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We go from one obsession to another. His bedroom is on a Lower level from mine, there also is a Utility room where I keep the Kitty Litter box. For the past month or so hes been doing things like washing his Leather Jacket and putting it in the Litter box to dry..
The first thing I have to do at 6 a.m is run downstairs and open the room so the cats can use the Litter Box because hes shutting the door during the night. The litter box and floor is always full of what I thought was chunks of litter soaked with water. I discovered today he is urinating and DEFECATING in the litter box.I have shown him the bathroom and explained this is where he goes.............he just smirks and says "don't tell me what to do".
I had to move the Litter out of the tiled room to a carpeted area where I don't want it in hopes he'll forget about it.
Can I put a lock on his bedroom door to keep him in there at night or is this abuse? I am about at the end of my rope. I've been dealing with this stuff totally by myself for 4 yrs...........I am tired beyond tired.I had to buy a Micro wave with a child lock on it because he burnt up two. I have to remove the knobs from the stove and hide everything I don't want him to eat. He will eat a 9x13 pan of brownies and well as everything else in the Refrigerator. One night he ate 12 raw eggs..........get the picture?? He gets 3 meals a day he can't be hungry. All these things have to be done before I can go to bed. I sleep in a locked bedroom with my 3 little dogs in there so he won't hurt them or let them out of the house at night
I can't afford a nursing home and his doctor refuses to treat him unless he is in a nursing home so I can't even get sleep Meds for him.
Help!!.

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For starters, find another doctor.

Next, contact a lawyer who specializes in Elder Law, to discuss ways to pay for a nursing home.

Please do not lock him in his room. I can understand how tempting that is but it is not safe, and it might enrage him to the point of violence in his room.

You absolutely positively need help. Meds for your husband can help. Also you need either in-home help or (perhaps better) a care center for your husband.
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Get him to a memory care facility ASAP. The MD is trying to tell you something. You are not safe at all. Don't let this go, call your kids and get help on your own before APS has to step in.
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Why are there still guns (or ammo) in the house? I can understand if you can;t "take" the guns.. but the ammo would be GONE! When we heard my Dad pointed his pistol at Mom one night.. we did a complete sweep of the house and all ammo was gone. He still thought he had protection.. but we felt safer. He could not go out to get more ammo. Once we moved them here all the guns were in our gun safe.. no more problem. If you can;t afford a nursing home.. call the cops next time he threatens you and let them take him to the hospital for an eval.. then don;t take him home. They will figure something out if he has insurance And if APS has to step in.. maybe you will be better off? Maybe that will be what it takes to have his sons step up.. time for that to happen.
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My neighbor had a similar problem with her husband. He was not even as advanced as your husband. When he became difficult, she called the sheriff. They came out and restrained him, then called ambulance to take him to hospital. When it came time for him to be released, she met with the social worker . She outlined all his behavior and told the SW she was not taking him home. She was in fear for her safety and could not take care of him. They kept him at the hospital, until they could place him in a local nursing home. She had also mistakenly thought he didn't qualify for Medicaid. It has taken months of working and filing paperwork, but it has turned out well. Her husband is much calmer in the NH and my friend is slowly recovering from being a 24hr. caregiver for 5 yrs. I know it is sometimes overwhelming, but please take that step. You deserve to live without fear and you can have a good life again. BUT you have to take that 1st step . Blessings to you, Carol
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If the nearest facility that is appropriate for him is 100 miles away than considering what you are living with then have him admitted there. You need a break and this situation has grown beyond your ability to handle.
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Maddie, back in early August you wrote "We went through violence to the extent he threatened me with a gun. The Police were at my house 2-3 times a week."

Lot of good advice was given to you back in August. You really need to make plans on doing something or this will continue to go around, and around, and around in circles. And nothing changes.
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Maddie, you've gotten good advice, but if it doesn't get taken by the person who needs the help, then those offering help start to wonder. I wonder about posters who only expect to be supported in what they are doing instead of paying attention to comments from others who have distance and a different perspective.
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I can't speak for other people here but when I reply to a question I give my answer some thought. While I am typing I often refer to the original post a couple of times to make sure I am addressing the issue. Each answer can take 15 minutes or so if I have that kind of time and for me, when I've discovered that the person who asked the original question has been here before with the same issue and hasn't taken any suggestions I get miffed because I've spent time on my answer trying to help someone. I feel foolish that I didn't recognize the person from before and I resent wasting my time on someone who doesn't seem to want solutions.

Coming here to vent is fine. There's a lot of value in venting and we've all done it but if someone doesn't really want advice they shouldn't ask for it----twice. That's just how I look at it.
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If your husband doesn't qualify for Medicaid, his resources and income should be used to place him in a care center. When they run out, he will be qualified. PLEASE don't continue living in fear and at risk.
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I have been through the transition to incontenince just recently. My house is a thing to behold. plastic drop cloths with canvas drop cloths over the plastic is everywhere. (They are cheap and the canvas is very washable) Getting to the bathroom just didn't happen. Horrible! Horrible! The doorknob covers used to keep kids out of rooms helped as did some slide locks at the top (closet and pantry doors). I leave food out on the counter for him to eat, bananas, nuts etc.. Disposable underwear is finally able to do its job and I am so happy to be thru the urinating wherever stage. Finally and maybe most important FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR!!! Don't ever take "no help" as a solution. My doctor is my best advocate and we work together. Get counsel on paying for help.
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