His wife has demntia but still very mobile. They want us to care for them. $??? I am a RN married. How do we charge? Supposedly their children told him to ask us if we would provide care so they could remain in their home.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
First, have a meeting with the adult children and man to discuss all options. If you all agree, then a contract needs to be drawn up (maybe involve an attorney), and put all care needs in writing. When wife continues to decline, what will happen? Make contingencies for if husband dies first, etc. You better get all your ducks in a row before making this contract. You will need to be bonded as well. Do you have insurance to cover any untoward events? Make sure your husband is on board with this life-changing lifestyle. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (9)

Yikes! The adult children asked you and your husband to care for their parents? Oh no, wait. They asked their parents to ask you. Where are these adult children going to be? That they are trying to find someone to care for their parents greatly concerns me. Do these adult children live out of town? If not, I would seriously question why they don't want to take this on themselves. I am also suspicious that these family members didn't talk to you directly, going through the parents to ask you to care for them.

If you decide to get involved in this please, PLEASE read posts from this forum so you can get a good idea of what you'll be getting into. The issues you will face are endless and too many to list here. Taking care of this couple will become your life and will remain the #1 focus of your life until the day these folks die. There are hundreds of posts here that talk about stepping in to take care for an elderly person not realizing what it entailed. Spend some time on this forum and read about other people's experiences.

That you are considering this huge commitment tells me that you are a caring and concerned couple who want to do the right thing and help in any way you can. Don't enter into this lightly and don't make a decision until you've done extensive research on what's involved in being a caregiver. Many, many people who have to care for an aging parent feel trapped and stressed out all of the time. Why do you think this forum was created? And once you take on the role of caregiver it's very difficult to get out of it. Be prepared to become enmeshed in this family and any issues and problems they have. You will bear the brunt of everything. Also, since they are your landlords you will probably find yourself on call 24/7. As they come to depend upon you expect calls late at night and when you're not actively "on duty". You will become their world.

I was going to end on a positive note and say that caregiving is not without it's rewards but I'm trying to think of some rewards.....I guess caring for my dad brought us closer but it was also the most stress and anxiety I have ever experienced in my life. By the time it was all over I had lost 30 lbs. True, I had an emotional investment but being a caregiver to a friend or family member requires an emotional investment. I would never do it again, that's for sure.

After you've considered everything and if you decide to take this on this website will always be here to support you.
Helpful Answer (8)

I would not suppose anything. If you are so inclined to get involved in this commitment, and believe me it is one and you need to be fully aware of what you are getting into, meet the children, then get a lawyer and get yourself fully covered. Have you really thought this through?
Helpful Answer (6)

If you do indeed take on this endeavor, you must have a caregiver contract in place that states exactly what your duties are for the couple and how much you would be paid for such services. Do not take on this responsibility without finding out what your financial obligation and responsibilities will be. You can look online through your states Medicaid office to find out what the hourly rates are for caregivers in your area and that would be a good starting point. You can also call a few of the inhome caregiving companies and find out what they charge per hour for these services. Are you going to be required to shower, cloth, prepare meals, take them to doctors appointments, give medications, etc. There is much more involved in caregiving than simply "watching over them".
I too have questions as to why their adult children did not come directly to you and discuss this with you. It sounds like you have a good heart.
Helpful Answer (5)

Madeaa, many people go into these situations without knowing exactly what is involved. Having a contract in place, that also states that you can give two weeks notice (which most people won't do once they get involved) is at least a good starting point. It will give brittany123 an idea as to what exactly is involved in caring for an elderly couple. Contracts can be changed as needed if the responsibilities become more involved. These contracts do not necessarily need to be put together by an attorney but they do need to be notarized by the caregiver and the recipient if any changes are made. They will have specifics and generalities.
If I were brittany123, my biggest concern would be if/when you decide that you can no longer take care of this couple, will that jeopardize your living arrangement?
Helpful Answer (4)

Whatever you do you need to have a specific caregiver contract between the parents in which each of the children either sign-off on on are sent a certified copy of the contract with a cover letter stating that unless they respond in writing within 30 days the terms of the contract are accepted by them. The contract will also be critical to have if they in the future need to apply for Medicaid for NH placement. Without it, the funds they have been paying you will likely be viewed as gifting and be a total sticky cluster to deal with in the application till it is worked out. You just want to avoid that from the get-go. The contract needs to clearly state what your responsibilities are and more importantly are NOT too.

They need to be paying you in an upfront manner - the amount should be whatever a private pay RN is getting in your area. I would think your state board should have this sort of data for you easily. Parents issue you a W-2 and you fill out a W-9 & I-9 which goes to whomever is the DPOA in the family for them. If they don't have a set child as their DPOA, then they need to sort that out and get that done BEFORE you start work too. The MPOA well I would have that as a co-MPOA with you as an RN and then whomever is the DPOA sharing the MPOA.

Now I would also look into seeing if the man can get OK'd for hospice. Between you and what hospice could provide, this might be very manageable and not quite so overwhelmingly on you & your DH to do all this. Also there can be respite care time done down the road for you to have.

About the home they live in, what kind of shape is it in? You want to make sure that there are service providers that can deal with the house and they can bill the DPOA for whatever. You don't want to get stuck with the whole "you called the plumber and he is not who I would have called and it cost us more" bs from their kids. If the kids are not in town or not really involved in their parents life, they likely are totally unrealistic with what their parents home is like or needs. So often there is decades of delayed maintenance on the home of the elderly. You know what all is involved for nursing but you don't want to get all caught up in having to deal with replacing a roof, so make sure your agreement cover those items. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (4)

The answer is no. Do not mix up your personal life as tenants with your occupational life. Maybe help them by referring them to appropriate agencies etc, but don't take on this role.
Helpful Answer (4)

Are you an RN, married and already with a nice job of your own? I get a sneaking impression that the family has thought: "hey, there's a nurse on the premises - let's ask her!" without actually thinking of the realities. Possibly, also, that "keeping an eye" on the father and mother is almost something you can do in your spare time, like a paid hobby… as I say, it sounds as if nobody has sat down and squarely enumerated what the couple's needs are now and are likely to be in the future. In your shoes, I don't think I'd want to touch it with a stick - too complicated, too messy, too close.

But maybe not impossible… I can see the fundamental virtue of the landlord and wife continuing to live at home, with live-in help. Get all the devil out of the detail before you agree to anything, though; and especially remember that you can't be the only caregiver, so if this is a money-saving exercise it's not going to work.
Helpful Answer (3)

A contract, well just how does that one work. If they need you to help them with something that is not in your "contract" what do you do, nothing? If they are covered in urine and need help but it isn't in your contract do you leave them. I'd stay clear of this, if reluctance to move is an issue for you, rethink it.
Helpful Answer (2)

My caring and generous neighbor got herself caught up in a similar situation several years ago. Her life was not her own thereafter. You'd be better off moving, if you have to. Vegas Lady said it well: Do not mix up your personal life as tenants with your occupational life
Helpful Answer (1)

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter