How do I tell her she is dying?

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I'm sure my 96 year old grandmother knows she is...but she doesn't know that the rectal scancer that was diagnosed 3 years ago has metastasized to her liver (tumors are present, but no evidence of them "attacking" yet). We haven't told her as we didn't want it to interfer with her stint in rehab. But she is home now and I feel she deserves to know. But how do we tell her?

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Yes, Veronica, that sounds very doable. As long as she is not providing hands on care while pregnant.
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hev1128 - a baby! Congratulations! I have a lump in my throat as I consider your situation. Forgive me if I'm being corny here - but I think you are in an exceptionally profound moment in life. At your fingertips are two lives - one beggining and one ending - the circle of life at its very essence. As things become more difficult for you and your husband - as his grandmother declines and eventually passes on I'm sure you both will find comfort in caring for this new life.
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Hey I absolutely agree with everyone else comments. If Gma asks questions answer truthfully Cancer in the very elderly grows very slowly and the patient frequently dies from another cause like an infection.
Definitely stop the nurses talking about hospice in Gma's hearing, that is not their call. However find out for yourself just what services are available in your area.
Many dying patients have a goal they want to live for. In this case it could be the coming great grand baby. Try and focus on this and show her everything you are buying and encourage her to look forward to the event and share your joy. Death will come when it is ready just as birth does Try not to focus on it.
Now if you are worried about being able to care for Gma once the baby arrives that is a different situation and could lead to hard decisions. But if at least for now things can remain the same then don't change anything. Having Hospice come into the home would be a good thing but moving someone out to a facility would be very upsetting.
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Hev, congratulations on your impending joyful bundle!
Just like life, there is so much happening at the same time. Be sure to take some stress free time for yourself. There should be no guilt-that added burden of guilt has no room in your life at present.
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Sendme2help, how we are coping is a loaded question. This is my husbands grandmother, so he can sometimes be an ostrich about her true condition. he doesn't want to give up on her. But, I'm almost 8 months pregnant and can't help with her care as much as I could before. and I'm feeling very guilty that our pregnancy is forcing some tough decisions to be made. Though, the bottom line is we both want what is best for her it's just a matter of how to get there.
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hev, Thank you for updating on your grandmother. You must have had that difficult conversation with all the compassion, grace, and mercy that is evident in your posts here.
How are you and your husband coping?
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Update for those interested...we had a small conversation with her last week since we needed her input on her care (she lives with us, we have aides, her money won't last forever, we are in planning phases) We discussed hospice briefly and explained that she qualified solely because of her age and that she had cancer. she understood and wasn't upset by it. we didn't go into the details. she is truly "living with cancer". we just want wants best for her with whatever time she has left.
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Yes, Garden Artist.
We are all living with something, until our last breath.
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Send the "living with cancer" is a distinction that I read about in the CURE cancer magazine several years ago. It was as I recall a major effort to moderate the fear, anxiety and depression that was associated with cancer, and I think it was a brilliant move.
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I think you have the right to speak privately with the visiting nurses as well as the agency through which they're placed, and ask them to avoid the hospice kind of conversation.
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