I hug my Mom and tell her I love her and then she asks why I'm not ever on her side?

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I can't understand why she can't let go of arguments? We had an argument when visiting my sister 2 weeks ago and Mom didn't like it that my sisters and I were talking in the bedroom. She came in and started an argument about we were always against her. When we tried to tell her we weren't talking about her, she said we were lying to her. She doesn't understand that it isn't always about her. My sisters and I had not been together for a few years but all mt Mother saw was that we were closing her out.
Since we have returned from our trip, she keeps bringing it up and wants to know why I am not on her side. I keep telling her it is not about sides and then I go in another room. This morning I hugged her and within a minute she brought up the whole thing again. Why can't she let it go?

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Sorry to say this sounds a bit like my own mother's paranoia that has been steadily increasing over the last 6-8 years. No amount of reasoning, hugging, pointing out the truth, keeps her from turning on me with her anger and false accusations after I've spent time with her. I choose to believe it stems from her lifelong fear of "being put somewhere" and feeling she is losing control of her life but that does not ease the emotional pain to me; I've had to learn to handle that on my own with the help of a good therapist and a very supportive and helpful brother. Namenda XR over the last 5 months seems to have made her better able to curb that paranoia or at least not express it as often and as vehemently. But I'm still the bad guy when she gets mad. Oh well. Best to know if your mom truly is angry or is responding irrationally due to some other cause. Good luck! Keep loving her even when it's tough.
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She feels useless and unlovable and is too quick to jump on anything that seems to even vaguely confirm that. I don't know that a pill - other than an antidepressant - could help her take of the dark glasses and put on the rose colored ones. And she has no clue that the repeated accusation is actually cruel and hurtful and makes her a little less likeable too; though you still love her, you don't wanna be around her, which then snowballs into more confirmation of her personal sense of unworthiness.

I'm not sure there is any magic thing you could do other than to either a) be honest and explain that sometimes sisters just want to talk about sister stuff and it wasn't a slight to her, but a compliment to her that she raised you to want to be with each other or b) to claim you and the sisters were actually planning a surprise party fo her...or maybe c) sit down next to her beSIDE her, lean on her just a little and say but MOM...here I am, then sing Nationwide theme song- "I'm on your side!" as loudly and out of tune as possible.

Then have a chocolate-eating party with her, and make sure she eats A LOT. It's almost as good as Prozac at raising serotonin levels if the dose is right.
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So sorry, we also had problems getting mom to take Ativan for her outbursts. I told her it's not about doping her up. I told her when the anxiety is out of control, that's when the blood pressure goes up and her heart rate takes off, and then she has chest pain. So she could either take the Ativan or have a heart attack, the choice was hers. She took the pill.
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Thanks for the good answer but she won't take an anti-depressant
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A little Zoloft might help her OCD and anger issues. Talk to her MD.
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