How will I ever stop crying watching my mom suffer?
I really, really need help. I will not survive much longer. I can't go into mom's room without crying. I had to go to the store for bread and milk this morning and I kept seeing "mom's favorites". My mom is 99 and I had to put her in a nursing home after another stroke. I can't imagine me ever getting through with a funeral. I am the reason she is in a nursing home, and probably why she had another stoke. I know she will never get to come home and that is more than I can bear already. I cried at the store. lI cry at home. I am always cryng unless I am asleep. I go see mom every other day and she knows who I am. She never can remember that I have been there though. Sometimes I have to leave early because I know I won't be able to hold the tears back. My house is a wreck because mom went through her sorting stage here and I gave up trying to keep anything where it needed to be. Now I need to straighten everything out and I just can't. Partiallly beacuse I dont't know how and where to start. I seem to have no motivation even though I know it has got to be done. I still don't know anyone in this town so I have no one to talk to. Mom is my relative. I don't know what to put in "contact in case of emergency" now From my room, through the kitchen and all the rest of the house is filled with her stuff. She never threw anything away. Now I can't. I am having muscle spasms because I am a nervous wreck. The anxiety as it is called these days is killing me. I don't know what to do. There are no counselors in this town. It is too small. There is a shrink, but I can't pay, and anyway, I really don't have any idea of what I would say. Men don't understand it seems. They say "you need to straighten yourself up". How? If I didn't have a cat to feed and take care of I doubt that I would still be here. Noone comes by here and no one calls. What do I do now? I have no concentration to read or try to make something or anything. I am just completely lost. I am scared and all alone. I read this site and sometimes it helps, but not usually. Someone out there please tell me what to do, Please