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It's getting very hard to take care of her; She has episodes of bowel incontinence and vomiting, She refuses to drink her water - I'm grateful to get 8 ounces a day in her. She was at 70 lbs. for awhile, now 63.8 lbs. For me, I know I'm being selfish, but I feel once I let her be hospitalized she won't be coming back home.

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You need to get Hospice in. You still will be responsible for most of the care but you will get an aide to bathe Mom 3x a week. Maybe even to give you some time to yourself. A Nurse will come 3x or so a week but is on call 24/7.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I read your profile. I have no doubt that you love your mom very much. Loving your mom means allowing her to receive the very best care. It also means accepting that she needs more help than you can give her.

Please call hospice, preferably one with an ‘end of life’ hospice house. She will gain the benefit of a professional staff, nursing, aides, social worker and clergy. You will be her loving daughter, just like you always have been.

My mom knew that she would die in her hospice house comfortably. She was at peace with it. Your mom will also come to terms with it. This is the most loving gift that you can give to her. You are not helping her by keeping her home because you are upset about her not returning home. Skilled nursing facilities are another option. Hospice can go to the facility. Call a social worker to help you plan for your mom’s future care.

Wishing you peace as you navigate your way through this difficult time in your lives.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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It sounds a bit like you don't think you're caring for her if she's not home under your care, but if get her to the hospital getting her the help she needs, then you ARE caring for her.

She might need something as minor as IV fluids for a while, but her not drinking water is not a failure on your part. Get her the medical care she needs now.
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Reply to MJ1929
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I am confused by your use of the term surrender. What do you mean?
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Reply to gladimhere
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Sounds like it is time for a hospice evaluation.
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