to start looking at options.
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I know what you are talking about. My husbands family has endured me for 45 years. Some of them are openly hostile because I was not “the right style of girl” his mother was hoping for. I always got on great with my FIL.

My husband has younger onset Dementia. He is 63. His mother and brother blame me for it. They have not once enquired after me and how I am coping. His mother will not even look at my husband by Skype because SHE doesn’t want to be upset even though she knows how it adversity effects him

they are suspicious of any info I have given to them so only communicate through my eldest son

i am extremely upset and angry at their treatment towards both of us but I have learnt to just focus my attention on myself and looking after my husband. However, the day will come when they will know how I feel

my husband is very good natured which I count as a blessing. If I was you I would get legal advice and proper medical opinion before going any further and get power of attorney and power of medical care.

Let us know how this part goes
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belindaparis May 3, 2019
I do have POA and Power of Medical care. Thanks for advice, why do people have to be so thoughtless and classless? When we married 25 years ago I tried everything to get close to his daughter but she just has her thoughts about me from the beginning. My 2 sons have given my headband sentimental cards at B/d etc telling him how much they appreciate him for making their mom happy. Something like that from his daughter would have made my world. I stopped trying about 15 years ago. She lives about 30 min away and we see her about 3-4 times a year and she calls him about 2-3 times a year. His son very disconnected from his family and lives 5 hr away snd has MS so he has his own problems He calls once or twice a year and meets us for lunch once a year around the holidays. It could be so so different for both of us if they weren’t so petty and thoughtless.
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If they are not doing anything in response to the false accusations he voices to them, I should ignore them.

If it's still bothering you, you could copy the medical reports and send them to them, preferably with supporting literature to introduce them to the wonderful world of dementia. Check out alz.org which has lots of resources for families and caregivers.

Are you hoping or expecting they'll become more involved as your husband's condition deteriorates? Do you actually want them around more?
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belindaparis May 3, 2019
Only if they took a sincere interest in their father and trusted my information to them... they are so childish so I don’t know if that will happen, I would welcome them into heart and home if they were to act differently . I’m afraid to be poo pooed by them if I contact and tell all yo them. Or, they may use the IMO to drive a wedge between their dad and I. They would love to see him leave me but neither one would ever step up to take care of him. I’ll take care of him at home as long as I can handle him. Right now he is a walk-in talkie- no driving, I have to fill his pill box, fix him meals, clean house, pay bills, yard work, make his md appointment drive him where he needs to go in other words he can walk and talk, shower and dress himself and toilet himself but that is it. He could never live alone.
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Belinda what treatment is your husband receiving for his paranoia and delusions? Is he on medication?

If they have resented you for 25 years, it hardly seems they will change now, does it?

What is your plan for his care going forward?
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belindaparis May 3, 2019
He is on namenda with increasing dosages since dec 2018. Now taking 10 mg in am and pm, did not do a thing til about 2 or 3 weeks ago he asked how to get on computer, I showed and how to get on bank website, etc- that was a week ago and he hasn’t asked again, then he asked me if I still had an old book that he said he would like to read it again. He had stopped reading about 18 months ago saying they couldn’t focus on the words in from chapter to chapter. He used to be in Evergreen. But he stopped completely down for the last 18 months and I gave him a book he asked for and he appeared to have read the whole thing over. Or five days. That really excited me but when I tried to get him another bath and he says that the chapters are too long and he can’t stay with the storyline. So I’m going to try to Find my book with very short chapters. I am retired some with him most of the time to do everything to be done including overseeing his medications and doctor appointments. But I do volunteer one day a week and I work two days a week so there are a couple of days week when I’m at home all day and this seems to be doing cruise up negativity and I never know when I’m gonna come home to.
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Could you ask if one of them could move in to care for him for a week? It would be good for you to have a break, it might calm your husband down a bit, and it might show the stepchildren a bit more about what it going on.
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NeedHelpWithMom May 3, 2019
I agree. Then if he accuses them they could see firsthand what his wife is going through!
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